Deeper Waters

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I’ve been writing for Autism Awareness Month this month and now I’d like to get into some deeper content beyond just the internal aspects and more into how being an Aspie works with me in social settings and I’m sure some other Aspies as well. As a friend pointed out, some traits apply to people who are not Aspies. That is to be expected. Ours could just be more extreme at times.

Church is an interesting aspect for me and I have a great concern with the American church today. We seem to be big on feeling and little on content. Now there is nothing wrong with emotion, but there seems to be an emphasis on worship being that which produces a good feeling rather than that which produces goodness in the worshipers. A good service is said to be one where we leave feeling good. It could be in fact that there could be some good services where we live feeling miserable because we have the conviction of God on us.

Music is one aspect found in worship services and I sadly have a tin ear. It is one of the aspects I understand the least. However, if I listen to church music, I would much more prefer the old hymns. I remember growing up and thinking that the hymns seemed boring, but now I look at them and realize that they often have a rich theological content. Consider especially if the church sings “Holy, Holy, Holy.” This is a song I just sit down for immediately being aware of being unworthy to stand in the presence of a God who is holy.

For the most part however, I find the musical aspect difficult to relate to. I have seen some services where I wonder just how many times can you repeat the same chorus over and over? One can think of the story about how someone will play “Just As I Am” until someone has come down the aisle and perhaps sometimes some Christians come down the aisle just because they don’t want to hear the chorus over and over again.

Most services also have a time of fellowship. This is an unusual time as well. If someone comes up to me, I want them to really talk about something. If I go talk to someone, I try to make the conversation short and sweet if I can. For the most part, I would prefer being by myself most of the time. The exception is my wife who’s always next to me in the services.

Of course, the real content of a service is the sermon. Unfortunately, I have heard many many bad sermons. I have even heard some sermons that were so bad that when the final songs were being played, I walked out. I hope to hear something new when I hear a sermon. I want to know that there has been a point in research done that I would not have noticed before. I want to hear an argument. I also want to know that a sermon is not entirely application. I believe if we’re looking at a text of Scripture we need to ask questions in this order.

What does it mean?

What did it mean to the original hearers?

How is it relevant to us today?

Most of us skip straight to the third one. My main example of this is being in a Sunday School class where the idea was that Joshua was written so that we would know to obey God. While I’m sure Joshua had that goal in mind on an a practical level, I don’t think he wrote it solely for that purpose. He also wanted to give a history lesson to Israel and explain the new covenant they were in with them.

Sermons are not meant to be entertainment, but they should be entertaining. Remember that people liked to hear Jesus speak. If our audiences don’t really want to hear us, we should look at how we’re doing. Do we have any humor in our sermons? (Jesus did) Do we have relevant examples? Are our points deep, but also explained in ways that are understandable?

The American church by and large today is bereft of good theology. I am thankful that our church is quite distinct from this, but when churches thrive on simply getting an emotional response, they are going to be unprepared for intellectual objections. As an Aspie, I happen to love the intellectual aspect of the sermon. I do not want a sermon that’s just “Do this” and “Don’t do that.”

While I believe working on these will help reach the Aspies in our world, they will also strengthen the American church in general. If we do not change our ways, I do not believe there can be a strong American church much longer. We need the right balance of intellectual and emotional. We need the application built on the foundation of the proper theology. We need to understand the text in its context rather than just thinking the text is about us.

We need to, and we can, do better.

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. We’ve been looking lately at Autism Awareness Month. First off, some thanks to a group that gave me a few minutes last night to speak on the topic of Asperger’s from an insider’s perspective. Now, I’d like to look at the topic of literalism.

Last night I came home and was checking Facebook as an example and saw someone say they had something for Thanksgiving already in the oven and when it was due. Now this is not to fault that person of course and congratulations, but I was looking at that for awhile and thinking “Why would someone be putting on something for Thanksgiving at this point?” It took a little bit before I realized that this was a figure of speech.

This is a problem that we often have on the spectrum. We do tend to take things very literally and can wonder why some people say some things because while they’re using a figure of speech of some sort, we’re taking them literally and wondering what they mean. This can also be a problem when someone is joking.

Of course, I realize how this is odd since I am indeed a very sarcastic person and I have to admit that I have a hard time telling if someone is being sarcastic or not. There are even times when my own wife has to ask me if I’m being sarcastic and I have to ask her if she’s just joking about something or not. We just don’t always see the connection.

What this means is that when someone is communicating with an Aspie, they need to be sure to watch their language. Consider also in Christian circles what kind of terminology we can use. What do you think it would mean for instance if you met someone who did think in this way (not saying all Aspies always fail to recognize figures of speech, but just consider if they do) and you ask them “Are you washed in the blood?”

In fact, if you are dealing with someone who is analytical, this is an area where apologetics will come in handy especially. Rather than ask a question of that sort, you can go and explain the concept of forgiveness to them from a logical perspective. Note that realizing that God does forgive us can be emotionally hard to understand in many ways, it is not illogical in the sense that it involves a contradiction. Nothing that God does involves a contradiction.

If you’re in communication with someone on the spectrum and you find that they’re having a hard time responding to what you’re saying, you might want to consider what you just said. Did you use some terminology that they could be taking literally and thus they’re confused? If so, then you’ll need to find a way to rephrase things in a way that they can understand them. Doing such will not only help them, but will help you think of your own ideas. (Picture it as if you had to explain Christianity to someone who had no concept of it)

Again, the soul is worth it.

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. For this month, I’ve been writing about Autism Awareness Month with the hopes of giving people a fresh perspective with seeing how I look at things as one who has Asperger’s and being married to someone who has it. Tonight, I’d like to cover the difficult topic of emotion.

I know someone who has asked why God made us with emotion and honestly, I can understand the question. They can seem to cause us a lot of trouble sometimes, but for many of us who are analytical, I realize we are overlooking the times that they bring us much joy. I am sure I’m not the only one who when I’m upset about something, everything seems down.

Still, He did, and we must say then that it is a good thing or else He would have made us differently. Now my wife will tell you that she’s the lone exception in this as that she is very expressive in her emotions. However, she will tell you as well that I can show emotion strongly, but I would say that I am one of the least emotional people that there is.

For myself, emotions are difficult to understand. I always want to know “Why do I feel X?” or “Why don’t I feel X?” For instance, if I am thinking about the nature of God I can ask “Why is this not leaving me in sheer awe?” Unfortunately, the tendency is to dwell on that problem instead of, say, thinking about how to understand the doctrine of immutability.

It is important to remember that we moderns have it backwards. We think you have the emotion first and then you do the act. There’s a simple way to see this is false. When the alarm goes off in the morning or if you just wake up naturally, just ask yourself if you really want to get out of bed or if you would prefer to sleep in still. While you could feel like sleeping in, you will get up and start moving and soon, you will feel like being active. Those who work out regularly know that when they’re heading to the gym, they don’t feel like working out, but once they get there and get into it, they suddenly do want to keep going.

What can we learn from this in relating to Aspies? This is an area we again need your help on and maybe we can help you in turn. We can help evaluate one another’s emotional responses to situation and see where the response is one that is warranted or not and if it really means anything or not or if one should just let it go. My wife likes to watch a lot of shows about people in real-life struggles and I often try to think about “Why do they feel X at that time?” It is not the same as saying it is invalid to feel that, but it is wondering why they do and seeking to come to an understanding. It could be a feeling I even have but just want to further understand.

This is especially relevant in our doubt culture, especially since a lot of Christians wrestle over doubting salvation and when they do, generally, the only evidence I see presented is that they have an emotion. Better handling of emotions will help us all in our Christian life and the Aspie you know will certainly appreciate it.

Welcome everyone to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. We’ve been going through a look at Autism spectrum disorders for Autism Awareness Month. This has been an insider’s perspective on Asperger’s by myself, someone who is diagnosed with that. Tonight, I plan to look on the topic of analyzing.

Risks can be very hard to face for all of us and I believe for someone on the spectrum it could be even harder. Of course, whenever I say something like this, I am open to correction and there is an aspect that wonders how much of this is related to being an Aspie and how much more is just human. What degree is it harder for an Aspie? It’s really difficult to say since I can’t know from an insider’s perspective what it feels like any more than you can know what my condition is like. For my fellow philosophy people, just think of the idea of what it’s like to be a bat.

Being highly analytical can be a good thing when you’re examining the great ideas. When you’re examining internal perspectives, it can be very difficult. These are more subjective and thus you can have the “What ifs” show up a whole lot easier and these are what ifs on propositions whose truth the world believes to already be a foregone conclusion. I’ve honestly spent years analyzing some of these and this is something my own counseling is working with.

For those who are struggling with this, I believe there is great hope in cognitive therapy. What this means is that what you feel is a direct result of what you think and that the most suffering that you undergo is not based so much on what happens to you, which you cannot control, but on what you tell yourself about what happens to you, which you can control to some extent.

This can be easier with really good friends seeing as they can often tell you what the reality is with you. It would also mean to not get caught up in the moment, which can happen with over-analysis and anxiety. Anxiety is not really based on the present after all but based on pushing the future into the present. It is thinking a present situation is eternal or thinking that what you are undergoing in the present will always hinder you in the future. Just turn to Romans 8 when you’re doubting this and think about what Paul said about our suffering as well as 2 Cor. 4.

This needs to be kept in mind also when thinking about internalization. Whatever happens, it can be prone to be exaggerated to an unhealthy extent, no matter what the gesture. Of course, as what I’ve said about cognitive therapy, I realize that the main issue lies with us in particular, but remember that if we’re on the spectrum it can be difficult and we will need your help with it. Let us all help one another.

Once again, the person is worth it.

Welcome everyone to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I’ve been spending this month writing on Autism Awareness Month. Today, I plan to discuss the topic of obsessions.

Many Aspies get obsessed with things very easily. It can be an attachment to an object, many of which I can remember growing up, or it can be an attachment to an interest. In some ways, this can be good. For instance, I have a great drive to learn about apologetics.

There are times that it can be neutral as well. The obsessiveness can affect one’s memory on such matters easily. Regular readers of the blog know that I am a total Smallville fan and some of you know that I have every episode title memorized in order. Yes. That’s more than 200 episodes.

When I was growing up, I used to collect the little matchbox cars and I would place them all on an end table. If my mother for some reason moved one when I was away, I am told that when I came back, that I would know exactly which one had been moved and I would be quite upset. I don’t remember this, but I have no reason to doubt it.

When an Aspie has a healthy obsession, it will usually be on a topic and they will want to know all about that topic that they can. There was one day my wife saw some geese outside of our place of residence. She said they were Canadian Geese and I asked her how she knew, to which she immediately shot off a number of reasons to which I could only say “Okay. I’m convinced.”

Of course, there are times that an obsession can be negative and we have to realize that. For me, as an example, I often get obsessed with a negative idea or fear and I cannot seem to shake it. This will be talked about more when we discuss what it means to be overanalytical, but I can spend a long time worrying about something that everyone else already concludes is an established fact.

This needs to be kept in mind when dealing with an Aspie. For instance, if you’re in a church service, an Aspie could bring some sort of object that could bring some comfort to them. You might really want to think before saying anything along the lines of “Is this something I really want to make a big deal over?” If it isn’t, then why not let them since they can have some calmness and serenity in a place where they might be uncomfortable. (Why might they be uncomfortable in church? It’s a social situation and frankly even if it wasn’t, we need God to make us uncomfortable at times.)

When it’s a negative obsession, help the person through it. My own counselor is quite good at this. For many counselors, flooding is not recommended. Give them little steps at a time until they’re ready to make the steps that they need to. Remember, seek first to understand with someone who’s different.

Again, the soul is worth it.

Welcome everyone to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. Lately, we’ve been acknowledging that it is Autism Awareness Month as I have been writing about Autism and Asperger’s from an insider’s perspective. Tonight, I would like to discuss what happens when we undergo what I often call sensory overload, although it can be just information of any kind.

My former roommate who was also the best man at my wedding and I once went to a Kingdom Hall together having had some Jehovah’s Witnesses visit us. Both of us have a strong love of apologetics and our Witness friends did not know about how we regularly debated doctrines like the Trinity against others. Going to the Kingdom Hall was certainly an experience. I have never seen such intense indoctrination as I did then.

However, when the “service”, if you can call it that, ended, we were love-bombed. All around us, all these Witnesses were coming to us and wanting to get to know us. Yesterday I wrote about touch and how a handshake could be the most someone requires of us. I still remember it like it was yesterday that I was being bombarded left and right by all these new people and I had someone’s hand in mind who was greeting me and my roommate had to say to me “Say your name.”

Now on some level, I knew I needed to do that, but I could just not somehow find the means to do that. It was as if I had been frozen in place. There have been times I’ve also experienced such overload on some social issues in receiving different opinions that I can just freeze in a kind of paralysis not knowing what do. Being an overly analytical personality can make this harder.

Also, being part of the working force, there are many times after a day that I am just exhausted and I do not think it is physical exhaustion that has worn me down. In fact, I would prefer to be physically exhausted. Instead, I have been having to exert myself over and over with meeting people and interacting with them. As a public speaker, that’s not a problem since in a way, you control the message, but when you are interacting on the generic level, it is much more difficult.

What does this mean for the Christian wanting to reach an Aspie? Remember that during a church service, it could be that the person you’re wanting to witness just needs some time away. Fellowship time at many church services could be very difficult for some. It isn’t for everyone. My church has a good fellowship time but there are still many times I prefer just sitting down and minding my own business.

If the Aspie you’re witnessing to is like this, that’s okay. Give them space. It could be that they’re on to something. Remember that Jesus many times went off to have some time of seclusion despite having a public ministry.

Again, it’s worth it for that person.

Hello everyone and welcome to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. We’ve lately been going through what it’s like to be an aspie for Autism Awareness Month. This has been an insider’s perspective which is not necessarily universal to all Aspies and Autists, but could apply to several. Tonight, I’d like to talk about the idea of touch.

Many of us bond easily with physical touch. For an Aspie, it is not the same way. Touch is also something that can be very intimate, though not necessarily sexually of course. It seems to indicate a new level in a relationship. For someone like myself, even a handshake at times can be awkward.

I recall being at a job once with an assistant manager none of us liked and we had a little dispute one day. I don’t recall what it was over, though I do know this and I mean this without any pride that I was in the right. What happened was that this manager put his arm around me in a kind of buddy-buddy stance with his over my shoulder. As soon as that was done, I went straight to the head manager up front and let it be known that this guy had better never touch me that way again.

For us, touch like that is highly uncomfortable and highly invasive. Of course, once we warm up, we can handle touch to a certain extent. As a married man, I am sometimes in public and there are other women around and while there can be contact such as the exchange of money on a job or something like that, I don’t like the touch. I have devoted myself in such a way that aside from family, the only female who I want to touch and receive the touch of in any way is my wife. Of course, that is also something about we Aspies and our loyalty levels.

When you are deailng with the Aspie, the Aspie will not want to touch you and that’s okay. Being a touchy-feely person around the Aspie will be scary to them. Until they get to know you, the Aspie wants to keep his distance. Of course, if you ever do get to the point where you can get that physical touch easily from the Aspie, then you can congratulate yourself upon reaching a high point with an Aspie and per our loyalty, if you keep that, you will find that you do indeed have something great.

What does this mean for evangelism? It means in our church situations we need to be careful. It can be the tendency to hug a new member in the church but if they’re an Aspie, this could be something to avoid. This is just throwing caution to the wind. Handshakes could be okay, but if you notice that the person is being hesitant, then it would be best to hold back. Just conversation will work and if the Aspie is someone of an intellectual bent, they will appreciate it a lot more.

Again, it’s all worth it to win one to Christ.

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. We’ve been discussing this month Autism Awareness Month and I’ve been trying to give an insider’s perspective on the topic as a person who has Asperger’s. Please note I have Asperger’s. I don’t suffer with Asperger’s. There are times that there are difficulties, but overall, my life is good.

Tonight, I’d like to talk about the topic of internalization. This is not the philosophical debate but the simple fact that what we can tend to do with data is to internalize it to an unhealthy extent. Thus, if a friend of mine doesn’t seem to be speaking to me about something and it could have nothing to do with me, I will be thinking about that detail for awhile and thinking “Did I violate some social rule? Why is he not speaking to me?” It could be he didn’t notice me or he’s just tired or any number of reasons, but it will be internalized.

And yes, I will go to the worst possible scenario.

This can make group interactions very difficult since every facet of what happens in the group scenario has to be understood. If something happens at school or church, you can be thinking “Is the professor or the pastor thinking about me when he says that?”

Please note that when I talk about things like this, I am not saying that the behavior is right or wrong. I am simply saying that this is the way that it is. Most of us can think about that way with worrying, and I assure you an Aspie definitely can. When we are worrying, we know that we ought not to worry. We can know at times that we ought not to internalize things, but like the worrying session, we do that.

Thus, for you, what could be a simple and innocuous gesture for the Aspie can become something that requires much analyzation, and analyzation is something that I plan to talk about in this series. Since we don’t understand society many times, we will misunderstand the reason that you who are neurotypical, as we say, do and say certain things.

What’s the solution? For one thing, we can’t live in paranoia. One aspect of this is that if we are struggling with this, we need to get over it. However, we can be helped in this in that Aspies need people who we know can be open to us and able to be approached and be able to say something like “The other day I did this and you did this in response” or “I said this and you said this in response” and then “Can you explain this to me? I’d like to understand.”

Second, be careful to make sure you’re not adding a barrier. How will your actions be interpreted? The first end is on us here to make sure that we are interpreting you right. However, the other end is to further watch the message you’re sending and remember when being around an Aspie, they could be especially sensitive to comments you make.

And of course, forming communication easily will be an important part in reaching that Aspie for Christ. Again, is it not worth it?

We shall continue next time.