I wrote a bit that was personal in my blog last night and I think I’d like to do the same again. Those who know me know that one thing I do deplore is the singles life and many who know me well say “Why is a guy like you single?” I would say the main answer is that I lack confidence.

So, I’m at work today and I notice an attractive young lady walking around. Immediately, I’m eager to find her. Unfortunately, I miss her and think that it was a sad loss and time to get back to work.

Before too long, she comes up to me and says “Do you have this movie in?” Where I work, we’ve kept them behind the counter so I smile and say “I think we do.” She smiles back. Yep. I’m definitely intrigued.

I go up to the counter and pull out a copy to see her smile again. Very attractive indeed. I ring up the order and she’s still smiling and I’m smiling and I’m looking into her eyes and for a moment I fear I glance away to check on something with the order. In reality though, I ponder it was more likely I was about to burst.

I get her receipt and I’m just still smiling and so is she as if she was holding me captive by her smile and forcing me to do what she was doing. I give her her receipt and she thanks me and heads out the door.

I noticed around that time that I was even sweating a little bit for it is rarely that something like that happens to me. I looked back and thought “Why didn’t you say anything at all? Ask her for her phone number or find out something about her? Anything?!”

Instead, I froze and for a long time, I was kicking myself and honestly, I still am in some ways. Before too long, I was letting this spill over into every other area of my life. Towards the end of the day after reading some, I was feeling a bit better. Still, it was there.

Why do I say this? I want you all to know that sometimes this will happen in ministry as well. There are times that I do get caught off guard and don’t know what to say immediately and only think of it later. (I’m comforted to know I’m not alone as Greg Koukl of STR has described such times as well.)

So what do you do? Listen to your momentary feelings? No. That will only be negative then and don’t be shocked that negative input gives negative results. Instead, I say use it as a chance to get determined. Next time, I’m gonna talk to the girl. Next time, I’ll know what to say to that question.

Any experience can be learned from and it’s best to learn as much as you can from each experience. It’s also good to learn from the experiences of other people. No one is going to bat 100 in any area. We’re all going to make mistakes from time to time.

The choice is ours though whether we will live in them or not.

The Inner Battle

I was talking to a friend last night and a theme seemed to come up on what’s going on inside. Now my friend on the outside seems to be an outstanding guy.

However, as we dialogued, I found a world of pain inside. It’s not the kind of thing I was expecting, yet I wondered why I should have been surprised.

You see, I am utterly stunned when people come to me and say “I’d like to thank you because the things you write and say are such a blessing and encouragement to me.” That kind of thing happens out of the blue and I’m always surprised by it.

I am one of those people who I am my own worst critic and these remarks come out of the blue, but they are most helpful when they come. I know the pain of my friend though and I know many of us do have a hidden world we wish others knew.

Listen to what Joy Williams sings about in her song “We” as she describes two different people.

She’s independent and beautiful
Wish I could be like her
She’s got the girls and the boys
So wrapped around her finger
Rumor is she’s some kind of dream
Nobody knows she cries herself to sleep

 And the second one is,

He’s on the top of the social scene
He’s stylish cool and clever
He’s got a cool attitude that screams
He’s got it all together

You’d think he’s addicted to himself
But he wishes he could be someone else

This isn’t just in Christian music. Listen to what Britney Spears says in her song “Lucky.” This is the chorus and one wonders if she’s describing herself.

She’s so lucky, she’s a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there’s nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

How many of us long for that though throughout the day? How many of us might during the day want to collapse and scream out, “Do you understand what is going on in my world?” Does this not fit with our common need that we all seem to want to be loved for who we are?

I have heard that Plato once said “Be kind, because everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” I don’t recall reading that in Plato, but I do like that.

I know I sometimes wonder if people look at me and see a guy who has it all together and who isn’t dented by anything. If you think that, it’s not true. I know some might think I have a dynamic spiritual life where I just pray and manna falls down from Heaven and I see a thuosand insights every time I read the Bible. That’s not true either.

There are days that it seems the Heavens are distant and silent here. There are days that I do not believe myself capable of handling the challenges. There are days when I don’t really want to read the Scriptures and study and there are days when it seems my path has been lost entirely.

What do I do on those days? I keep fighting. What else is there to do? I just say this because chances are, you have those days also. Maybe we need to be more honest about those days. Maybe we need to let other people know we’re not invincible. If you cut us, we will bleed just as well.

We’re all in this together after all.


My friend who visited last week and I have a mutual friend who is a Xena fan. My first friend happens to enjoy the series and while we were at the used bookstore, he bought season 1 on DVD. I had never seen an episode so he said that before he left, I would need to see one episode. Heh. Why not? Thus, one night we sat down to watch one episode of Xena.

I honestly have no desire to get interested in another TV show at this point, but I could honestly understand why someone would enjoy watching Xena. I happen to enjoy a lot of action when I watch something. My father is more into Westerns, but if I can, I want to see the hand-to-hand action. I don’t mind melee weaponry of course and I like projectile weapons that really require skill. Anyone can shoot a gun, but I like to see a bow and arrow in action.

<> The action is definitely worth it along with the comic twists. I enjoyed seeing Xena jump on the men on horseback who were following her and silently dispatching them one by one until she got up to the leader. The final battle in this episode is incredible as well and I will leave it for the viewer to get to watch it.I grew up reading Greek mythology, so I was familiar with a lot of the references even if I had never seen the show before. I  recognized also the name of the hometown of Amphipolis. This is a city mentioned just once I believe in Scripture. Paul went there on one of his missionary journeys. This kind of talk in the series immediately made me feel at home with my interest in biblical studies and my interest in Greek history, particularly the philosophical thought.

<>I have been told that Xena is the story of redemption also and I can see that. I felt the pain of her going home to her mother and being told that her mother has no daughter. The one who comes home is an outcast and has no haven. True, you may be a warrior who can beat anyone that comes across your path, but what comfort is that to you if you wander the world alone?

While Xena wins the battle then, the greatest victory no doubt would be that she gets accepted at home again. Even though she hits the road again on the path of greater adventures, she does have a place that she can call home. In many ways, isn’t that what the story of redemption is?

Aren’t we all looking for a home? Aren’t we all looking for someone who will accept us as we are? Do we not all have as the episode is titled “Sins of the Past” that we would like to see forgotten? I seriously doubt anyone would disagree with that? Is there anyone who looks back on life and says “I am proud of everything I’ve done and if I had it to do again, I’d do it all again!”

Even as I write that, I look back on my life and see many mistakes and think that I would love to change them. I’m the kind of person also that many times I’ll recover another memory somehow that adds to the pile and I want to throw it all away. When I think about the so-called problem of evil, it is not the evil that happened to me that troubles me the most. It is the evil I’ve committed in the past that troubles me the most.

Xena’s story gives hope. What she did in the past isn’t explained entirely in the first episode, but it is told that it involved the death of several people as one man says he buried two sons because of Xena. How does it end though? Xena fights for those who will not accept her who are her own hometown even, and in the end she is welcomed back and her mother hugs her. What a powerful scene!

Xena overcomes her past. I don’t know how the series ends, but I know if the beginning is any indication, there is hope. However, this is a TV show and we must remember that we have something Xena doesn’t have. We have Christ. How much more can we look forward to the future with him?

The Life of Worship

One question that had been asked last night was on why we were here. I wanted to save that for tonight, because I believe there is so much to that that cannot easily be expressed in a paragraph or two. I wanted that to have its own writing. My answer was that we are here to worship and glorify God.

That is seen as egotistical, but that is a misunderstanding. God is to be worshipped not because he wants it but because he deserves it. It is not egotistical for a general in the army to expect to be saluted by his troops because since he has that rank, he deserves it. God deserves the worship not just for rank though, but for who he is, the most perfect being of all.

In fact, God is not the beneficiary in worship. It is we who are benefited. When we worship God, we are then acknowledging that he is who he is and in fact, we are who we are. We are realizing our place in the universe and reflecting his glory.  God is not diminished if we refuse to worship him. We are the ones who miss out though if we fail to live the way we were meant to.

Yet an interesting rejoinder came in. I work with another who is in ministry training and my friend last night said that this other said that we are here for more than worship. If it wasn’t so, there wouldn’t be other things that God put on Earth for us to do. I can understand how someone would think that, but I think it reflects a misunderstanding of what worship is.

<> We often think worship is what we do on a Sunday morning or evening when we go to the worship service. There are times reserved for that kind of worship, but worship is not an action performed at a specific time. Worship is a way of life. The way you live is making you to praise the things of God or to abhor them.

So does God give us several things to enjoy? Yes. That is an act of worship as well though. As I write this, I am enjoying a nice can of Sprite and I consider that an act of worship. My typing on this computer can be considered an act of worship as I try to live in service to him. A man working hard at his job and doing it well is doing an act of worship.

This includes other areas of your life as well. How you treat your family is an act of worship. A husband and wife celebrating their love intimately for the first time on their honeymoon is an act of worship. Admiring artwork and beauty in all of its forms is an act of worship. Learning the truth about Christ and all he’s done is worship.

This must be learned by us and even myself. All that we do is worship, or rather, is supposed to be. An act of sin can hardly be considered an act of worship. If we rest and trust in Christ instead of worrying about the things of this world, then we are worshipping him.

Just think about it. What could be more of a life of worship to God than just trust in him and what he has done and believing on his promises? Could this be why our anxiety with our problems vanishes when we are truly in worship? We are recognizing him for who he is at that point and we for who we are and we submit to him in joy and realize that we can trust his leadership.

I also think truth is quite essential to this. We can’t say worship is an emotional high. Worship is done in spirit and in truth. You have to know who you are worshipping. Of course, we cannot know him exhaustively, but what we know had better be known about the God who is there.

Thus, I conclude that my other ministerial friend is incorrect on this point, but it’s a tragic one to be incorrect on. Worship does not fit into life. Your life is to fit into worship.

An Apologetics Evening

I had a magical evening tonight. I find it so fascinating as I think about it while I now blog. When I first started, I honestly wondered if I’d come up with something every night. Now, I have too many things I want to write about and it’s getting them all in. Tonight though was such a night that I had to write about.

I had a co-worker come to me and suddenly start asking the hard questions. Now I don’t really see them as hard, but they are interesting questions. The questions along the lines of “Isn’t it egotistical for God to make us to worship him?”  “Are we really here to worship him?” “Why is there so much suffering in the world?” “Why do we all suffer because one person ate the fruit?”

<> An interesting point in this was the time I started talking about morality and someone else joined in. This was someone who actually said that if I took a live baby and cut it up for the fun of it, then I have done nothing wrong. I took the advice of Greg Koukl at this point and said “Get help.” I was later told Hitler did nothing wrong.

Yes friends. Moral relativism is out there and this is the fruit it is producing.

It is my prayer that my co-worker will really consider all that was said, but I thoroughly enjoyed it as we got to other topics later on of directed panspermia and such. Friends. This is also why apologetics is so important! You can’t just say “have faith and believe.” There are questions that NEED to be answered. Some people do have honest questions that are holding them back. The gospel is never meant to be ignorance of the facts. It is to fully accept all the facts.

What are you going to do when the co-worker has a hard question? Ignore it and tell him to just believe? No. He needs an answer. If you don’t have one, then be honest. A line of “That’s a good question and I really don’t know, but I’ll look it up and do some study and get back to you,” can go a long way. After that, do so, and be sure to return.

<> Friends. Souls are on the line. I know a lot of you may look up to me, but I’m not the only one fighting this battle. You’re fighting it as well. Be prepared.

Little Pleasures

Tonight, I went to a local coffeeshop for a poetry reading. I can sometimes get to go and I bring my poetry when I do. However, I love the teas that they have there and I have to order a tea every time. The one I ordered tonight came with a bottle of honey. I’m a peanut butter junkie and I love it when it comes with honey.

So I’m getting some honey in my tea and just thinking about this simple pleasure. It is one that we take for granted so often. G.K. Chesterton once said that he would explain the problem of pain when the skeptics he met explained the problem of pleasure. If all is an accident, why is there so much good in the world?

Why is it that that tea tastes so good with the honey in it? Why is it that a glass of water has that taste of a glass of water? We take it for granted, but that taste is always there. We savor it when we go out to eat at a fine restaurant. We know many people who have a chocolate craving who would practically kill for a Godiva.

What about other areas? How often do I ponder that God made women beautiful? I know people often say the physical doesn’t matter but guess what. It does! God made the physical and he made it beautiful. Why should I not admire the human female form? Of course, I am to respect it which means I avoid pornography or undressing her in my mind merely to satisfy my lusts, but why not enjoy it? He made her beautiful and intended that beauty to be appreciated especially as it points back to him. How often do I see a beautiful female and think “Wow. God’s handiwork is right there.”

What makes sexual intercourse so pleasurable? Now I don’t know this one from experience, but I am sure based on all that I have heard from those who are not virgins. This is a really good thing. There are times I think about what it must be like and I get so caught up in the wonder of it.

How about learning also? I was pondering yesterday that I could have all my time away from work and spend it all reading on philosophy and theology and it would STILL not be enough time. If only I had forever to learn all that I wanted to. Then I realized that I do! I can get to spend Heaven learning about the wonder that is God. If I am to enjoy that then, why not enjoy it now?

Walk outside your house and look at creation. Enjoy it. Ponder that God could have made the world black and white but he didn’t.  Realize the utter joy that exists and all of this is from the grace of God. As James says, every good and perfect gift comes from the Father above.

<> Take time to enjoy the world today. Pray that I will enjoy it and I pray that you will also.

Points of Light

I had a friend stay with me since last Friday. He’s a good Christian guy from another state. In thinking about him coming up here, I started pondering about Christians all over the world. We seem to live in a world where evil does run amuck at times. However, there are glimmers of hope. Jesus described us as a city on a hill.

I look out on the world in this way at times. I am in ministry but for now, I am not employed technically. Instead, I work a regular job that I don’t really care for, but I have to do. Yet as I walk around where I work, I picture a call going out. It is a call for warriors to stand up and fight the darkness. A small point of light shines then.

<> There are several such lights in my city and then many more in my state. All around the world, I think of several Christians answering this call. They are starting to stand up and raise their spiritual arms to take on the evil that faces them. They are willing to put their beliefs on the line in the cause of truth.

All around, this call is going out. Warriors are taking up arms. Heroes are going to fight. This is the epic battle. This is a battle that has been going on for as long as man has been in rebellion against God. However, take all these lights and put them together, and you do have a bright light.

As I picture that, the world seems to be a better place. I want to fight for Christ. How about you?

Taking A Stand

Tonight, I was sitting at a table outside the break room where I work and reading my book. Then, some of the guys I work with come by and before too long, I’m hearing all the kind of talk that I don’t really want to hear. However, I decide that maybe it’s time for me to have some adventure and make a bold stand and I simply pray that God will open up a way.

<> Before too long, one of the guys mentions going home and clicking some porn on his computer when he gets there.  Now I’m sitting there reading my book and not even looking and I just say “Why?” I get the reply of “Because I like naked women.” I then say something along the lines of “I don’t think you’re going there because of that. I think you like pleasure more and the lady is the object you’re using.” It will have to be accepted that I have no word for word memory of all that was said.

I do remember pointing out that pornography is simply a way to get fake women instead of real women. I was told by one that he had a real woman at home to which I just said, “Oh? So she’s not good enough for you?” Yes. I do enjoy riling people up at times and I’m willing to step on some toes if it’ll make people move.

It then got to why should I speak if I have never had a woman? At that point, I said that I was proud to have maintained my virginity thus far. I’m not saying that I’ve been a saint in the area of women all my life. God knows I haven’t.  I do believe though that I have a lot more respect today than I did in the past.  I know what it’s like to have really been in love.

Eventually it got to also if we’ve all watched porn or not. Now this to me seems like a silly objection. I don’t watch internet porn and I’ve been blessed to never have a problem really with that. However, I also realize that I have to remain strong for in case I boast, I could fall.

Let’s suppose though that I was an addict. Does that mean that if I say “Pornography is immoral” that I am wrong? No. It means that either I am a hypocrite or that I realize the gravity of what I do and I am trying to change it.  The rightness or wrongness of the action does not depend on the person’s participation in it.

I was surprised that I seemed to have a decorum of respect with those same guys later on throughout the day. I have made my stand and if I am asked again, I will be able to continue with it. I made sure also to not bring up my religion yet. Too often, people will immediately cast it aside as merely religious reasons. I don’t think those are mere reasons, but they do. That’s the point.

Part of me also hopes that it will come to that point and I might get even something like “How can you be stupid enough to believe that stuff?” Oh my. Never mess with an apologist along those lines. If there is anything that makes me come to life, it is theological and philosophical discussion, and having it with those who disagree is quite enjoyable.

Yet in all of this, I thought of my own prayer. My prayer that I have served for a number of years now and tried to live a good life and my one prayer that God will grant me someone to love like that.  Yeah. There are other desires of course. There’s the desire to know the lady in the physically intimate way, but there is a great joy in simply knowing the lady.

I thought of praying that God would grant me the object of my desire, however, I thought that doesn’t even seem right. A lady is not an object. She is a person. I pray he grants me one I can love. Maybe I know her already. Maybe I don’t. I do pray that he grants her to come soon though. Being a single man is hard. I am one with strong desires. I have a friend who once said “If your girl-attractiveness was any higher, it would cause a massive implosion.” Perchance he’s right. That desire though is also rooted in purity and a love of who a lady is.

Thus, I pray he grants her. I want to be as pure as I can be and while I don’t necessarily want to rush, I hope that it is quickly. Proverbs tells us that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and has favor from the Lord.

<> May I be a man with favor.

Praying For You

This has been an odd night. I was going to write on one thing, but that changed suddenly upon a conversation I had clocking out at the time clock. I was standing there waiting for the time to come down. (I am OCD and don’t clock out a second early or late if I can help it.) A kind older lady was there who has heard about my aspirations in ministry.

She asked if I was in school and I told her that I wasn’t. I told her though that I plan to apply to a seminary soon and I told her where it was. All of a sudden, I see her look up and say “Lord. If he wants to go there, get him there.” I had to pause for a second to realize what had been said.

When I realized it though, my heart did feel a burst of joy. I had somehow touched this lady in such a way that she wanted to pray for me and wasn’t hesitant to let me know she was doing so. She asked me to pray for her also as that keeps her going. Thus, to all my readers, pray for this lady. I don’t give out names in my blog, but God knows.

It is such a joy though to know someone is praying for you and I thought about how our stories were intersecting. It seemed like an adventure was beginning. I had the prayers of a saintly lady to carry me through. Now I know other people are praying for me, but it brought a unique joy that someone I don’t know well was doing so. We expect friends and family to do so, but those we barely know to care for us in such a way is dazzling.

It is well-known that I am a Smallville maniac. I could just imagine the word “SMALLVILLE”  flashing across in my mind and hearing “Somebody Save Me.” (That’s the show’s theme song.) Yes. This is an adventure beginning. This is the adventure of living and prayer is an essential part to the story.

<> Thank you kind lady for praying for me. May I remember to pray for you also for I am not the best in prayer I readily confess. May others pray for me and may I pray for them as well.

Every Woman

Where I work at, I have regularly seen a music video by Elizabeth Withers of a song called “Be With You.” In this song, there is the line of “Tonight I’m gonna be every woman in your fantasy.” I don’t think anyone needs to be reminded that men have active imaginations in this area, but I ponder if the idea of being every woman is a good thing.

I am of the opinion that as a man, I do not desire every woman. If every woman was what was desired, then by all means, go out on the street and start fulfilling that dream right now. However, it is not quantity that I desire in this wish, but it is rather the quality of the lady.

If a lady is focused on being every lady, is she really being the lady that she is meant to be? A lady is not to be under pressure to measure up to a number of desires in the mind of a man. She is meant to be the ideal. The more a man truly loves a lady, the less he will think that she must perform as much as she just must be. A lady is defined by who she is first and what she does is an outworking of who she is.

In fact, the reason you marry someone is because they are NOT every lady. They are married because they are that one lady. They are the lady that is the fairest of all. The Song of Solomon speaks of virgins and beauties in huge quantities, but the one that has been chosen surpasses them all. That one is unique. She is the one that the rest of the world overlooked, but the lover only has eyes for her. She is the diamond in the rough.

The idea of having to please puts undue pressure on the lady, and for that record, if she appraoaches the man with a similar concept, it puts undue pressure on him. What I say can go both ways, but I am just more familiar with the male point of view. I’m sure it would be a mystery why.

I also think the lady lowers herself. She is truly the object of his desire, but she is not just an object. The man does not just seek an experience. He could get that on the streets. The man seeks a lady. He does not just seek any lady either. He seeks her.  The “performance” is an outworking of who she is and while he could be with anyone else, he would rather be with her.

<> Ladies. Always  remember this. You are to be who you are. You are not to be that supermodel on television or that singer on the CD or anyone like that. You are to be you.

<> And if you are loved, that will be treasured.