The Inner Battle

I was talking to a friend last night and a theme seemed to come up on what’s going on inside. Now my friend on the outside seems to be an outstanding guy.

However, as we dialogued, I found a world of pain inside. It’s not the kind of thing I was expecting, yet I wondered why I should have been surprised.

You see, I am utterly stunned when people come to me and say “I’d like to thank you because the things you write and say are such a blessing and encouragement to me.” That kind of thing happens out of the blue and I’m always surprised by it.

I am one of those people who I am my own worst critic and these remarks come out of the blue, but they are most helpful when they come. I know the pain of my friend though and I know many of us do have a hidden world we wish others knew.

Listen to what Joy Williams sings about in her song “We” as she describes two different people.

She’s independent and beautiful
Wish I could be like her
She’s got the girls and the boys
So wrapped around her finger
Rumor is she’s some kind of dream
Nobody knows she cries herself to sleep

 And the second one is,

He’s on the top of the social scene
He’s stylish cool and clever
He’s got a cool attitude that screams
He’s got it all together

You’d think he’s addicted to himself
But he wishes he could be someone else

This isn’t just in Christian music. Listen to what Britney Spears says in her song “Lucky.” This is the chorus and one wonders if she’s describing herself.

She’s so lucky, she’s a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

How many of us long for that though throughout the day? How many of us might during the day want to collapse and scream out, “Do you understand what is going on in my world?” Does this not fit with our common need that we all seem to want to be loved for who we are?

I have heard that Plato once said “Be kind, because everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” I don’t recall reading that in Plato, but I do like that.

I know I sometimes wonder if people look at me and see a guy who has it all together and who isn’t dented by anything. If you think that, it’s not true. I know some might think I have a dynamic spiritual life where I just pray and manna falls down from Heaven and I see a thuosand insights every time I read the Bible. That’s not true either.

There are days that it seems the Heavens are distant and silent here. There are days that I do not believe myself capable of handling the challenges. There are days when I don’t really want to read the Scriptures and study and there are days when it seems my path has been lost entirely.

What do I do on those days? I keep fighting. What else is there to do? I just say this because chances are, you have those days also. Maybe we need to be more honest about those days. Maybe we need to let other people know we’re not invincible. If you cut us, we will bleed just as well.

We’re all in this together after all.

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