Month: August 2022

Anger In Divorce

What are you angry about? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I have come to a conclusion that while I am not an angry person for the most part, I do have some anger towards my divorce. I haven’t wanted to express it and to an extent, that is something good. I don’t need to be doing something destructive. However, I also need to realize that anger itself is okay, which I do know, and I really do have something to be angry about.

After all, I gave ten years of my life to a woman and tried to be as faithful as I could, no matter what I was going through. In the end, I was lied to, told extremely hurtful things, and then accused of being abusive. Fortunately, that last one hasn’t really stuck. There’s too many people who know the great love I demonstrated towards her in our marriage.

As I look at life circumstances, I can think that I am in the spot I am to some extent because of what she did. This wasn’t the best news for me when I was working at Wal-Mart. Now that I’m out on my own again and attending seminary, this is something I am having an easier time accepting. I am genuinely enjoying my time in seminary.

Yet still, every day something happens that reminds me of what I went through. We had a ceremony in our chapel yesterday that had several new professors being introduced. I also had my first classes yesterday and what happens in each of these? Pictures. I don’t fault the professors for showing them. I would do the same thing and they should. They shouldn’t walk on eggshells to make sure I’m not hurt and I need to deal with that myself.

Yet I will state that it is very painful. I look at pictures of a happy couple together and I think that I miss that. I see their children and realize that I am nearing 42 and wonder if I will ever have my own offspring.

I walk on campus and I see couples walking together and I miss getting to walk with her and I wish I had a lady to do that with. I do get some hope though whenever i see a woman who does not have a ring and the women I meet on campus do seem to have an upright character which I greatly admire. Still, I never thought I would be back in the dating game again.

Not only that, divorce can be like a scarlet letter. Wherever you go in ministry, you have to explain your divorce. I have talked to enough people in the Southern Baptist tradition which my seminary is part of who agree with me that yes, we need to handle this better.

Mothers are often the ones who know their sons the best and if you talked to my Mom, she would have told you all my life, what I have wanted is a lady in my life. Picture what that is like when you think you have someone who accepts you, desires you, treasures you, and wants to be with you, and then you are left thinking after years that it is all a lie. You have someone who complains constantly about not being good enough for the people in their life and being rejected and then goes and sends you the exact same message. Divorce is a way of treating me like I’m a punishment to her and she wants nothing to do with me.

In fairness, I do think she said she wanted to be friends somehow, but no. Her priest even told me not to go that route. You don’t get to call me abusive, rip my heart out, and then say “But we can be friends.” That’s all painful.

As I think about other girls, I wonder what will happen when I tell them I’m divorced. Will they see me differently? When I tell them someday that I was accused of being abusive, will they somewhere wonder if I’m a really good actor hiding a secret abusive life? Honestly, why shouldn’t they? Look at someone like Ravi Zacharias who greatly managed to conceal a double-life.

Divorce is something that really needs to be understood better. It is in some ways an act of murder as it takes the two that became one and kills that. I am not saying divorce is always wrong, but in my case, it was. I fought tooth and nail to save my own marriage even when it was being very difficult for me. I made a promise to God and I was trusting that my faithfulness would be honored and that if we stuck through the hard times, much better times would come.

Right now, I am learning to accept the anger as it comes. Sometimes, that’s anger towards God. I know He didn’t do wrong, but if you read Scripture, you will see plenty of times His own got angry with Him. Jeremiah had the guts to tell God that He had deceived him and that he was deceived. We can often read how in Islam Allah is the greatest of deceivers. At one time, that’s how Jeremiah saw God.

I think this is important to do also because it would be foolish to deny that there is no anger there. God knows it. I might as well be honest. I know God has done no wrong, but I still am not happy with how things were done. I wonder why He let me get in this relationship if He knew the hardship and pain that would result. Yes. I know the story isn’t over, but we have all been in places where we wonder why God is doing what He is doing. If we call God a counselor, but we think we can’t be honest with Him, isn’t it more of a statement of distrust in God?

It’s also easy to serve God when you think that you have all the benefits, which in my case include a spouse. What does it reveal when you wonder what on Earth God is doing in your life, and yet you strive to serve Him anyway? This is what I choose to do. I have nowhere else to go after all. I have to believe in His goodness.

I don’t want anyone to think I am a constant ball of rage. I am not. If anything, I have far more sadness than rage. When I think about her, it can be tempting to want some kind of revenge, but I also realize that won’t help in the end. Why should I feel better that another person is suffering? True justice is one thing. Pure revenge is another. We can want justice, but we also must remember that Scripture says if we celebrate when our enemy falls, and in some sense she has become that sadly, then God will turn from them and focus on us. There but for the grace of God go I.

As I continue through seminary, I hope that I will also find more healing in the work that I am doing and in the relationships I am making. I am always happy to find friends here and an environment where I belong. When I walked at Wal-Mart, one of the main tunes I would sometimes hum was the theme to Final Fantasy IX called “A Place To Call Home.” I happen to love living in New Orleans, aside from the driving which is atrocious, but I don’t have to do thankfully since even the Wal-Mart is right next door to the seminary. I am working on getting more and more of the income I need through Patreon and other means to finish my education, which I think I can get my Master’s in less than two years.

Still, be praying for me in all of this. I have many goals I want to accomplish in seminary and I hope it to be a beneficial time and I can be a recipient student and learn all that I can. At the same time, I hope to establish good relationships, and especially one with a lady who wants to serve God as well.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Thoughts On Love On The Spectrum

What do I think of this Netflix series? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

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This is about the American version of the show. In it, we meet six people who are on the spectrum and all are trying to find love. A benefit I want to point out right off on this show is that it is family-friendly. I do not remember seeing any sex or nudity at all, nor do I think it is even mentioned.

There are three men and three women on the show and all have various degrees of being on the spectrum with how much they can function, although it looks like a lot of them do have people who work with them whether they be professionals or family members. You also meet specialists like Jennifer Cook who advises the people wanting to find love. The show shows these people going out and trying to get dates and going on dates.

I don’t know how much of this was genuinely shot accurately or was a recreation somehow. It’s hard to picture a speed dating event with someone coming to the table to speak to the autistic person and being told “Pay no attention to the cameras!” There were some moments I also hoped were not being filmed genuinely. It’s bad enough for a guy when he gets dumped be it on the phone or in person. Imagine that instead being put in a series where everyone can see it happen.

As someone on the spectrum myself, I found the series hopeful in many ways. I consider myself to be very high-functioning. After all, as I write this, I am living on my own in a seminary 10 hours away from my parents in a state that doesn’t even border them and I am making it. (Patreon below if you want to help me keep making it.) The other great goal I have personally besides my education at this point is finding another woman. I am the one who has been married and I definitely want to find someone again who wants to be treasured.

The people are also of various ages as well. I don’t know if any of them were Christian and if so, they didn’t state it explicitly. That would be nice, but people finding love are people finding love regardless. All of them are out there wanting to meet someone special.

Something you learn as well watching this if you are an outsider to the spectrum is that on the spectrum, we are vastly different, but we are also like everyone else. We want to be loved and treasured and we want someone to spend time with. It might surprise some people when I am usually a loner for the most part to know I want that as well. I definitely do. There is something I miss about the companionship that comes with having a wife.

If you are on the spectrum, you need to watch this series. If you know someone who is on the spectrum, you need to watch this series. If you are dating someone who is on the spectrum, I also encourage watching this series. It’s really great to see that people are studying more and more about a real condition and how we can interact together.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

 

Book Plunge: Live Not By Lies

What do I think of Rod Dreher’s book published by Sentinel? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Dreher’s book is asking the question of what Christians in the West are meant to do in an age of increasing totalitarianism. Now this does not mean anything like what happens today in China or what happened in the Gulag, but it could be likely to happen in the form of a soft totalitarianism where control comes through social means more than government means. As I write this though, it is about a week after the raid of Trump’s place in Florida and a lot of questions are being raised.

The theme of the book comes from Alexander Solzhenitsyn who said that one thing we have to do is even if we don’t go out with a megahorn shouting the truth everywhere, we can choose to not believe the lies. For us today, these lies are being placed on us regularly by a culture calling into question truths we never would have dreamed being called into question a few years ago and too many people go along for the ride easily. I was stunned enough when I realized I had to defend that marriage is a union of a man and a woman. Today, I have to defend the idea of what a man and a woman is. We have a woman sitting on the Supreme Court who couldn’t answer the question of what a woman is.

More and more, if you disagree with this ideology, you can be shut down. How many people do we know who have been removed from Twitter because of this? How often have we seen cancel culture dig up something someone said ten years ago and shut them down because of it? Keep in mind that before these people were culturally on top, they also insisted on tolerance. That didn’t last long.

Dreher’s book looks at people who went through the rise of Communism and survived in countries where it was. Their examples are often powerful and convicting. These aren’t superhuman people. These are simple ordinary people who did something unique. They lived out their faith in a world where it was condemned.

The repeated advice in the book is to see, judge, and act. Christianity when lived out can overcome any evil that is brought to bear against it. As our country comes closer and closer to more and more government control and government going in a war against reality, this is something we should all keep in mind.

Governments can push control in many ways, but we are in control of our minds and our attitudes. We can make it a point to say that we will live not by lies. We will choose to live the path that Jesus lived.

If I had any criticism of the book, it would be that the book is long on examples, but not long on suggestions. This is how people lived in hard totalitarianism, but I would have liked more that could be done by those of us in a soft totalitarianism or at least a growing one. I recommend Christians read this one and read it along side either Strange New World or The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self by Carl Trueman.

And live not by lies.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Book Plunge: Our Father, Abraham

What do I think of Marvin Wilson’s book published by Eerdmans? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

It is always a temptation for some to look for Christianity outside of the Jewish heritage. It’s easy to jump straight to the Greeks. This was much more common before the holocaust took place and then we decided we needed to recover the Jewishness of Jesus. One such book looking at this is Wilson’s book which is not about just the Jewishness of Jesus, but the Jewishness of Christianity.

Wilson’s contention is that the early church did move away from the Jewishness of Christianity early on and to an extent, this would be true. After all, just a few centuries later you have a number of statements of hostility against the Jewish people being made by even church fathers. It is not long before we see the charge of Christ-killers being applied. I do consider it problematic that as far as I know, all the church fathers were non-Jews.

We do damage to ourselves when we do this and we fail to do evangelism to the Jewish people. Wilson’s goal in this book is to return us to how the Jews looked at life. This is not just about theology as theology, but it is also about how Jews looked at every area of life because all of life was about their walk with YHWH. This includes work, marriage, and education.

To begin with, Wilson gives us the history of the relationship between Christianity and Judaism. This involves the way the Jews saw the world and then what happened when the Christians came along. Naturally, this includes questions about who Jesus is and His deity and what it would mean for Him to be the Messiah.

From there, he goes on to look at where the church went wrong. This includes ideas coming up that he considers foreign to a Jewish mindset, such as the idea that someone who is a priest could never marry. In this area also, the way Jews and Christians have approached marriage is quite different. Even in a musical that Wilson recommends, Fiddler on the Roof, tradition is still at the heart of everything and the idea is that the daughters of the main character will have their husbands picked for them and they will be Jewish as well.

One other difference is we tend to think rationally about our faith while Jews think more experientially.  We will have hot debates in Christianity about the relationship between God’s sovereignty and man’s free will. Jews thought in block logic where both were to be embraced and somehow it all worked out in the end.

I particularly appreciated the section on learning. Learning is seen as an act of worship. Some Jews might be in situations where their stomachs are empty, but their minds are to be full of the heritage that they were raised in and what we call the Old Testament and the teaching of their rabbis.

Jewish and Christian relations are something that need some more attention in the apologetics and Christian community. I only know of two apologists right off that are doing work in the area of Jewish apologetics. We disagree with Jews on many matters, but we do share a common heritage and we need to be able to use that to reach out to them.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Book Plunge: The Flirtation Experiment

What do I think of Phylicia Masonheimer and Lisa Jacobson’s book published by Thomas Nelson? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I try to read books about marriage despite being divorced. If anything, I read to get help for when my second marriage comes about, Lord willing and may He be. I read books written for wives, for husbands, and for both. This is a book written for wives.

Thinking back on it, I know authors don’t get to choose the names of their books often, but I think a better name might be The Connection Experiment. After all, when you see a book by women called The Flirtation Experiment and see fireworks on the cover going off, I suspect it’s going to be about buying outfits at Victoria’s Secret, jumping into a shower with your husband, and all manner of physical activities which is what a guy usually has in mind when he thinks about flirting.

That’s not to say the material in here is bad. It’s not. It’s really good. It just isn’t what I was expecting. So looking at the good, these are wives who have decided to invest in their husbands, which is also a plus since usually things are always assumed to be the husband’s fault when many times, it takes two.

There are thirty chapters which means you are meant to go through this book in a month’s time, sort of like a shortened version of The Respect Dare. Both women write fifteen chapters which means they go back and forth between themselves. Each chapter is built on a one-word concept and expounded on and could be read in ten minutes max.

The authors also really open up explaining about difficulties that they have had and about how they worked with their respective husbands. Sometimes, the husbands have a brief sidenote where they will write something and these were always a bonus to read. I kept hoping that there would have been one in every chapter.

All of these are built largely on forming an emotional connection with one’s spouse. Thinking about that, that will work for the men and women because the men tend to think about physical connection and when a woman feels emotionally connected, physical connection is a lot easier for them. It also helps that the women take the initiative in this since frankly, many of us guys don’t really know what to do when it comes to emotional connection.

One amusing part I found was in one of Phylicia’s chapters where she thought God was telling her He wanted her to play video games with her husband, so they played some Mario Party. I know I would be thrilled to marry a woman who wanted to play games with me. I remember hearing a story of a husband who really wanted his wife to go hunting with him and so one day she agreed and they went and sat in the same place all day and absolutely nothing happened. No game came out at all to shoot at.

How did the husband take it? He left saying it was awesome. I can guarantee you then that wife never said, “This is stupid! It’s a waste of time! We could be doing something else!” She just sat there quietly the whole time and he treasured that silent time with her as she participated in his hobby.

And yes, I do realize this needs to be a two-way street, but this is a book for wives so I’m mainly talking to them.

Every marriage can always have room for improvement. I recommend this one for the women out there. Get it and see how it works for you. Husbands can also look through and say what would and would not appeal to them.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth.)

Of Marriages And Diets

Is this a valid reason to abandon marriage? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

As I was writing yesterday’s blogpost, I had a number of people tag me on Facebook and ask “What do you think of this?” and this was the very picture I was writing about. Today, I’d like to tackle another one that has been making the rounds. It’s another one that sadly convinces me those on the left in this debate really don’t bother to listen to what their opponents say.

First off, the opening claim is just false. Even if you are a skeptic, it should be easy to accept that a redefined marriage of two men or two women is against someone else’s religion is a fact. That doesn’t say anything about the emotional state of the person who holds that religion. The anger is already imposed. (This happens all too often as those of us who are conservative are often accused of having hate towards the other side.)

I don’t go to bed at night steaming about homosexual couples. The issue matters to me, but I have many other things to think about. It’s on the other side unfortunately that if we are told we don’t agree, well here come the hounds out to shut down our businesses and demand our freedom to operate be taken away.

That’s only the start of the problem.

The majority of the real argumentation on the right is not going “The Bible says X, therefore Y should be forbidden.” Most of us are making arguments based on the nature of marriage and a natural law understanding of marriage. Yes. I am sure Pastor Bob down at the local Southern Baptist Church is getting up in the pulpit screaming about what the Bible says and doesn’t have a clue about these natural law arguments, but note I stated the real argumentation. I am not against the Bible, but if one side doesn’t believe it, it has no authority for them, at least in the sense that it doesn’t change their thinking.

Ultimately, when I have seen this debated online, it comes down to what a marriage is. It has always before been understood as two adults of the opposite sex coming together in a union generally with the goal of bringing about and raising children. Now we are told that it doesn’t matter what two consenting adults do.

But why should this be the case?

First off, consider the case of Armin Meiwes. He was a cannibal who was convicted for eating someone. Here’s the relevant part. This person wanted to be eaten. He fully consented to everything. Thus, we have an action between two consenting adults. To make this wrong, you will need another qualifier then. Two consenting adults is not sufficient.

Second, what exactly is an adult? In Biblical times, as was much of the world back then, as soon as the kids hit puberty, it was time to marry them off to someone else. Teenagers in the past would be forming families. Today, having a relationship with a teenager can get you hit with a statutory rape charge. There is nothing magical about the age of 18 that makes someone an adult. We’ve all known adults well over 18 who are essentially children and we’ve all known children younger than 18 who have been forced through circumstances to grow up early and practically function as adults. Also, consider how many children who commit crimes can be tried as adults.

Consent is also not good enough. This is supposed to protect it from applying to children as well, but we constantly make children do things without their consent that is for their good. They go to school, do chores, go to bed, eat healthy, and get vaccinations and medical treatment they don’t like, without their consent. Loving parents who genuinely love their children do this.

Third, we might as well ask about the number two. Why should marriage be limited to two people? The Mormons held to polygamy for some time and were brought before the government for that one. If we are removing the requirement that the people be of the opposite sex, it would be far easier to remove the number. Not only that, there is a much greater historical basis for polygamy than for the redefinition of marriage.

What is being asked is what marriage is and what is the purpose of it. It is not just a union for the happiness of two adults. It is a nation building institution in the sense that these people are the ones capable of bringing about the next generation. The state has all reason to want to promote that as it kind of needs new people to survive. Hypothetically, imagine how much damage we could do to China and Russia if we could launch a biological attack somehow over those entire nations that would sterilize everyone in those nations.

And if marriage is about the continuing of the species, then the state has an interest in promoting the type of union that can do that job. The state has no interest in promoting a same-sex couple as they can never do that. Marriage is not to be meant about the affirming of the people involved, but why the people are coming together in the first place.

Now suppose someone says “Well, Christians can really say that these are the reasons, but we know the real reason is what the Bible says!” Let’s suppose 100% that that’s true for the sake of argument. That doesn’t change the fact that the natural law based arguments are on the table. Those still have to be addressed.

Suppose someone makes a powerful argument to me for atheism and I don’t know how to answer it. It does not work to say, “You only make that argument because you want to be free to live your life sexually however you want.” That could even be 100% true. I am sure there are Christians who hold to Christianity just for the benefits they want to receive and I am sure there are some atheists who hold to atheism because of the sexual freedom.

The argument still has to be addressed.

This meme is not addressing any real arguments. It is not even making one. It is just pointing to motives and trying to read emotions into the other side.

It’s a shame so much has to be written to deal with something because so many do take it seriously.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

 

Abstinence and the Virgin Birth (Which I do affirm)

Is there a problem with holding to abstinence and the virgin birth (Which I do affirm)? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

This one has been going around Facebook a bit and as the main virgin birth guy (Which I do affirm), I figure I should be the one to address it. Looking at this, I do wonder what the main contention is. As is the problem with memes, it’s rarely clear.

So let’s consider if it’s a moral objection. Can you believe in the virgin birth, which I do affirm, and still believe in practicing abstinence? Yes. You recognize that this is a miracle that has taken place and that Mary herself did nothing wrong in this case.

By the way, along those lines, all Christians know that there are other forms of birth control. What we do know also is that when practiced, abstinence is the only one that is 100% effective. For most of the world today, it’s just incredible to think of a person going through life without having sex. The premise of a movie like the 40 Year-Old Virgin is meant to be obvious.

So let’s go the more likely route. It’s meant to poke fun at us for believing in something that is unscientific. After all, this involves a miracle and don’t we know that those never happen.

At this, I think even the most hardened skeptic would not want to try to take on the burden that there has never been a miracle in history and have to demonstrate this. How could you even begin to do that? What is more likely to be argued is that we do not have sufficient evidence to believe that a miracle has taken place in history.

Thus, we get to the first problem. There is really no way to establish that a miracle has never taken place in history so why should it be treated with incredulity that a miracle has taken place. I actually call this the argument from incredulity. The problem is it only works if you accept a worldview at the start that says miracles never happen.

Imagine if I made a similar argument.

Christians: We know Christianity is true.

Atheist: How?

Christian: Because Jesus rose from the dead.

Atheist: And how do we know that?

Christian: Because Christianity is true.

If you take at the start that a naturalistic philosophy is true and a miracle has never taken place, then obviously, a virgin birth, which I do affirm, has never taken place. However, that is the very claim under question. Has a miracle ever taken place?

If you affirm the existing of God and have reasons for believing in such, then you have a basis for believing that a miracle has taken place or at least could take place. If someone wants to mock that because atheism is true or some version of metaphysics that denies miracles, then they need to establish that. Whatever your worldview, it does not work to go to the other side and say “Your position is laughable because it disagrees with my position.”

In the end, I see no reason you cannot both affirm the virgin birth, which I do affirm, and consistently practice abstinence. Issues about birth control can be debated among ourselves. This is just more of the type of argument from incredulity that works on those with the mindset already of materialism, but not much of anyone else. It has strong rhetorical pull, but nothing logical behind it.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Moving On In

What’s life like in the Big Easy? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Hello again, Deeper Waters readers. I’m now living in New Orleans and enjoying the city. My apartment should be ready tomorrow so for the time being, I am staying at the Providence Guest House, which is a hotel across the street from the seminary.

I live in a great area of the city where most everything I need is even within walking distance. Need groceries? Walk to Wal-Mart? Need medicine? Walk to Walgreens. There are also several fast food restaurants and a cafe and I don’t need to drive a bit to get to them.

I don’t mind driving and I can like it, but I also like saving gas and there are other benefits of walking, such as my cashwalk app and such as playing Pokemon Go with my fellow students. Speaking of them, I haven’t got to meet too many of them yet. There is a student orientation this week and I hope to get to interact with them there.

The weather is a bit erratic here. It’s not uncommon to have the windshield wipers on for a sudden rain that only lasts a couple of minutes and then it’s all clear again. I was just out walking and felt some drops of rain, but no panic. I figured it wouldn’t last long and thus far, my prediction has shown to be true.

Shiro is having a hard time adjusting. Last night was the first night ever that he didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night and keep me up with constant crying. I really feel sorry for my little kitty. His whole world has been turned upside down.

I have also been to a new church where I hope to be a pastor intern. I understand this church is disability friendly and I can at least say at this point they are friendly. I was welcomed with open arms and already members of the church are going to be working to help me move things into my new apartment. After all, I only have a small hybrid car and I have a steel rod on my spine so I can’t lift a lot.

While here though, I also do think that the society around here definitely needs the gospel. I have been praying to be able to do something to change this city for Christ. The saying here at NOBTS is to prepare here and serve anywhere, because you can find most any belief persuasion somewhere in this city. It would be wonderful to see New Orleans transformed into a major Christian city and who is to say that it cannot happen?

Some of you might want to send packages or something my way as well. Remember that if you want to help the ministry out financially since I am working on education and I want to get the podcast up again, my patreon is below and any help you can give is greatly appreciated. If you are reading this elsewhere, please go to my website itself to find the link. Also, if someone wants to send a package of some sort, please send to the following address:

Nick Peters
3939 Gentilly Blvd.
New Orleans, LA 70126

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)