What hope do we have for today? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
Not too long ago, I wrote about something Elon Musk tweeted out and stated we don’t need a new philosophy, but we need to return to the old. Of course, I use the term philosophy as I think Musk intended it, a system of living. I am not saying Christianity is a philosophy, but I can say there is a Christian worldview.
Yet it’s easy to think for many that the hope Christianity gives is only for the future of when we die. It is not hope for today. It’s understandable that people think this today since we are so heavily future-oriented in Christianity. Why should you become a Christian? Isn’t it obviously so you can go to Heaven when you die? With this, Christianity becomes all about getting to Heaven and avoiding Hell. I can picture N.T. Wright saying that it is not less than that, but it is more.
For one thing, Christianity gives us hope of forgiveness. This is something that can be difficult to grasp. We are loved as we are and we are cherished as we are and forgiveness is free for the asking. All of us I am sure would like to erase some actions we have done from our past. That will not happen, but we can be forgiven for what we have done wrong.
The amazing truth also is we are loved. As a gamer, I like to watch various gaming channels and I like how one of the hosts at WhatCulture gaming ends each video he does with a positive message encouraging people on mental health. I understand what he means when he says that you deserve love and the best things in life, but to a certain degree, I disagree. What makes God’s love incredible is not that we deserve it. We certainly don’t. We are not owed love. What makes it incredible is we DON’T deserve it.
Christianity also tells us that what we do makes a difference and we have an example. Jesus is the greatest example of love the world has ever seen. His life has inspired morality, art, literature, science, medicine, etc. The world is a better place because of Christianity.
Hope for eternity does matter and the people who have had the effect in this life have had their eyes on eternity. We know no weapon formed against us will prosper. We know evil today does not have the final word. We know that suffering will come to an end. It means every bit of suffering we go through will be redeemed. This is not the end.
We also get to play a part. We can go forward knowing that like most any good story, the good guys win in the end. All will work out somehow and if we are on the side of God, all will also work out in our favor. All things will work together for good. The future does matter because if you know the future is good, you can push through the present today.
For today’s debates also, Christianity gives us a foundation outside of ourselves that we can hook on to. There is a foundation for truth, goodness, and beauty. There are answers to those questions and those three things we all desire are real.
Christianity is hope. Christianity is the only hope we have left for the world. Death does not have the final say. Eternal life begins right now.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Do we need something new? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
Over the weekend, I saw somewhere on Twitter that Elon Musk had said that people are losing hope in the future and we need a new philosophy. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find that tweet again. I agree with Musk on the first part, that people are losing hope. I disagree with the second part that we need a new philosophy.
By philosophy, I suspect Musk means a new way of living and a new way of seeing the world. It’s understandable, but it’s unlikely we’re going to uncover a grand new truth of reason that hasn’t been discovered already. The main foundations have already been laid and we are simply building on them.
I do question that we need something new based on the maxim of C.S. Lewis. If you find yourself traveling the wrong direction, the way of progress is to turn around. If we look at where our “progress” is taking us, it really doesn’t look good. The humanist dream has always said that Utopia is just around the corner, when Utopia usually turns out to be a nightmare.
What we need is not a new philosophy but a new embrace of the old philosophy and that is to return to Christianity. It is in Christianity that we have an embrace of the family, the essential building block of our society. It is in this system that we have an emphasis on morality and the good and love of your fellow man.
As for hope, Christianity gives us hope, and this is hope not just in the future, but hope for the present. We have a real message of forgiveness and that justice will be done for all. That can be both good and frightening as well. Justice sounds good when we think about evil people and we think about people who have wronged us. It doesn’t sound as good when we realize we have to sit at the same seat.
Christianity does give us hope that death has been defeated. It means that no weapon formed against us will prosper. It tells us that we should do our best, but that everything doesn’t depend on us. This is our Father’s world and He is watching over it. This message gives us something to live for. It’s not just about collecting the most stuff or having the most pleasure. It’s about seeking a greater kingdom and the best way to bring it about.
Christianity is a message of hope to people. It was something that changed the world of its time and whenever it is preached and lived, that same change begins again. Christianity tells us that everyone is worthwhile and everyone is in the image of God. Christianity tells us that God cares enough about us that He Himself lived among us and He is a security that we can put our hope in.
The way to change society around us today is not by anything new. It is to undo the damage that has been done, I contend principally by the sexual revolution, and return to the truth of Christianity, an ethic not dependent on circumstances or feelings, but on eternal truth. Some could think that hope is just for the future, but I will contend another time, perhaps tomorrow, that this hope is for the present life as well.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Is this proof there is no God? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
Last night, I saw on Unbelievable? in Facebook a thread with a news story about the school shooting yesterday and showing it as proof that God does not exist. The problem with something like this is that proof is a strong word to use. I could understand skepticism, but most philosophers, even atheistic ones, agree that there would be no proof here. The logical problem of evil is not really used that much anymore.
Now I have some political thoughts on this event that I shared yesterday on Facebook and I plan on sharing here as an addendum to this post, but the theological ones are the ones worth talking about. I have said on another post that I do not understand the usage of the problem of evil in this way.
This is not about whether theism is true or not as this point cannot establish theism or atheism. This is on a more matter of living everyday and of practicality. We could consider it a sort of Pascal’s Wager point on how you would want the universe to be.
Let’s suppose we have two universes. In one, there is no God. Now right away, since I think God is necessary for the universe to exist in any way, I am granting a huge point, but this is just for the sake of argument. In this universe, matters are exactly the same for the most part and the school shooting has taken place.
Will the victims ever live again? Not a chance.
Will the parents ever see their children again? No way.
Will the teacher who was killed ever see their family again and vice-versa? Forget about it.
Will anyone who does such a crime and somehow gets away with it ever get justice? Not necessarily.
Is there any hope for healing? Perhaps, but it sure isn’t built in hope of resurrection.
In a Christian universe, all the answers are different. Now this does not show God exists, but it does show we should hope that God does exist. That an atheist wants to use this is practically a way to me of saying, “Let’s push some hopelessness!”
The pushback I received was mind-boggling. Unfortunately, that thread seems to have been eliminated so I will have to go by memory.
First I had said that good can come out of this, and so the reply was “So you’re saying what happened was good?”
Good grief. Do these people not read?
Let’s be clear. Evil is evil. That’s a tautology, but no one can make evil good. God doesn’t even make evil good. God makes evil people into good people and brings good things out of evil things. There is a difference.
But don’t I believe in Heaven in that this gunman could have repented right before death and received forgiveness and gone to Heaven?
He could have, though I think if someone is that bent on evil it is highly unlikely. However, would you honestly want it to be otherwise? If you would rather someone suffer for evil rather than realize the error of their ways and turn, then that reveals very little about the evildoer and much more about yourself. We should always hope someone will change their ways and repent. We should always hope someone would embrace the good.
Right now, I have an ex-wife. It would be easy to delight if something goes wrong with her and her desires and she has to suffer, but why should I want that at all? Note that this is even a woman who has accused me of being abusive to her and shattered my heart to pieces and I suffer everyday because of it. Why should I delight in her suffering? That will not help me at all in my life.
Instead, I pray for her constantly and that God will show her mercy and where I am in error, let justice and mercy come to me appropriately. If I were to pray that she suffer instead, then that reveals nothing about her and more about me. Anyone can treat their friends well. It’s how you treat those who wrong you and your loved ones that shows who you are.
However, just because someone is in Heaven or in Hell doesn’t mean that it’s all equal. There are degrees of blessing and degrees of suffering. My ministry partner and I have talked about people who will be scrubbing toilets in the New Jerusalem.
There is also the claim that someone who is murdered if their murderer repents could be forced to spend eternity with the person who murdered them.
That article is sufficient to deal with those claims.
I was also told that I said the murderer is good. Not at all. Scripture tells us none are good but God alone. The beauty of the Gospel is that it takes evil people and makes them good people, people like you and I.
To those who lost loved ones yesterday, Christianity offers hope of resurrection. It says that good can come out of the darkest places. It offers our Lord who Himself was in the darkest place and out of that came the greatest good. It also says that those who turn to Him can have hope.
From just a practical basis, I would hope Christianity was true and I would think any honest atheist would want to know that there could be a way that good could come out of evil and there will be hope. In an atheistic universe, I gain no practical benefit from this.
May we all pray for those involved yesterday and that includes the shooter’s family who has their own suffering as well.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Political addendum:
So after this shooting, I did watch and saw Biden make a speech where he pretty much immediately went after the gun lobby and called for the passing of stronger laws concerning guns.
I am old enough to remember where the politicizing of a tragedy was normally condemned right after it happened, but I guess that the rules change when the left has power.
But since it has already been done, here are some points to consider.
If someone is really willing to break a law against murder and even kill kids doing it, do you really think they are going to pay attention to a gun law? Does anyone think the only place to get guns is through a licensed dealer or a place that does background checks?
Here are some better ideas.
From now on, police investigate every claim about someone making any sort of threat whatsoever against a school. If it comes out sometime in this that the villain (And here’s a side point. Don’t mention their names. They don’t deserve credibility. Just call them the X shooter for whatever school it was) was reported many times and had a history of threats and the police never did anything, that’s on them then.
When we say a place is a gun-free zone, what we are really saying is “Come in here and start shooting because we can’t stop you!” Everyone should agree that most people who have guns in this country are good and law-abiding citizens. The overwhelming majority would never do what some idiot did today.
If gun laws won’t stop these people, and they won’t, what will stop them?
For one thing, enforce the laws we have. If someone commits a crime that results in the intentional taking of a human life, don’t dilly-dally on it. Get them in and get them in jail and keep them locked up. If we have to use the death penalty, we do. Let people see that crime has a price to it.
Second, there are countless veterans all over this country who would love to have a side job of some kind where they get to patrol our area schools and keep students safe. Let them take security positions in schools. Many of them would be glad to do it on even a volunteer position.
Third, any teacher who wants to should be allowed to have a gun with them. Don’t think you can trust them with it? Then why trust them with your kids? Teachers are adults who should have the right to arm themselves, especially to protect students that can often be like family to them.
A law will not stop a shooter, but what could stop them is the thought that there are several people in that school who could kill them just as quickly before they get to go on a mass shooting spree. The best defense is indeed a good offense. Let the criminals wonder who it is that has guns in a school or any other place for that matter and let them ask if they are willing to take that risk.
Gun laws do not work and gun-free zones do not work. If you want to murder someone, you will not be stopped by a law. Fear is what will work.
How should we see 2022? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
Personally, I’m happy to see 2022 coming. People talk about 2020 as if it was the disaster year. If I say that, it’s not because of Coronavirus at all. It’s because that’s when so much trouble with my ex and I reached a breaking point. In all of 2021, I have not seen her one time in person. On the other hand, I have also not done anything romantic with a lady at all which is depressing for me.
2021 is the year I officially became divorced.
2022 is a year then I am looking forward to as I want to continue to change my life for the better. I am interested in a seminary and getting my Master’s and then eventually a Ph.D. I have noticed I have got to do more interviews and debates lately and I hope that keeps up.
We are told in the Gospels that Jesus said to not worry about tomorrow, which is true. Worry is stupid, even though we do it, myself included. Last night I went to bed worrying about a situation. I slept, but it wasn’t the most restful of sleep, and yet today early in the morning, the situation was resolved immediately and frankly, it never really was one. The real situation was the fear I had in my own head about matters.
By the way, as one who has long suffered with anxiety, and I do take medication now too which greatly helps, I would like to point you to the best book I have ever read on anxiety. That is Pierce Taylor Hibbs’s Struck Down But Not Destroyed. The approach taught in this book has been nothing short of life-changing for me in handling anxiety.
Often when we look at the future, we’re tempted to assume the worst. Why should we though? Let’s suppose the worst happens, whatever it is. God is with us. For me, I would have told you the worst thing that could have happened to me was to get a divorce.
Well, guess what. That happened, and it hurt immensely and it was awful and there were times that I wondered if life was really worth it, but you know what? I made it through. I made it through and I have kept going. Will there be a new worst possible thing to me someday? Probably, but I need to remember I made it through this one.
So if a disaster happens in 2022, well that’s just a fine time for the church of Christ to shine. That’s a great time for us to rise up and to show the love and power of Jesus to a world that needs that. Many times, I have reminders come that God is in control of the story and has it all worked out. Whether you are a Calvinist or an Arminian, all Christians should accept God is the author of this story and He is working it out.
So with 2022 coming, I want to see how it works out. I have my hopes and dreams, sure. I want to do my education and get my Master’s and hopefully, at least start dating someone special and being in a serious relationship. I also want to get a better job and be earning enough that I can provide for that woman.
I could be afraid of the future, but that wouldn’t do me any good. Wherever I go, I need to walk with courage. I never walk alone. God is with me as He was through the worst time of my life. He’ll get me through it all so why not enjoy the ride?
In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
What do I think of Mary DeMuth’s book published by Harvest House? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
A few years ago, the #MeToo movement started. It really gained a lot of momentum when the Kavanaugh hearings were going on and sadly, that’s when I think it also lost a lot of it. Many people started viewing the claims with suspicion. There are also concerns now that a guy and a girl can hook up somewhere and later on she can cry rape.
Despite this, no one would deny that sexual abuse is a problem today and it is sadly a problem in the church as well. This isn’t just the Catholic Church I’m talking about. It’s in other churches as well, including the Protestant ones, and our atheist friends are more than happy to point out when a pastor falls into sexual sin. Not only pastors, but many men in the pews are involved in this kind of thing. Even if a man is not actively using a woman in front of him, many men struggle with porn and women become objects.
Mary DeMuth writes from the position of a sexual abuse overcomer. I say overcomer instead of survivor because I prefer that term. Survivor refers to someone who lived through it. That’s great, but it’s even better when you pick up the pieces of your life and work on healing and overcome it so you can function still. The experience will always be with you, but God is a powerful healer.
DeMuth’s message is a simple one. I could sum it up this way. Listen. Really. Just listen. Too many times victims are not heard because the accused perpetrator is such a good man supposedly. When court hearings take place, the victim often stands alone while the church comes and sits on the side of the accused.
I was also pleased to see her reference the activity going on around Paige Patterson recently. That’s a topic I did some coverage on and what happened to him is a testament to how much more seriously we’re taking this now. The sad reality though is that women still often don’t think they can safely talk about what happened at church services.
By the way, that’s one criticism I do have of the book. DeMuth does state how much this happens to women. Something that is left out is that while it is rarer, men are abused too. I would have liked to have seen it pointed out that all abuse is wrong including that which happens to the male of the species. Men might be even less likely to report sexual abuse to them since that male pride kicks in.
I also do think it’s important that we teach women still some tips on safety. I know the victim isn’t to blame, but in this day and age, women need to be careful. If you’re a woman and your male boss invites you up for a meeting in his hotel room one night, I wouldn’t take it. We all know of stories about the casting couch at various places.
We men need to be protectors as well. A woman can feel much safer I suspect if she has a father, a husband, a brother, an uncle, a cousin, or some man who is willing to be there for her and let her know she’s not to be abused this way. We could all do our part to help fight the pornography institution and its constant objectifying of men and women both.
Sexual abuse is a shame when it happens anywhere, but especially so when it happens in what’s supposed to be the body of Christ. We who represent the one who honored women the most ought to be a place where any woman can come and feel safe. We also need to provide counseling and support to these women who have been through such abuse. Hopefully, a book like this will help us all be more aware.
What happens at Christmas? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
We’re visiting my family in Knoxville which means going to our old church here to hear a sermon and see people we know. We heard a sermon about how some people don’t have joy at Christmas and Christmas is really for them. I thought about that more last night. We often celebrate Christmas as a time of joy and gladness, and we should, but let us never lose sight of the fact that this is not the way Christmas was originally.
I don’t mean by the original usage what the later church did. I mean the real birth of Christ. Let’s go to see what the Bible says was going on. My favorite account of this is not in Matthew or Luke. It’s in Revelation.
Then I witnessed in heaven an event of great significance. I saw a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon beneath her feet, and a crown of twelve stars on her head.She was pregnant, and she cried out because of her labor pains and the agony of giving birth.
Then I witnessed in heaven another significant event. I saw a large red dragon with seven heads and ten horns, with seven crowns on his heads.His tail swept away one-third of the stars in the sky, and he threw them to the earth. He stood in front of the woman as she was about to give birth, ready to devour her baby as soon as it was born.
She gave birth to a son who was to rule all nations with an iron rod. And her child was snatched away from the dragon and was caught up to God and to his throne.And the woman fled into the wilderness, where God had prepared a place to care for her for 1,260 days.
Then there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon and his angels.And the dragon lost the battle, and he and his angels were forced out of heaven.This great dragon—the ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, the one deceiving the whole world—was thrown down to the earth with all his angels.
Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens,
“It has come at last— salvation and power and the Kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth— the one who accuses them before our God day and night. And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony. And they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die. Therefore, rejoice, O heavens! And you who live in the heavens, rejoice! But terror will come on the earth and the sea, for the devil has come down to you in great anger, knowing that he has little time.”
When the dragon realized that he had been thrown down to the earth, he pursued the woman who had given birth to the male child.But she was given two wings like those of a great eagle so she could fly to the place prepared for her in the wilderness. There she would be cared for and protected from the dragon for a time, times, and half a time.
Then the dragon tried to drown the woman with a flood of water that flowed from his mouth.But the earth helped her by opening its mouth and swallowing the river that gushed out from the mouth of the dragon.And the dragon was angry at the woman and declared war against the rest of her children—all who keep God’s commandments and maintain their testimony for Jesus.
Then the dragon took his stand on the shore beside the sea.
This is the world Jesus was born in. The world of Rome was not a friendly place. It was a sexually loose culture where women were seen purely as objects and children could be put to death for most any reason a father wanted. Slavery was seen as normal and it would have been revolutionary to suggest that it should not be. What we consider to be obvious answers to moral questions were not obvious to them. Those of us who are Christians believe also the works of the evil one were there. We can say John was exaggerating in 1 John 5:19, but that exaggeration surely had a point to it.
We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.
We could even ask where would the evil one be wanting to be the most active? It’s not in the areas that have already conquered. It would be going after the areas you still want to control. That would be the land of Israel, the very land Jesus was born in. We know in His ministry He encountered several demon-possessed people.
Jesus came into a world where things were hopeless. The Jews were looking for a promised Messiah and faced against the greatest empire the world had ever seen. Just a couple of centuries earlier, the empire of Carthage had not been able to defeat this force and militarily, Israel could not produce a stronger force. An act of YHWH could overcome, but YHWH had been silent for centuries.
Jesus came into this world. Jesus came into enemy territory as a baby and grew up fighting the enemy head on. This is the story of Christmas. We often think that there are people who are in hopeless situations, but these are the ones that Christmas is for the most. Christmas is not for people who have hope. They do not need hope. It is the hopeless that need hope. It is the hopeless that Christmas is meant to give hope to.
Earlier, I said the moral questions we consider to have obvious answers were not obvious to them. The Christians were the most counter-cultural people back then. They believed that every human being is in the image of God and deserves to be treated like that. They believed that sexual intercourse should be reserved for a husband and a wife only. They believed that the poor should be cared for and provided for.
Today, we Christians still uphold these beliefs and if we do so today, we are still the counter-cultural ones. It is in these times that we still observe Christmas. Every time we celebrate Christmas, we should remember that we are not just having fun and exchanging gifts. We are taking place still in a counter-cultural revolutionary movement. Those who want to be really different and stand against the culture should not be the secularists, but should seek to be Christians. Christians are holding the most radical idea of transformation. We actually believe that Heaven will one day be united to Earth in a sacred marriage.
Today, have fun celebrating Christmas and remember those who cannot. Christmas is for them too. Seek to give hope to someone who has none, for that is the very person that needs hope.
What do I think of Jeff Myers’s book published by David C. Cook? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.
Jeff Myers’s latest book certainly starts off getting your attention. How can it not with talking about people who were directly tied in to 9/11? This then gets directly linked to virus outbreaks that have taken place which is finally compared with the idea of mind viruses. Myers doesn’t mean some disease you need to go see your doctor about, but rather ideas that spread and people don’t have much defense for, including and especially, younger Christians.
Myers work is to deal with a problem which is that many of our younger Christians believe things that are entirely at odds with orthodox Christianity and they don’t even realize it. They’ve been made victims in a war that they don’t even realize that they’re fighting in, something immediately reminiscent of The Green Book is Lewis’s The Abolition of Man. These people have not been given a Christian worldview. As I’ve said many times before, it might be shocking to realize that to develop a good Christian lifestyle, you might need to have more than concerts and pizza parties at church.
Myers says that there are essentially five other kinds of worldviews, though no doubt there is some overlapping. These are secularism, Marxism, postmodernism, New Spirituality, and Islam. As I write this, I know Christian friends who have fallen especially for New Spirituality and Islam. Myers contrasts these worldviews with Christianity in the book.
One good aspect about the book is Myers is very open about himself and his own struggles and mistakes. When he writes about a failed marriage, he doesn’t hide it. When he talks about anger with God, that’s out there in the open. When he talks about mistakes in the past in the area of sex, that’s right there. When he says that counseling drains him, he means it. That kind of openness I admire.
Those questions are relevant because what Myers is really dealing with in the book is existential questions. Am I loved? Why am I hurting? Does life have any meaning? Can’t we all just get along? Is there hope for the world? Does God matter? Many of us in apologetics would like to leap straight to the questions of if God exists or if Jesus rose from the dead, but many people are not starting with those questions. They’re starting with these. We need to get to those questions, but how does Christianity answer these questions in contrast to other worldviews?
Myers’s book is clear and easy to read. You don’t have to be a professional philosopher to understand his arguments. There’s about 200 pages of content, but it’s still a relatively short read and it’s one that you could present to someone who is exploring Christianity and wondering about these kinds of questions.
If there was something I would like to see more of, it is that while the book is clear that Christianity does answer these questions, that doesn’t show Christianity is true. It’s fine to have a book dedicated to existential questions, but I would have liked to have seen a section at the end that would include apologetics books for further reading on the other questions that can show that Christianity is true. Perhaps it could point to other authors like J. Warner Wallace and Lee Strobel.
Still, this is a good book to read to help with the questions. It’s easy to read that when I finished, I put it in a stack of books for my wife so that she could go through it as she’s been learning a lot about these questions as well. If she does go through it, I am sure she will be blessed by it.
What’s it like to come close to death and can you find hope afterwards? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.
Many of you liked what I said about the death of Robin Williams. Today, I’m letting my wife Allie share some of her thoughts from a personal perspective.
I’m not sure if this is appropriate timing, but I feel like it might be a good time to share this. This is my story of my brush with death.
Five years ago, I was dealing with some heavy depression. I’ve always delt with heavy depression, but it reached a peak after a failed relationship with a guy I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like the greatest thing I could do for the world…was for me to not be in it anymore. Besides…who would care? Who would miss me? I mean sure, my family would be upset, but surely they’d move on eventually right? Everyone dies after all…just not by their own hands. Of course, this is just how I thought. I thought if I left no one would care or miss me except for my family and they’d only be sad for a little while, but would eventually get over it. But the thing with suicide that is different from any other kind of death is that the family and friends will wonder, “How could I have missed the signs? Could I have prevented them from doing this? Could I have even been the cause of them doing this?”
So I grabbed whatever medicine I could. I couldn’t grab them all because some of them were with my parents in their bathroom in the bedroom. I remember chugging all those pills. It was midnight. After I took all the medicine, I called the guy and told him what I had done…he hung up on me. I started writing out a note. As I was writing it, my vision started become a little blurred and I became dizzy. Suddenly my dad opens my bedroom door. He asks me “What are you doing still up?” It must’ve been between 1:30-2:30am at this point. I told him I was just up writing something then I’d go to sleep. I gave him one last look and told him I loved him and gave him a hug…thinking, “This is the last time I’m ever going to see my dad…he doesn’t even suspect a thing.” He said he loved me too and left my room. Even as I type this I’m getting teary-eyed. When I looked in the mirror, I saw that I had four arms. I knew this was going to be a long night. At around 3am, it started getting really bad. I couldn’t write anymore. The room was moving. The floor was moving, the walls were moving. There were different colors. I started getting a headache and there was a ringing in my ears. I had to crawl to my bed. Finally, I reached my bed. As I layed flat on my bed, as still as I could, my feet felt like they were being lifted up, yet I could see they were still on my bed. I turned off the light next to my bed. My heart was racing faster than it’s ever raced before. It literally felt like it was going to come right out of my chest! I started having mild seizures. My body would suddenly start seizing on its own every now and then, but then it would stop. I was in a constant sweat, yet I had the chills. I was cold…yet hot. I was scared…I had heard that people who end their lives by their own hands go to hell because they didn’t trust God. I don’t believe this theory today, but at the time, it was a scary thought. I was praying and asking God to forgive me and asking God to please let me be with Him instead of being in hell. I also asked God to be with my family and let them know they weren’t to blame for my death. I had talked to a friend for a few hours until she absolutely had to go. That’s when I started praying and prayed all night. Then 8am comes. I never fell asleep and I had still been praying. My mom opens the door. She says, “Allie, where is your brother’s medication?” My vision wasn’t blurry anymore but I had a hard time focusing on her when I looked at her. The first thought that came to mind was, “Why am I not dead yet?” Then the next thought was, “I’ve been caught.” I told her, “Look in my bathroom.” She goes in my bathroom and I hear her yell my dad’s name, “Allie tried to kill herself!” As I type this I feel nauseated, I can still taste the poison I put in my body. I couldn’t really get out of bed. My dad had to help me walk. I couldn’t walk on my own. The seizing had stopped. My dad drove me to the hospital. My mom told me she fainted in the bathroom. We get to the hospital, and I feel terrible for the poor lady working at the front desk. As we were talking with her, I just started vomitting. I vomitted all over her and her nice suit. My dad just barely missed my vomit. I’ve been told my eyes were darting all over the place. I was admitted into the hospital in-patient. I was poked with needles seemed like every 10-15 minutes day and night for three days straight. My heart was still racing rapidly. Every now and then parts of my body would start shaking on their own, like my arm or my hand, or even a single finger, but then it would stop. My parents would visit often. They’d bring me Wendy’s since I hated hospital food. I couldn’t sleep, partially because of the IV that was in my wrist. Every time I started to doze off the darn thing would start beeping! I had to drink this weird cranberry juice that had some medicine in it that would make me go to the bathroom and man did it make me go! Even while I was in the hospital though, I had some crazy hallucinations. The screen that monitored my heart I thought had games on it. I thought the bed was moving and I even thought there were camera’s on the bed! I thought I heard drs whispering about me behind my back. I thought I had memories of the hospital, even though I had never been there before. I thought I heard a flute being played. Then the craziest one was I thought the room I was in was infested with red ants! Red ants crawling everywhere! The walls, ceiling, furniture, everywhere! They’d bunch up in certain places and if I looked up at the ceiling, they’d fall on me! But if they fell in my mouth, they tasted like paper. I got so scared, it all seemed so real! I had to talk to a neurologist and they had to reasure me what I was seeing, hearing, feeling, and even tasting weren’t real. I heard my dad even cancelled a debate or speaking engagement he had because he wanted to stay with me during that time. I had to have help going to the bathroom since I was hooked up to an IV and so many other stuff. I was absolutely miserable. I was really mad at God too. I mean, I had no intention on surviving. I had no intention on ending up in a hospital. I also knew after doing a stunt like this, I’d end up going to another hospital I feared even more than going to hell – a mental hospital. I had to go to one years prior for self-mutilation and it was one of the worst experiences I ever had. Sure enough, a lady came in and spoke with my mom and me and said, “We have a nice hospital your daughter can be transferred at from here.” I ended up going there afterwards. As they were getting me off the hospital bed, I still had to have help because I was so weak. They loaded me into the ambulance and transferred me to what I thought was going to be my worst nightmare – the mental hospital. I was so exhausted…after having not slept for four days/nights straight. When I got to the mental hospital, I barely stayed awake until finally I asked, “Can I go to bed?” They thought it was odd of me asking, but when I told them, they were okay with it. I finally got my first night of sleep that night. They came in first thing in the morning and took some blood only one time the whole time I was there. It actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. It wasn’t like the first mental hospital I had been to prior. The staff was nice and it was kind of comfortable there. I was in-patient there for four days. I was then treated out-patient for a couple of weeks. While I was there, I was still angry with God for allowing me to live, but I tried to make the best of it. I was so hung over the guy I tried to end my life over, I thought, “If I get better, maybe he’ll take me back!” I didn’t realize at the time I had only been a guinea pig to him the whole time – he had never given a care about me. While I was being treated out-patient, I got an e-mail from someone saying, “I heard about you from (family friend) and heard you needed a friend. I’m Nick Peters. If you want to talk I’m here.” I was intrigued to say the least. So we corresponded back and forth. I’ll be the first to admit, I wasn’t the nicest to him. There were times I was pretty mean to him. But there were times where he could’ve been really mean back at me, but he wasn’t. There were times he showed he actually cared about me as a friend. At one point while we were talking online, I was really quiet about something and got upset (I don’t remember what it was about). All of a sudden I get this phone call from an unknown number. I answer it and they’re like, “Are you okay?” I ask, “Who is this?”
“Nick.”
“How did you get my number?”
“Facebook.”
He was actually worried about me because I got quiet. I started seeing other things in Nick other than him just being nice to me. I saw a joy in him about God I wanted to have. I had drifted a bit away from God and I missed having a close relationship with him. Instead of being angry with God, I tried to be thankful to him for rescuing me from death and tried to get closer to him again. I also started developing feelings for Nick. Eventually those feelings grew into something more and now we’ve been married for 4 years!
God didn’t just save my life from death that day though. My story is truly a miraculous one. What I have failed to mention and will mention now is that the doctors thought I was going to need a new liver. My liver and my vital organs should’ve failed. All those drugs I took (and I haven’t said which ones I took on purpose – but they were some pretty hefty meds) were in my system for eight hours before anyone found me that morning. I should’ve had organ failure. My liver should’ve died…I should’ve died. God not only saved my life, he protected my liver and my vital organs. The only damage that was done to me was emotional and I have some brain damage that has a 50% chance of healing. My story is one of hope, and I hope it gives you hope. That day God showed me a portion of his power. God said, “Live!” and I lived! Today I am thankful to be alive! God continues to show me his love and grace. He had compassion on me through this difficult time in my life. He has blessed me so much. He is a God filled with compassion. He is passionate for you! Give him your burdens, for his burden is light. He will give you rest.
What are my thoughts on the death of Robin Williams? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.
When I heard the news of Robin Williams’s death, it was in an email and I thought “That can’t be right. Surely it must be another actor with that name. Robin Williams committing suicide?” I went to IMDB and saw the age given matched perfectly. It was quite a shock to hear and it was indeed tragic.
Let’s go ahead and say it right at the start. Suicide is always tragic.
None of us really like death, but in some cases, we can accept it to an extent. If our loved one is old and it’s “their time” we’re sorry to see them go, but we understand. If a soldier or a police officer or firefighter dies in the line of duty, we are sad to see that happen and we don’t really think it was their time, but we understand it.
Suicide though?
That leaves us with question after question.
I put something about this on my Facebook yesterday and someone told me about someone whose Dad had committed suicide when they were five years old and how they kept asking “Did my Dad not want to see me grow up?”
This person was in their 60’s and still asking.
Suicide will leave a mark on every family when it takes place. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas will be different. Wedding anniversaries and birthdays won’t be the same. Whenever the date of the suicide comes around, the people involved will remember it. Every time they think they will ask themselves “Was there anything I could have done differently? Could I have stopped this?”
And they will never find a satisfying answer to those questions.
For our family, Robin Williams was a treasure. When my wife and I were dating, we lived in different states about 250 miles apart so I’d often bring over movies when I came to see her. At that time, she struggled with depression and one movie I bought was Patch Adams, which is about a doctor who used humor to treat his patients.
If you’ve never seen the movie, Robin Williams’s character, Patch Adams, has set up his clinic and a girl, Carin, he has an interest in is one of his doctors that helps treat the patients. One time, she is alone and a man with mental illness of a severe nature comes to see her.
The next thing we hear is that he has murdered her.
Patch blames himself and in the following scene, we see him having a dialogue with God wondering if he can even go on.
As you see in the video, what stops him is a butterfly on his medical bag that flies on to his shirt and then he has on his finger. Why? Because Carin had said earlier how she wishes she could be a caterpillar so she could transform and fly away. Patch has his spirits renewed by this and continues his work.
Since marriage, we’ve watched a number of other films of his such as Jumanji and Mrs. Doubtfire and we did watch the only season of the Crazy Ones together. Allie also was happy to share with me about how his daughter was named Zelda, after the Legend of Zelda, a series Allie knows I thoroughly enjoy.
Since hearing the story of Williams’s death, I have also been given some hope in hearing that he had attended Redeemer Church where Tim Keller serves as pastor and that he has attended at least one other church in San Francisco on a regular basis and had been asking questions. Did he find the right answers? We can hope.
I do want to say a few other thoughts that come to me about this.
First, if you are a Christian who is making comments about someone being in Hell right now and doing so gleefully, shame on you. I have unfriended one person on Facebook who did this. It is not our call to make if someone is in Hell or not. Yet even if we were absolutely certain that they were, we should not be rejoicing in that fact.
Years ago when Saddam Hussein was still alive, someone messaged me on a forum I was in when the news came that Saddam’s sons had been found and killed and said “Isn’t this good news?” Now I was absolutely certain they were Muslims and outside the fold and I replied that it was good that the evil they would do on Earth had been stopped and they would never harm someone again, but it’s tragic that someone enters eternity without the grace of God.
Yes. Even our enemies.
I do believe in Hell, and if you agree with me, you should defend it similar to the way that you would defend the reality of the holocaust (Since there are holocaust deniers). Both should be seen as realities and both should be seen as things that you would prefer could be otherwise.
Christian. You may think someone didn’t do the best with their life, but the reality is, well, neither do you. We all screw up and make mistakes. On this point, I don’t care if you’re a Calvinist or an Arminian. We all know the only way we get to Heaven is by the grace of God. We do not deserve to be in the loving presence of God and walking with Jesus at all. We all need grace.
If you think Robin Williams didn’t make it, then just remember that if it wasn’t for the grace of God, neither would you. I, meanwhile, hold out hope. This is also so since I found that one of the books he read often to his children and one of his favorites was the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and I hope he came to know who Aslan is in this world.
The next point is that suicide is a tragedy. This has been said, but some people have been sharing the meme of saying “Genie. You’re free.”
What does that mean really?
Do you really want to affirm the view of the suicide and the person contemplating suicide that this world is just awful and that we should all be seeking to escape it? Let us consider what G.K. Chesterton said about those who are suicides in contrast to those who are martyrs.
“A martyr is a man who cares so much for something outside of him, that he forgets his own personal life. A suicide is a man who cares so little for anything outside of him, that he wants to see the last of everything. One wants something to begin: the other wants everything to end.”
If you are a Christian, you should know that this is your Father’s world. This world is not all that it was meant to be. That’s true, but it is not Hell. There are plenty of good things here and one just needs to take the time to see them. Many times when I have been depressed, it has been the simple things that have brought me out, such as seeing my cat play with a toy. It can also be the love of other people, such as the touch of my wife.
You see, it’s okay to not always be in a happy mood. You’re not meant to always be happy. It’s okay to have a down day. You can’t force yourself to feel happy. If you could make yourself feel something, we’d all make ourselves feel joy. You’re not always responsible for your feelings, but you are responsible for what you do with them.
You might think Robin Williams is free today, but you know who isn’t?
If you’re reading this blog with sadness thinking about it, you’re one of the people who isn’t.
Neither are the immediate friends and family. The rest of the world is at a loss right now because of this tragedy. Suicide takes the pain that one person goes through and thrusts it instead on everyone else. It is a wound that will never be healed this side of eternity. It will be a constant reminder on the lives of everyone involved from then on.
I say this as someone familiar with it. Some of you know that when I was introduced to my now wife, it was when she was recovering from a suicide attempt.
How different things would be if she had succeeded.
And keep in mind for her, at one point, she thought it was all over. In fact, what she was doing was because of a bad relationship with a boy.
Would she have even dreamed that within about a year’s time, she’d be walking down the aisle to marry a totally different man who saw her at her worst and still loved her?
In fact, I wrote earlier this year about how she even won a beauty pageant earlier this year put on by Joni and Friends called the Miss Shining Star pageant for girls with disabilities.
I still remember it well. All the girls I had seen won had won the talent competition also. Allie had lost it in her division. There it was at the end and I was thinking “She’s not going to win it.” It just looked like she would lose this title.
And then they announced her name as Miss Shining Star.
She’ll also tell you I cried more than she did that day. It was just such a delight to see how far she had gone and how she had been so hesitant to enter this pageant and yet, she won it. Next year, she will pass her crown on to someone else so they can enjoy that privilege, but now, she is an inspiration that there is always hope.
And all of those might not have been.
In fact, each one of us is a “might not have been.”
None of us was required to exist. The world could have gone on just fine without our being here. None of us are essential to the story. Each of us has been given life and each of us is to decide what to do with it. I pray you’ll treat it as a gift.
Please remember this. Suicide is never the answer. Your pain might end at that point, but the pain you leave for others will never end.
Third point is one that seems odd coming from me, but it is true. My wife and I are Aspies and introverts. We don’t thrive on relationships like other people do, but we also know that relationships are important. I am incredibly thankful for the friendships that I have earned over the years. There is nothing like it. I am thankful for a family that raised me up in a Christian home and showed me love always, and I am thankful for the family that has become mine as well in my in-laws. They are honored to have me as a son-in-law and I am grateful.
I am also thankful for our church family. Just last Sunday, we celebrated Allie’s 24th birthday and some friends took us out to eat. Allie talked about how her family couldn’t do that since they were far away and my family can’t really afford it. This couple that took us out is in their 70’s and lead a group called Marriage Moments at our church. They know something about marriage. They’ve been married for 50+ years. Since our church is “The Point” they said to just think of them as their Point Parents.
That is something that I am sure will never leave me.
That evening, Allie and I watched Into The Storm with a gift card we’d been given by my parents. Allie really liked Twister and likes this one even more now. Still, as I saw it I was left in a somber state. I can assure you the movie is an awesome one that will have you on the edge of the seat, but I also think about the times that people were near-death and focusing on the relationships that they had formed over the years and wanting to tell people how much they loved them.
Allie would be the first to tell you how quiet and somber I was that evening.
Why? I’m a go-getter type of guy who wants to make the most of what I have and was thinking “Are we making the most of our time here now?”
Those relationships are important and of course, none of them will be perfect. You will not be a perfect spouse. You will not have a perfect spouse. You will not be a perfect parent. You will not have perfect children. You will not have perfect friends or be a perfect friend or have perfect siblings or be a perfect sibling.
And that’s okay.
Things won’t be perfect, but they can be great.
For we Christians, we should know this first and foremost. Our own God is eternally relational Himself in the Trinity.
Too often, we take these relationships for granted. We act like that person will always be here, and then a car accident takes place and they’re gone, or they get the news that they have cancer and their time is limited. We can often ask ourselves what we will do with the future, which is fine, but we need to ask ourselves what we’re going to do with this moment.
Of course, I am not saying be reckless with other people. As an introvert, I will not relate to everyone and there will be times that people like myself need to be away from the crowd and recharging, but even then, introverts need people too. Let us remember what C.S. Lewis said in The Weight of Glory.
“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which,if you say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilites, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – These are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.”
These are the people. These are the ones you will take with you into eternity. I am an avid lover of books and reading and the quest of knowledge. I hope my wife would agree however that I am a greater lover of her and I would hope ultimately also that I am a greater lover of God. The knowledge of God is subservient to God Himself after all.
Today, the world just doesn’t seem as funny because of a tragic event that has happened and made us all stop and think about what our lives really mean and what they’re all about. What we all would give right now to have had a butterfly come and land on Robin Williams at this time.
And if you are in this boat right now of considering taking your own life, please please please do not do it. Reach out and talk to someone. You can call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. (1-800-273-8255) Please also find a good local church and talk to a good minister or counselor there. Just reach out and get some help. The Christian message is that every human life is valuable and precious by nature of what it is.
My own wife wrote about what she was dealing with in her journal last night and shared it on Facebook. (So yes, I am not sharing something private here and she knows I’m sharing this and is fine with it.)
As I was journaling tonight, I journaled a bit about the death of Robin Williams and it got me thinking about my own suicide attempt five years ago. Stories of suicide is very heart-breaking, and for me, they resonate very deeply because I was almost one of them. Here’s what I wrote, you may like it, you may not like it, but it’s the truth and is what’s on my heart:
Why…why did God rescue me from my suicide attempt…but he allows others to die? Why did he rescue me from my death but not other people? It almost makes me angry to have survived. I’m no more special than anyone else, I still haven’t figured out what I’m really good at, yet God decided to rescue me? Why? I was still a follower of Christ, if I had died, I would’ve gone to heaven and been with the Lord. But there are some who don’t follow him who kill themselves, and their despair is even worse in the afterlife instead of having peace. Why God…why did you rescue me from death…but you don’t rescue others from the grips of suicide? Their lives are just as precious as mine! Robin Williams was doing good in the world – he made people smile when they thought they couldn’t. But I don’t do any good in the world. I don’t make any contribution to the world. So why did you rescue me? My soul aches…people are hurting so much…and there is so much death around me…people killing each other…people killing themselves…this is not what you created us for! All this death and violence…this isn’t what you wanted for us! What are we to do in world that is killing itself and breaking down? Will we all eventually kill each other to the brink of extinction? No, that won’t happen. You promised you’ll come back for us. You promised you’d come back and reign over us on earth, just as you do in heaven. We still have hope! You won’t abandon us, you always keep your promises. I know you’ll come for us, and you’ll be our King. The world will finally know you are there! The world will finally bow down to you as LORD. You will rescue your servants. You will come for your children. You won’t leave us like this. We are waiting for you…come soon my LORD!
As you can see, she still has problems and attitudes she’s working with, but I like at the end what she’s doing. She’s seeking to find hope in God and frankly, where else will you find it? If Christ is not risen, then death will indeed have the last laugh. It will have it on the suicide or the murder victim or the martyr or anyone else. No one will escape it.
If Christ is risen, those of us in Him have the last laugh on death.
And speaking of laughs, let’s look back on the life of Robin Williams and remember he left us with several. We will miss him, but let’s not lose sight of them.
Please be in prayer for those who have been left behind from this tragedy.
R.I.P. Robin Williams.
In Christ,
Nick Peters
Edited to add: A kind reader suggested a guide to help those struggling with depression and other conditions that can be found here.
