I’m taking a break from the Trinity blog series to write for a friend of mine who told me his pastor is wanting some information on cohabitation. I’m hoping that he’s wanting to speak from the pulpit on the topic to which I say “Excellent!” The church has been silent on the topic of sex way too often in the pulpit. Christianity has a view of what sexuality is and if we don’t give our young people especially a view of sexuality, we can be sure that they will get it from somewhere else. Everyone has to believe something about sex. The question is if it will be something true or not.
I will be addressing cohabitation especially. This has become prevalent and while I used to think it was mainly around the young, I’ve found some in the older generation getting divorced and before remarrying, they’re living together.
Also, there are a lot of statistics out there on the topic. I recommend the reader wanting to see statistics needs to go to organizations like the Ruth Institute, ran by my friend Jennifer Roback Morse. Also, I recommend her book “Smart Sex: Finding Life-Long Love In A Hook-Up World.” (I had a job in the secular field when I read that book. It’s amazing how many people take an interest in what you’re reading when they see that you’re reading about sex.)
I instead wish to tackle this from a moral field. I believe the statistics are good, but those are for people who know them far better. It’s my stance that the argument is wrong even if we don’t have the statistics on it and that is the position I will come at this from. Is what is being advocated immoral?
The objection I’ve been told about is “But we’re married in God’s eyes.” What does that mean? Does that mean you believe it is true you’re married? I can understand the case that when a person has sex with someone of the opposite sex, that that constitutes as their entering into a covenant with them. However, consider that the case is so that it is true you are married.
Well why not make it official then? If it’s true you are married, what would be so bad about making it a public declaration?
Some people might not want a big and fancy service. Okay. Go to a courthouse with just a few people and get it done. If you’re willing enough to be completely naked with someone of the opposite sex and interact with them on the most intimate level possible, then surely you ought to be able to trust them enough to commit your life to them. (And in today’s age of STDs, you already have.)
Now someone might say that you wouldn’t drive a car without taking it for a test run. Agreed. I wouldn’t. But I have a question for such couples. Which one of you is the driver and which one is the car? A car is not a person. If I reject a car, it will not suffer hurt feelings. It will not need counseling. It will not wander the world aimlessly looking for drivers to fill a void in its existence. It will not bring me over to the next driver it meets.
We can’t say the same thing about persons. Persons shouldn’t be put up for a test in the most intimate area of life. That doesn’t allow either to enjoy the full measure of what is supposed to be marriage if neither one is committed enough to the other to make it official and say that they will never leave or forsake.
Let’s face it after all. Divorce is one of the big problems we have. If some people are going with cohabitation, it could also be because we haven’t shown marriage as it should be and made divorce so prevalent, especially this idea of no-fault divorce. The whole idea just trivializes marriage.
If marriage is to be honored again, it will need to be seen as something that is honored. How can you say the institute of marriage is so wonderful if you’re willing to have it broken apart at any moment. Couples need to learn this when they plan to marry. “DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION!”
We also need to return to a view of sex that’s true. We deny it of its roles by turning it into merely an act of pleasure. Now it should be that, but shouldn’t it be more? Sex can do something nothing else can do after all. It can produce a new human life.
I’m not Catholic, but I do appreciate their stance on birth control. I also have found that a book has been released by some Catholic authors with the idea of a prayer to say before sex. I think that’s an excellent suggestion. I have a goal of marrying someday and before the first time just thanking God for the gift that we’re about to partake of from him and ask him to bless our sex lives together.
We don’t see sex as sacred. As a result, we don’t see marriage as sacred. We also don’t see sex as sacred because we don’t see ourselves as sacred. We are more than animals. We are not meant to be just objects of sexual pleasure for someone. We are persons. We are to act like persons.
The only force that’s going to change this also is the church. The church needs to return to a good and pure view of marriage and sexuality. Some people might think “Well stuff like that shouldn’t be talked about at church?” Why not. The world doesn’t hesitate to get its message out. Which one do you think our children are seeing more? Heck. Which one do you think you’re seeing more? When you see sexual messages, do you get the message of something great and holy, or of something that’s a pleasure ride that has no consequences whatsoever?
Your answer should be sufficient to tell me why this needs to be talked about.