What happened? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
If you’ve been on Facebook and seen my page or my wife’s page, my wife and I were in a car accident yesterday. I didn’t see a car coming and my wife’s side got Tboned. We had an ambulance come and take us to the hospital.
As soon as it happened, our airbags deployed. I don’t even remember seeing it, but Allie says she saw it all. They told us to turn the car off, but the key had been broken off and we couldn’t do that. Our car is totaled then.
In the ambulance, we rode together. Allie was lying on a bed and I was strapped to something to make sure my back was okay due to my scoliosis. I would reach over and hold Allie’s hand while we were riding. I also talked to the EMT. Allie was wanting me to be quiet, but didn’t say anything. I’m just trying to process everything and was asking questions to distract myself with conversation.
We got in and were put in separate rooms. Time seemed to drone on and on. I kept rethinking over and over about what happened. I didn’t really know. I was beating myself up for it majorly. My mother-in-law was coming to see us and I was thinking that I would get something about being more careful and such. I didn’t need it. I was beating myself up enough.
When Allie came to see me in her wheelchair, I held her hand but I cried. I was so sad thinking about what could have happened. Here is the most wonderful person in my life and I could have lost her.
I went in for X-rays then and I was trying to talk with the nurses taking care of me. I’m usually trying to make an impression and one thing I did was my birthday game. That’s where I get someone’s birthday and then I tell them what day of the week they were born on.
The whole time it was really hard to just feel helpless. It’s nothing I really like as a guy. I hated lying there and it was harder and harder for me I think because I wasn’t moving my body which was making it stiffer. I did ask for my book and a pen so I could circle anything I like.
I wasn’t able to do much theological thinking. I was wanting to, but the pain was too intense. Not knowing is something dreadful. I was sure I was okay because I had been walking around, but with scoliosis, better safe than sorry.
I had gone to the bathroom a few hours earlier and needed to go. They asked if I wanted something brought to me I could use or if I wanted to just go myself to the restroom. We live in an apartment complex and live on the third story, the top one. I told them I will have to get up and be walking soon so I might as well now. They did wheel me over and into the restroom, but everything else was me from that point on.
It had been awkward being handled by everyone else. For instance, I remember it being clear to me they were wanting to take my shirt off and slip a gown on me. I didn’t have much trouble with that and I was trying to work together with them.
One nurse came in with the name of Frances. I said, “Like Assisi, the patron saint of animals.” She said I must be Catholic since I knew that. Nope. Protestant. I just read a lot.
The evening was really rough. Allie and I didn’t sleep well. I would also keep imagining the scene over and over and thinking about what happened. I have felt awful. I know people say to not beat yourself up, and we all know that’s good advice, but we’re also not good at following advice.
Sometimes we’d both wake up and just talk to each other affirming how much we love each other and how thankful we are to be together. I’d say there are a lot of embraces, but we’re too sore to do that. I told Allie this morning that this is what it could be like for us when we’re an elderly couple.
I also remember thinking about my desire to be the man there. I want to push myself through everything to be the strongest that I can be and better take care of my wife. Like I said, I hate being helpless.
Chesterton said each of us is a great might-not-have-been. Yesterday, that could have been Allie and I. Our concerns now are getting better and finding good financial support to get a new car for us.
Either way, we are both blessed. When the accident occurred, it’s amazing what you think about. You don’t think about wanting to play a video game or watch a show or something like that. You think about the people you love. For me, that was mainly thinking about Allie. I was wanting to do all I could to make sure she was okay and trying to assure myself that I am still a good husband for Allie. The tendency is still there to beat myself up.
Coming close to losing something makes you appreciate how important it is. Never lose sight of that. James 4 tells us that we shouldn’t make presumptions on time. If it is God’s will, we will do such and such. None of us is owed another minute. God is in no debt to us. The only things He has to give are those things which He’s already promised. Everything else is a gift. Today is a gift. Your loved ones are gifts.
Allie and I wish to thank everyone who was reaching out to us. Please watch our Facebook pages to stay informed. Also, my wife wrote something on this. You can read that here. We also do have a way to donate to Deeper Waters on the sidebar of this blog if you want to help us out.
Please keep us in your prayers as we recover.