Why would a guy want to support abortion? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.
I honestly looked at it the first time thinking it was a satire. Many of us in the pro-life camp could say that a man would encourage abortion so he can get the sex that he wants. Yet here I was reading it from the pro-abortion camp. Unfortunately, that was not satire.
Where was I reading it? Right here.
Okay. Some of you might not be wanting to click the link right now. Well I’ll just show you explicitly what he says in it to make it even clearer.
“Your sex life is at stake. Can you think of anything that kills the vibe faster than a woman fearing a back-alley abortion? Making abortion essentially inaccessible in Texas will add an anxiety to sex that will drastically undercut its joys. And don’t be surprised if casual sex outside of relationships becomes far more difficult to come by.”
Casual sex outside of relationships….
Really, I contend that there is no such thing.
Of course, I know that one-night stands happen and people do have sex casually, but I contend that the sex is never casual. That is a bond made with another person and it is something that will stick in their own minds and affect their relationships with other people.
This would usually be less so for guys. Men tend to be the ones in our culture that want sex the most. Of course, this is not to deny that women want it as well and can want it and be aggressive, but usually, the one that is gunning the most is the guy.
Women normally want something else. They want to be loved. They want security. They want protection. They want someone they can be trust. They want to be provided for. The old adage is that men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love.
Looking at it as if it were economics, women are more on the supply side and men are more on the demand side. When does it normally happen in a relationship? It happens when the woman decides that she is ready, and whenever she says that she is ready, well that’s the price she’s worth.
There’s a story about a man being on a plane next to a very attractive woman and tells her he’d like to spend the evening with her in a night of wild passion and he’s an incredibly wealthy man and he’ll give her $1,000,000 for it. She thinks about it and decides it’s a good idea. As they go about discussing arrangements, he says that he was frankly lying and he’s not that wealthy. Would she do the same for $10? Indignantly she asks “What kind of woman do you think I am?” He replies “I believe we’ve already determined that. We’re just haggling over the price.”
So what does a woman think she’s worth? Is she worth dinner? Is that all it takes to get her to go to bed with a guy? Is she worth dinner and a movie? Is she worth a week? A month? A year? Engagement? Women. Whenever you say yes, you are saying that that is what you’re worth. You are saying what it costs to “buy” you.
Once that price is paid, the man can easily think he doesn’t have to do anything more. Might he leave you if you stop giving? Perhaps, but he knows he can always go somewhere else, hence the culture of casual sex. He just has to go to someone who doesn’t cost as much.
What that means for you women who have made the price for you to be “A lifelong commitment in marriage” and are saving yourself for that, you should be ferociously opposed to all the other women out there who are selling themselves for a lesser price. They are lowering your value in the eyes of the world. They are making it so that men don’t have to bother so much with being romantic. They get what they want and just give the bare minimum.
Does a guy really want to have sex with you? Well see how far he’s willing to go to get it. Are you worth him making a lifelong commitment to you with the promise of till death do us part or not? Reality is that you hold all the keys in this case. You can control the market.
Based on how you decide, you will determine your worth and the worth of femininity as a whole. If all women take the attitude of the bare minimum, then sex is cheap. It can easy to come across and then won’t really be worth as much and I would add, quite likely won’t be as good.
In economics, there’s a theory on goods can be two of three things. Those things are good, fast, and cheap. Fast food for instance is fast (Rumor has it. Some places make me wonder) and it’s cheap, but a man taking his girl to McDonald’s for a romantic date is no Romeo. Something can be good and cheap, but you will have to wait. Something can be done well and quickly, but it won’t be cheap. Consider that if you get rush deliver an item on Amazon, it will usually cost more.
I encourage you women to in fact avoid fast and cheap altogether and focus on good. To be really good, be slow and be expensive. That will mean making a man earn you. The best way again to do that is to have it be that he has to make that lifelong commitment to you. He can’t just say he’s going to. He has to do it. Don’t treat yourself like a credit card where you give now and he pays later. Make the man pay upfront as it were with the lifelong commitment.
After all, look at what the writer says. He wants casual sex outside of relationships. If abortion is restricted, it makes it harder for him to have sex without having to do the costly stuff of actually forming a relationship with the woman.
The writer says that this is for men who like women, but I see nothing in here that indicates that the writer likes women. If you like a woman, you do not use her as an object. As C.S. Lewis would say, he doesn’t like the women but really likes the sex and the woman is the apparatus by which he gets that sex. If he could not get the sex at all, would he still like the woman?
As long as women let themselves be used that way, it hurts all of them. After all, why should the writer have to do the costly work of investment in a real relationship when he can just get what he wants so casually?
Another little tip for you women. You can really use this to your advantage as well. In this area, women do have a great power over men. This also extends to marriage. For most of us men, this is the best way that we can be empowered by our women. It is a way we know that we are your men and that you wish to please us. It is affirmation at its best.
Ironically then at the end of all of this, while it can be said that we who are Christians are prudes, the reality is that we just value sex more than many of our counterparts do. (Unfortunately, I also realize too many Christians are bending on pre-marital sex) Sex is a valuable treasure that we are to keep locked up until its proper time and place. As I told a friend recently, it’s like nuclear energy. It works fine in a situation where its contained properly and used for the right purposes, but if it’s released the wrong way and not properly controlled, Chernobyl can be the result.
It should not be because we think sex is “dirty.” Far be it from us! We Christians must realize that this is the good creation of God and it is something to be celebrated. While we condemn the writer’s attitude towards sex, we certainly do not condemn the desire to have sex. Sexual desire is given to us by God. He designed everything that goes with it and gave it to us as a gift. (In fact, I have a book on marriage where the author says that if an atheist asks you to prove God exists, all you need to do is say “sex” and give him a day to think about it. I have been tempted to use this apologetic before.)
It is also quite revealing that this writer is willing to do something that will put babies to death in order for him to have his sex. Sex has become a god in that case and the price that is willing to be paid is the lifeblood of innocent babies offered up at the altar of your local Planned Parenthood. Are we going to say sex is worth more than human life itself?
If it was not for the fact that abortion is connected to sex, it would quite likely be immediately condemned. It is a wish to avoid responsibility. Of course, there are couples who are married and don’t have children and use various means to avoid that for the time being including simply natural family planning, but all those should be willing to raise up a child if things go wrong. If you’re not in that committed relationship, it’s much more difficult. If a man is not willing to make a commitment to a woman, he’s certainly not willing to make a commitment to be a real father to a child.
Fortunately, we can thank the writer of this article for spelling out what many of us have been saying all along. Women who are reading should seriously take the time to consider their real worth. Men who are reading should be just as much opposed to this because this man lowers all other men. He helps fit that stereotype that men care nothing about women and just want sex. He makes it that much harder for women to trust men today. He deserves to be the object of shame to men everywhere.
For those of us men who don’t just like our woman, but in fact, love her, let this inspire us to do better. Those of us who are married should seek to still be romantic to our women so that they can know that we still think they’re worth everything. (For instance, if you’re like my wife and I and financially strapped, you can do simple things, such as a home-cooked meal with candlelight) If you’re married and think that means you can relax and your wife will still give, you are saying something about her worth to you. In a good and active marriage, it should be the case that both parties are seeking to please the other as much as possible.
We also need to be raising up the younger generation with biblical teaching on sexuality. Robert Gagnon, a Christian writer in this area, has said that every church should have a sermon on sexuality at least once a month. I agree. Many of our men struggle with pornography in the church (And to be fair, more women are nowadays as well) and temptation is all around us.
Youth groups are simply given a few verses from Paul and then sent out into the wild. That won’t cut it. Even I, someone with lessons in Seminary, had times when dating that I had to battle a strong temptation. Being tempted is not a sin. Every dating couple WILL be tempted. It’s how strong you are in the face of that temptation. I can say that it was my background in biblical studies on sexuality that kept me waiting until our marriage. What happens if someone does not have that foundation? It does not guarantee they will fail, but it makes it all the more likely.
Also, when we teach our youth, we are prone to give just the negatives. I still recall vividly being in a church service where the pastor said that if you have sex before you’re married, you’ll be doing it for selfish reasons. Okay. I can get that. I can even agree with it. Yet what were the reasons to avoid it?
You could get pregnant. You could get an STD. You could damage future relationships. You will be ashamed on your wedding night. You will have guilt.
Let’s not make any promises about what will happen that we can’t keep. Reality is many young people who grow up Christian have sex before marriage and feel no guilt whatsoever. If feeling guilt always resulted from wrong action, most of us would be better people. Our feelings are not the indicator of if we’ve done something wrong or not. Furthermore, looking at this list, these reasons all seem pretty selfish as well. They’re all about what it will mean to me.
There’s no mention of “I will be dishonoring my God” or “I will hurt my parents if they find out” or even a simple “It’s just wrong.”
At the same time, when teaching youth, we must look at the positives. By contrast, when I was growing up here, we had a speaker come by from a crisis pregnancy center who was all about sex and said “I am saving up for my honeymoon because after I get married, I am going to be having sex with my wife for two weeks!” This speaker left us excited and motivated and at the same time was proud to say he was a virgin (And how he even said it publicly before sports teams when he was in school) and the value of waiting until marriage. Such a message is far better.
It is essential that we tell our youth that we want them to wait, but it’s not because of how they’ll feel, but because sex is just something awesome and if it’s not used in its proper time and place, then it becomes something dangerous that will explode in the face of the person misusing it. We need to encourage them to not go for just one thrill after another with different people looking for the “best one”, but to learn what it means to make a commitment to one and have that part of the relationship grow better and better with time and practice. Marriage is the perfect place since both parties have already stated their worth and when treated as the lifelong covenant that it is, means lovers can come freely to each other knowing the other will always be there and not thinking their sexuality is being tested. A lifelong covenant isn’t too much of a price if a man really loves the woman. After all, a lover doesn’t want to be free. He wants to be bound.
We can win this battle, but it’s going to start with us learning to treat sex as the sacred item that it really is. Women need to raise the bar for what they’re worth and men need to rise to the challenge. If a man is not willing to pay that price, well that’s going to be his loss. That prize will go to a man who’s worth it.
Next, we start by training our youth. We don’t just teach them. We train them. Parents need to model before their children what a good and happy marriage is like. Of course when they’re older, that includes teaching about sex. Parents need to let their children know that sex is an important part of their marriage and the joy that comes from waiting and how if their children want to get married, that they want them to enjoy that too. As my friend J. Warner Wallace says, parents are the first line of defense.
After parents comes pastors and youth ministers. Both need to be giving biblical teaching on matters of sexuality. Women of the church need to be teaching the younger women and men of the church teaching the younger men. Youth ministers need to have their own monthly meetings with students discussing temptations that exist in the world and why it’s so important to wait until marriage. One of the best ways to stop abortion would be to stop the problem of sex outside of marriage after all.
Ultimately as I consider it then, it will take us men being more romantic and is that really a price to pay? Isn’t that what we should be wanting to do anyway? I also suspect many women don’t really have a problem with the guy being more romantic. (Provided he does it the right way. For that, I recommend couples read something like “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman)
I hope I’ve encouraged you to go out there and fight this battle. For the women, you’re worth it. For the men, you’re women are worth it. For the babies in the womb, each of them is worth more than the universe itself and don’t need to die so we can have casual sex. They are especially worth it.