I was talking to a friend of mine last night who is a very wise lady. She’s one that I value as she’s an older lady as well, and I don’t mean that in an insulting way. Just one of those women that you think you can talk to about so many things because you know they’ve been there and they’ve gained a lot of wisdom over the years and they in turn tend to have that motherly love for you.
So she was talking to me about a situation with ladies in my life. One of the difficulties with being a single guy is the waiting. She started talking about how she thinks the dating system is just messed up and how some societies have arranged marriage. The older I get while being single, the more I really think that this is a good idea. All the time spent in finding someone and then dating and then having to set up a wedding date and then….oh wait. I digress.
Yet this friend brought up a good point also brought up by Chesterton though in discussing a different situation. What about family? Think about the family you were born in, and I hope you had a family you love. Why do you love them? Chances are, if you met many of them on the street and weren’t related, you wouldn’t have a deep interest in them. The things that annoy you in family, you wouldn’t put up with in anyone else.
And your family will annoy you in ways that they wouldn’t annoy anyone else.
I contend that while you may love your mother for who she is, for instance, maybe she’s a good cook or maybe she’s a very nurturing and sympathetic type, but that is not the first reason you love your mother, for there are many other women that are out there that are the same type, but you do not love them like you do your mother.
Instead, the reason you love your mother first of all is for her relation to you. It is because she is your mother and though you may not understand that, you love her.
What about friends?
I think among guys, we as friends rarely tell the other we love them. It’s there though, but it’s the love called phileo, in contrast to the family love of storge.
Friends are the ones that we are friends with because we choose them. My roommate and I were not forced together. We chose to be together. Most friendships begin, as Lewis says, with the saying “You too? I thought I was the only one!” I can look at each of my friendships and find that the ones that thrive the most is because of a common interest.
With friends, we love them for who they are.
Next is eros, a personal favorite to talk about.
In biblical times, there was one thing that really made a guy go for a girl.
She was hot.
That is the way this love starts! When I see a girl that I develop an interest in, it’s not “Oh. She has a great personality.” It’s “Wow! She’s hot!” I would say the women can be the same with the men. When you first love the woman in the eros sense, it is not for her personality but for the body. That is what makes eros different from all other loves. It is a love that relies on the body.
By the way men, this is something we need to accept and something you women need to realize. When the attraction first starts, it is for your body. Now hopefully, it won’t stay at that level where you are treated as just a body, but it does start there. It is as the lover becomes a friend as well that you start loving them for who they are as well.
Eros love starts with what one has.
And what of the finale? The love of God?
We love God because of who he is.
We love him because of his attributes, what he has.
We love him for his relation to us.
Agape love is the greatest for it contains all the others.
Just some thoughts on why we love.