Category: Love

Ten

What’s going on today? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters.

Ten is tin. That might sound like a weird playing of the English language, but it’s actually an accurate statement. I looked it up not too long ago. A marriage anniversary for 50 years is the golden one and 25 is the silver. Ten is the, well, tin.

Today marks ten years with the love of my life. It’s been an interesting ten years. Those years have had good times and bad times. We’ve had romantic times and hard arguments. We’ve had love and hostilities at times. In other words, our marriage has been much like anyone else’s in so many ways.

Marriage changes you. You learn about love and sacrifice. You learn what it means to give and what it means to receive. You learn in many ways also what you are really like. Someone said years ago that when you marry, God holds a big mirror right up in front of you and says “This is what you’re really like!”

And in some ways, I have seen what I am like. When I am upset with Allie over something she has done to me or something else in her life, I am reminded before too long “And how are you any different?”

You learn a lot about beauty as well. For me, for several years, I have been a big fan of natural beauty. I still am. I never understood make-up. I never cared for it. Now I’m married to a woman who after marrying decides she wants to study cosmetology. What have I found? I have grown to appreciate what she does with make-up. Why? Because that is her and she is working on bringing out her beauty. I always stress that make-up can never make her beautiful. It just brings out the beauty that is already there.

I have also realized what it means to truly be captivated by a woman’s beauty. A few years ago we were in a Wal-Mart and Allie saw an inexpensive dress and wanted to try it on. I had no objections! I love a woman in a dress and I hadn’t seen Allie in one in years. I’m waiting outside the dressing room and when she comes out, my jaw drops. I can hardly believe that this is my wife.

She still stuns me. We recently got a romper for her and she’s stunning in it. She also recently got this shirt that has a nice lace pattern on the top of it and I just look at her so many times and wonder what on Earth I did to get such a beautiful woman in my life.

That can also bring us to intimate matters. Some guys have the idea that sex is better than intimacy. This is false. You can have sex conceivably with someone and have it just be a physical action and not intimate at all. I have come to see sex as a gateway to intimacy or a result of the intimacy we already have. I have learned to see what it means to respect and treasure a woman’s body. It is always a gift. Anytime I get with Allie is always brand new and I am always amazed by her.

Let’s also talk about our faith in this. Allie has recently been exploring Eastern Orthodoxy. At first, I was not a fan of the idea. Now, my attitude has softened. I’ve come to know her priest well and there is a great mutual respect between the two of us. One thing I like is that he was hesitant about receiving her into the church because he didn’t want to come between our covenant. She’s still not received, but I appreciated that. I consider her priest a friend. I disagree with the Orthodox community still in many ways, but I also see them as my people. I can go to the church and get along and enjoy communicating with the people. They can know I’m the token Protestant and that’s okay.

My wife’s spirituality is something I admire. Lately, she has been reading more of the Bible and I have heard her reading it out loud as she does. This is a new approach to me and I get something out of it. I admire her willingness to set aside this time.

Generally when we pray at night, I lead it, but I really love it when she prays out loud. I’m sure if she’s reading this she’s feeling embarrassed now, but her approach to God is just so real. My temptation is always to talk like a theologian and bring in my theology. She really approaches God like a child.

When God seems absent in her life, she really feels it. When things seem wrong and she’s angry with God, she’s really angry. I get jealous of that sometimes. In either case, she is taking her relationship with God super seriously and I really admire it.

Allie is also a great listener. One of our friends back in Knoxville once said to us together, “Nick. I love you man and you’re a great guy, but if I need an ear I’m going to talk to your wife first because she’s so much better at that.” She is. I don’t dispute that. I say that in our marriage, I’m the head and she’s the heart.” If you need an answer to your problem and want advice, come to me. If you want an ear, come to her.

This isn’t just with her friends. If someone hurts Allie, I’m usually ready to dispense with them and I’m tempted to plan out how my revenge will be. Allie isn’t like that. Recently, someone at our apartment complex hurt her greatly, but I know that if this person called and was in a crisis state, Allie would drop everything she was doing and rush over there and help.

By the way people, with that, if you have a prayer request also, present it to her before me. She will remember it better than I will and when we pray she will remind me of it. She will also take it much more seriously. Allie does have much more of a heart for the hurting than I do.

Many of you know about our cat, Shiro. The reason we have him is her. She had that great compassion on him and wanted to give him a home. So far we have also provided one home to a stray cat here by finding someone at my church who took him in. Allie has a great love for animals.

She’s also been getting into cooking. This is something I need to work on because I have a food phobia honestly, which can happen on the spectrum. Therefore, I don’t eat much of what she cooks, again, what I need to work on, but what I need is great. Allie makes the best pizza I know of hands-down. She makes breadsticks that give Olive Garden a run for her money. She’s recently got into fixing grilled cheese sandwiches again and now they have become a staple of my diet. I haven’t had it, but her mentor told her on her first attempt at making chicken alfredo that she had never had some that was as good as what Allie made.

Let’s return to that thing about make-up and talk about her heart there. What’s one of the goals she has with make-up? She wants to be able to go to the hospital to children who have burns or other conditions like that and be able to make them feel beautiful for a day. Honestly, I wouldn’t have thought about something like that. I suspect there are many people in the field of cosmetology who haven’t considered that. For Allie, it’s one of her very first considerations.

So today marks ten years with a woman who is still amazing me after all this time together. I anticipate she’s not done yet. Everything we have gone through has been worth it. Just yesterday I went to the mailbox and saw an anniversary card from my parents addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Nick Peters. It’s a reality. This woman shares my name.

And today, she has shared it for ten years.

Happy Anniversary, Princess! You are the most beautiful woman I know inside and out.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Are Men Monogamous?

Can we really stay with one woman? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

If you asked me how many women I have found attractive in my lifetime, I have no idea how I could answer. I think women are absolutely gorgeous. I am super thankful that God made them. If the only argument I had for the existence of God was female beauty, it would be enough. This is also from someone who did not grow up watching pornography.

While that number is countless, if you ask how many women I have had a sexual relationship with, that number is easy to count. One. My darling wife Allie is it. Two weeks from today will be ten years of marriage for us.

Yesterday while driving to a meeting, I heard a radio show that was local asking about if men are monogamous. Can they be? Is it in our DNA to want to have multiple women? One lady on this show said she grew up reading the Bible and throughout the Old Testament, the great heroes of the faith didn’t seem to be monogamous. Abraham, David, and Solomon had wives and concubines.

These are all important questions.

In the Old Testament, divorce was a practice that was allowed, but Jesus reminds us, it was because of the hardness of our hearts. The ideal was one man and one woman for life. Once those two come together, the union is complete and no other party is needed.

As for these relationships with concubines and multiple wives, that was also allowed, but whenever it happened, there was trouble. Abraham’s relationship with Hagar was because of a lack of faith on his part and that led to trouble in the family. Jacob’s family was extremely dysfunctional and his multiple wives led to favoritism. David was a horrible father and his kids had murder and treason and rape going on with them. Do I really need to tell what happened to Solomon?

When we get to New Testament times, this kind of behavior in Israel at least is hardly seen at all and nowhere can I think of described in the Gospels. When Paul writes his epistles, he assumes a husband will have one wife to lead the church. You don’t see polygamy really being talked about.

But is it in our DNA to be monogamous? I think that’s the wrong place to look. I understand it could be a figure of speech as well, but if we want to see what a man is meant to be, Jesus was the greatest example of what a man is meant to be. While He never married, He did always treat women with respect and honor.

Jesus was also tempted, which is no sin, but He did not give in ever. That means if Jesus had been married, He would have treated His wife as His alone and not gone after another woman. He would have treated His wife with honor physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually.

Part of the problem is that once we step outside of sex between a married man and woman as the norm, we open the door to everything else. Most people really do not think about sex today. Some of you might be astounded to hear that. Haven’t I watched TV? Well, yes. I have. Doesn’t change my mind.

Oh we fantasize about sex. We talk about sex. We daydream about sex. We just plain have sex. We just don’t think about it. We don’t think about what it’s for and how it’s to be used. We just see it as a really fun thing that we do together. The ultimate point in most TV shows is when the couple has sex together, as if there’s nothing higher.

Maybe there is something higher like years of committed monogamous marriage to one another.

You see, anyone can have sex. Anyone really. It’s not that big of an accomplishment. To be faithful to one person for several years though is an accomplishment.

A woman is not just there for a man to get to treat as a plaything and then move on. Sex is not meant to be the testing grounds to determine if you love one another or if you belong together. I even see many Christians today deciding to live together before marriage and having sex before marriage as if it were no big deal. It is a big deal.

Does this mean temptation is not a battle? Not a bit. I have to look away from women numerous times. My wife is an absolute knockout and more than enough for me, but the sinful desires in me are tempted to want to look elsewhere. In our society today, porn is an easy way to do that. You don’t even have to seduce a woman. Just a click away are several women you can look at.

Which is a great dehumanization of them. It is getting a woman that requires nothing of you. You don’t have to be a man to win her heart. She doesn’t know you and she doesn’t care about you. Also, you don’t know about her or care about her. All you are caring about is her body and you are training your brain to think that way bit by bit.

However, men can be monogamous. We can be faithful. We can rise above desires that we should not have and do what we know we ought to do. While I do have the desire for many different women, higher than that is the desire to honor God and be faithful to the wife that I have. If it is my highest desire to please God, I will be faithful to my spouse. (This is all assuming you do not have a spouse who is abusive to you. If so, that does not justify an extra-marital affair, but you can leave that spouse.)

This is also why I have the group “As Christ Loved The Church” on Facebook. To help men who are either married or on the path or just wanting to marry to learn how to be faithful husbands to their wives. It’s a real struggle.

I know I’ve emphasized the men here because the question was about men. Women need to practice this themselves. Women really control the sex market and every time a woman gives sex without marriage, she is really lowering what is required of her on the market to give herself and saying she does not require a lifetime commitment. The next woman will go even lower until before too long, sex on the first date becomes common. Is it any shock you have the app Tinder that says you can get together for just a hook-up?

Sex is sacred. Men and women are sacred. Marriage is sacred. We need to treat all of them like that.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Book Plunge: Jesus Is Better Than Porn

What do I think of Hugh Houston’s book published by Jesus is Best? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

From the moment a guy hits puberty, one of the thoughts that goes through his head is the wonder about what certain women look like underneath all those clothes. A guy can see the girl and think that there’s only a thin barrier keeping him from viewing paradise and that barrier is clothing. A guy desires to see that beauty.

This is not an evil desire in itself. Women were made beautiful and God knew what He was doing. As a married man, I am always happy whenever my wife trusts me with all of her beauty. There is nothing like it in all this world.

Well, there could be something out of this world that’s even better, and that’s Jesus. Hugh Houston thinks so and does so as a man who wrestled with pornography usage for decades. He started as a young boy and it continued even into his marriage.

One of the hardest moments was having to tell his wife the truth. I am not going to begin to understand what this is like for a woman. It is a form of cheating and it leaves the person thinking “Am I not enough for you?”

Houston then describes his life of escaping from porn and the lies that pornography told him. He describes being in recovery groups and what men and women go through. He also says that porn cannot deliver on its promises and does so with Scripture, reason, and other Christian writers.

There is great advice here on overcoming addiction and it would help someone with any addiction, not just porn. Houston writes in a personal style practically begging the reader to not get involved in the addiction. He also has several helpful resources to help a person on the path to escaping addiction.

He also does stress the pain that it causes the other person if you are married. This is important since there are even some pastors who have told couples having sexual problems to try watching pornography together. It might work some in the short-term, but in the long-term, it will do more harm.

As I have said, when I drive around the Atlanta area here, I hear many ads for men struggling with ED. I am convinced one of the main reasons for this is porn. Men have been so aroused by fake women over and over that they find it hard to be aroused by a real one right in front of them.

The book is also a short read and it would be great for people struggling with porn, or who have spouses who struggle, to read together. Each chapter ends with questions at the end for discussion. If you are struggling with porn or know someone who is, this is a great place to go to.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Love Your Enemies

How should you treat your enemies? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Jesus has just told us to respond with kindness to those who insult us and try to hurt us, but now He ups the ante even further. Up until now, He has been telling us what the Law means, but the next saying He quotes is not from the Law. Let’s look at the passage in Matthew 5.

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Nowhere does the Law command you to hate your enemy, but this was a common thought of the time. If you loved your neighbor, since an enemy wasn’t specified, surely you are to hate your enemy. Nope. You are to love them too. Actually, the Law itself upheld good treatment of the enemy, such as returning his stray animal to him.

This can be really hard at times for all of us. I don’t consider myself having many personal enemies, but if someone hurts Allie, they become my enemy. I was once at a Christian event and I looked up and suddenly from behind, the person in front of me looked like someone who had really hurt Allie in the past. I was filled with rage immediately. I could hardly concentrate on what the speaker was saying. I found out later it wasn’t him, but at the time, I sure was thinking about things I wanted to do.

My usual idea in this case is to do what I want and then ask for forgiveness later.

Just a couple of days ago we had someone knock on our door and with them was someone Allie had been hurt by. They wanted to take us downtown and offered to pay us. I only asked if it was okay with Allie.

It’s really amazing how we think. We look at what other people do so much which we cannot control, and we look at what we do so little which we can control. When I stand before God one day, He is not going to ask me about how other people treated me. He is going to ask me about how I treated other people.

God demonstrates this love. Everyone gets rain and everyone gets sunshine. Anyone can love someone who is good to them as well. Big whoop if you do that. It’s if you can love someone who is opposed to you. That’s a real accomplishment.

Something to note. This does not mean you necessarily put yourself in a compromising position. In a 12-step recovery, you are told to make amends to people you have hurt unless that would hurt you or them. If it is dangerous for you to be in front of a person who could be a threat to you even if you did hurt them, do not reach out to them. You can forgive someone for a wrong, but you don’t have to trust them again.

Those who want some examples of this kind of love are free to check my article on if your murderer will be in heaven, which is one of the most popular ones on this site. As someone said in the comments, right now, Stephen and Paul are together. Radical love is what is required to be a Christian.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

On Separation

What about separation in marriage? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

After writing on divorce yesterday, an appreciative reader asked my thoughts on separation. Now as I said, I think on some level divorce is always an evil even when it should be done. It’s an evil that someone did something to break a promise before God and man and someone can often be an innocent victim of that.

Sometimes though, a couple might just need some time apart. Even healthy couples need some time apart for each one to focus on some of their own hobbies, interests, and development. I love having my Mrs. around, but there can be times when she’s away with a friend and I do some of the things I like to do that she doesn’t really care for.

I was asked to share the thoughts from Scripture on separation. I really don’t think that category existed in the ancient world. I could be wrong about that, but I haven’t seen anything on that. Also, Scripture tells us how to do marriage and the purpose of marriage, but it really doesn’t tell us about marital counseling.

So what are some guidelines I would do?

If this is done, I think the goal should be to try to save the marriage and not to end it. Christians are to focus on redemption. In that case then, let it be that you will spend time working on your own problems in the marriage, even if you’re just hypothetically 1% of the problem. It’s easy to focus on what your spouse needs to do, at least in your eyes, but you have no control over that. You do have control over yourself.

As a Christian, pray for them and for your marriage and to go back to the first point, ask that you would be shown what you’re doing wrong in the situation. We all have sinful tendencies in us that need to be improved. We all have areas where we are less than perfect people.

I’d advise you to stay faithful in a separation as well. Don’t be dating other people and definitely not having sex with other people. If you’re a Christian, this will reflect badly on you. If the marriage doesn’t work out sadly, there is time for that later.

There are times that separation can be needed. Definitely go with separation if there is abuse going on that puts someone in danger, be it you or children. It is imperative that the spouse get therapy and take steps to show that they are serious about recovery, such as a 12-step program in Celebrate Recovery.

Another example could be pornography. Since this is normally a problem for men, though women can have it too, this might be a case where a wife is justified in saying no to bedroom privileges. Again, I always think that is a drastic step, but a wife needs to show how hurtful pornography is to her.

Definitely any couple undergoing separation needs to undergo marriage counseling together. Many a pastor is trained to some degree in marriage counseling, though they could recommend a specialist as well. My wife is a catechumen in the Orthodox Church and her mentor has informed me that all priests in that church are trained in marriage counseling as well, which I highly admire. This is also why I think those who lead a church should strive for higher education.

Divorce is always a tragedy and while separation can be sad, hopefully, it can lead to healing. Our Christian culture needs to do a better job upholding the sacredness of sex and marriage today. If short-term suffering can lead to long-term joy, it could be the answer.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Divorce in the Sermon

What did Jesus say in the Sermon about divorce? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Let’s just jump into the verses in question.

31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this comes after talking about lust. That would mean Jesus is saying that it doesn’t matter if your eye catches someone more appealing. You have a covenant that you are already in and you are to honor that covenant.

Let’s state the matter seriously. Divorce is an evil. Period.

“But Nick! You don’t understand! My wife was cheating on me!” “You don’t get it! My husband was abusive!” “The children were in danger from my spouse!”

Yes. All of those can be true and in a number of cases, divorce can even be sadly advisable, but it is still an evil. Why? Because it’s tragic that a case where two people vowed to love and remain faithful to one another until death was shattered because someone decided to break the covenant.

This is not to say then that everyone who has divorced is guilty of an evil. My parents were both divorced before their current marriage because both of their spouses were unfaithful. It’s good today that they’re together, but it’s tragic that both of them married spouses who broke their covenant.

That’s also something important to stress today. Marriage is a covenant. It doesn’t depend on your feelings or emotions at the time. If it did, marriages would shatter constantly. (Maybe that is why they are so much as many people do just that.) Marriage is a promise. How you treat it says less about your spouse really and more about you.

Also, keep in mind that not all of the above scenarios necessitate a divorce. Suppose there is a husband who is cheating on his wife. Some marriages can bounce back and be strong even after an affair. It does require therapy and repentance, but it is doable.

If you have children in a marriage, they will be the ones who suffer the most from divorce. Not too long ago I read a book called Primal Loss. It’s from a Catholic perspective and all the participants are Catholic, but all of them were still deeply hurt by what happened with their parents and it doesn’t matter what age they’re at.

Marriage is a covenant that requires work. In Jesus’s day, one school of thought said a husband could divorce his wife for anything displeasing, such as hypothetically if she burnt his toast in the morning. Jesus ups the ante tremendously and says marriage is for life entirely. Paul ups the ante and says that even if a believer is married to an unbeliever, if they are not being in danger, they should stay with the marriage. They may convert their spouse after all.

Fortunately, Shaunti Feldhahn has done some great research showing the idea that divorce is as common among Christians as non-Christians is a great myth. However, it is still way too common. All of us need to do what we can to honor marriage. That includes singles as well, such as saying if you’re not marrying that you’re going to remain celibate.

The rest of us, remember we made a vow before God and man. Let’s keep it. God will hold us all accountable after all for how we treated our spouses.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Lust and Adultery

What does it mean to lust? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

My wife’s priest talked once about going to a youth camp and having the young boys come up and say “I’m struggling with lust.” This was often spoken of in secret as if it would be big news that young Christian boys deal with lust. I suspect there would be far more concern if they were NOT dealing with lust.

So let’s look at the passage in question in Matthew 5.

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”

Let’s start off first with what lust is not. Lust is not noticing that a woman is beautiful, even if she’s not your wife. (Keep in mind, I am saying this for men, but women just reverse the claims and it fits for you too.) That’s just acknowledging reality. God made the human body to be beautiful and I think even women would agree that the female body in particular is uniquely beautiful.

Throughout Scripture, when a woman is praised, one of the main qualities praised about her is her beauty. No more beautiful women were found in the land than the daughters of Job. Esther was prized for her unique beauty and won the king’s favor. Abigail was said to be discerning and beautiful. The Song of Songs is quite explicit with the glorious features of the woman.

Lust is more in the how and why you are looking at the woman. A constantly stare can very easily become lust. If all you think about is just using the woman for your own pleasure, then you have a problem. I do not think you have a problem if you are, for example, engaged to a woman and you look at her and you dream of your upcoming wedding night when you can give all your love to her. A man will naturally wonder what he has to look forward to when he gets to take all the clothes off the woman he loves. Spoiler alert single men: You won’t be disappointed.

If you are engaging with pornography, you are definitely involved in lust. Pornography teaches you to use women and gives you false ideas of what women like and don’t like. Pornography is simply a lie. Also, it won’t spice up your marriage as some think. It might have some short-term benefits, but in the long-term, it will only hurt.

Every woman out there is someone’s daughter and needs to be treated with respect. She is not just a body. She is a person. Treat her like just a body and you miss out.

By the way women, if you want to change the way you’re often treated, then make sure you let every man know you’re worth waiting for. Women really control the sex market. Guys are the huge majority of the times the ones buying as it were.

You determine how much you’re worth before you give yourself entirely to a man. One date? A week? Three weeks? A month? Six months? A year? Engagement? Or are you worth a lifetime commitment paid upfront? There are many women who have given themselves to the man in their lives thinking that then he will love her only to find that a few days later he dumps her and moves on to his next conquest.

And guys, even after you marry it is good to always be pursuing your wife. Don’t just do it when you want something, which face it, is usually 24/7. Do it just for her. Stop and get random gifts just because.

Ultimately though, what makes lust similar to hate is the cost/benefit analysis. The danger with lust is that it means that all things being equal, if you got the chance and you thought the benefits outweighed the cost, you would have sex with someone you’re not married to. Many an affair starts with just a man and a woman on their lunch break and just talking together and then not too much later they’re meeting in a hotel room because “This person just truly understands me!” Very few spouses wake up one morning and say “I think I’ll screw up my marriage and have an affair!”

There is hardly any drive more powerful in people than the sex drive and it can totally overcome reason when left unchecked. Like all others though, it starts off small, with lust. Deal with the problem at the root before it becomes a deadly plant.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Ripples In The Pond

What impact do our actions have? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Many readers know my wife is interested in Eastern Orthodoxy. I’m not convinced by it, but I do know there is a lot of wisdom there and all truth is God’s truth. I also like Allie’s priest. He’s a great guy and we’re friends on Facebook and I frequently see many of his posts. He said in one recently that no one sins alone. When we sin, it is like a virus and it sets ripples in place throughout the whole universe.

Lately I have had some time to myself and I have spent some of it watching Monk on Amazon Prime Video. I loved this series when it was on the air and it’s still a favorite of mine today. Something you can often notice is that one murder will be committed and then there will be loose ends from that. Because of that, another murder has to be committed. One act of evil begets other acts of evil.

I know someone who is in a wheelchair today because of a drunk driver. That sin was not done in isolation. Because one person chose to drink irresponsibly and then chose to drive, someone else has to suffer. Any sins that this friend did in response to that are effects of the still prior sin.

Many of us have seen the Progressive commercials about becoming like your parents. In some ways, they’re humorous, but in others, there’s a sad reality. Many of us saw negative traits in our parents growing up and said, “I’ll never be like that when I’m older” and lo and behold, that is exactly what we became when we got older.

Some of you also know my wife has had suicide attempts before. Whenever the topic of depression comes up in groups, this one inevitably comes up. Even decades down the road, people are still feeling the sting of the suicide. It is the worst form of abandonment and rejection that can be given to someone else.

She’s a big fan of Linkin Park. Their main singer, Chester Bennington, committed suicide. It’s still hard on my wife when she thinks of the anniversary of his death. Robin Williams committed suicide and before too long, his daughter Zelda, who he no doubt loved, had to get off of Twitter because people were abusing her in response to it.

This should be something that gives us pause. Sin is never alone. There are no private sins. Even what you do in private will be public because it will effect who you are in public. If you keep watching pornography in private, it will affect how you see people in public.

Today in our country we see this going on. There was the evil of one man using police brutality on another man. Now we have the evil going on of several innocents destroying the property of others and even murdering other people who are innocent in all of this. The evil has had ramifications. Because that cop put his knee on the neck of another man, there are other people suffering today.

However, there is good news, and unlike the theme with Progressive, it is not that I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico. The good news is that good actions have the same effect. When we do something good and loving, then that will extend throughout the universe as well.

Give someone a little gift and you can put a spring in their step. One of the greatest gifts of hope I got one time was after being in a men’s group and we were talking about not coveting and I said it’s hard seeing as I want to give my wife so much. She really wants a Nintendo Switch for Christmas and I am poor and can’t do it. Lo and behold, someone in that group surprised us and bought us a Switch. What that meant to me is that there are good people out there who care for others. Maybe there is hope for us. We also have another friend who will just out of the blue buy us games for it. That means a lot.

Or consider the person who thinks that no one will ever love them as they are. Then they find love from someone. That is something radically changing. I can fully say my life is all for the better because my wife is in it.

Yet the number one example of this is the incarnation. Jesus came and showed us what love is and that love was shown all the way to the cross and the resurrection. Because of this, Christianity changed the world entirely with the end of slavery, the rise of science, the spread of literacy, and the greatest example of love we ever saw.

Today, we all have that choice. Which route to choose? Acts of evil that will beget more evil, or acts of love that will beget more love?

I know I desire the latter. I hope I will choose it as well.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Your Enemy

How much do you love God? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I want you to picture in your mind your enemy. Okay? This is the person you either hate the most or at the least, love the least. Who is this? Well, it could be someone historical, like Hitler. Based on your politics, it could be Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama or Donald Trump. It could be a former friend or an ex-lover. It could be a family member. It could be someone who hurt your spouse and/or kids.

It could even be yourself.

Now this is a personal theory of mine. I think it’s Scriptural, but like many other theories, I welcome feedback. 1 John tells us that if you do not love your neighbor, who you have seen, you cannot love God, who you have not seen.

My theory is you can only love God as much as you love that person that I told you to think about.

I’m not saying I’m crazy about this theory either. It’s really hard when I think about it. I don’t have a lot of personal enemies I can think of, but when I think of people who have hurt my wife Allie, I do have anger towards them. One of the ways I look at how I see people is I ask how they treat my wife. If they treat her well, all is good. If they don’t, it doesn’t matter what else they do.

Yet even those people that hurt her, I am told to love them.

This doesn’t mean I have warm fuzzies with them or particularly good feelings towards them. It also doesn’t mean that I give up the call for justice. However, I think it is a problem if we want punishment for the sake of punishment itself. For some who have hurt Allie, I pray for their brokenness that they will realize what they’ve done and repent.

If you have delight at the thought of someone going to Hell, you have it wrong. After all, if it were not for the grace of God in your life, you would be going the same way, and that’s a statement that doesn’t care if you’re a Calvinist or an Arminian or anywhere else. All is by grace.

It doesn’t mean also that you have to particularly like that person. It makes perfect sense if you don’t want to be around a past abuser and in many cases, it could even be wise, but it could mean that rather than hate them, you look at them with pity. What are they doing to destroy themselves by their actions? I don’t mean suicidal or self-harm actions, but actions where they are destroying what they are meant to be.

C.S. Lewis once said to not ask if you love your neighbor. Live like you did. We often think love is a feeling. This is particularly true in the area of romance. Many of you see the way I treat my wife on here and some have in person and you would probably think I’m constantly filled with lovely and warm feelings towards my wife.

No. Not really.

But the point is you do loving things anyway and it’s not a feeling of love that grows, but it’s rather a mindset of love. So it can be with your neighbor. If you find yourself genuinely praying for your neighbor, you will come eventually to love your neighbor, provided you come with the heart that God expects you to have.

Again, this is just a theory of mine, but I do think it’s scriptural. I welcome your feedback.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Deeper Waters Podcast 4/25/2020

What’s coming up? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove.

So was it said in the Princess Bride, that great classic of all time. That blissful union of man and woman together shapes us all. The couple has their dreams come true of finally being united and is off on their honeymoon. May it last forever! After all, marriage is made in Heaven.

Unfortunately, so is thunder and lightning.

The joke is the couple will stand up and say “I do” and then the next day be saying “What did I do?” Yes. Prince Charming has bad breath, bad gas, burps after he finishes a meal, and leaves his dirty underwear on the floor. That Princess who couldn’t keep her hands off of him when they were dating doesn’t want to have sex now that they can, nags him about doing the dishes, gives him a honey-do list constantly, and insists that he not be snitty with mother.

I guess the honeymoon is over.

How do people make it? How do you not only survive in this institution but really come to enjoy it? For that, I am bringing on a guest I have wanted to have on for some time. She was scheduled to be on in February when we normally talk on marriage, but she had a sickness and couldn’t make it so now she is coming on. She is the blogger at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum and her name is Sheila Wray Gregoire.

So who is she?

According to her bio:

Popular blogger and speaker and award-winning author Sheila Wray Gregoire loves encouraging women to grow in their relationships, both with God and with their husbands, kids, and friends. The author of eight books, including 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, Sheila mixes humor and real-life stories to help women deal with the messy problems many of us face. She is the 2012 winner of the top literary prize for Canadian Christian books for The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, and her blog, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, is one of the top 25 Mom blogs on the web.

Growing up the only child of a single mother, she learned two things quickly: God is close to those who are lonely, and marriage is a sacred thing. The void that she felt in her early life has been transformed into a passion to help women find their worth first in Christ, and then to make their relationships mirror His. With her trademark humour and light touch, Sheila is able to drive home scriptural truths in a challenging yet inviting way.

Shortly after moving to Belleville, Ontario, when her girls were young, Sheila began writing for magazines. In 2003, her first book, To Love, Honor and Vacuum was published, followed rapidly by several more. She began to speak all over North America, keynoting at national denominational events, such as the Coffee Break conference and the Baptist Women’s convention, and leading workshops at large conferences like the MOPS convention and at BreakForth. She also speaks at women’s outreaches and retreats, sharing her story of finding God even in the darkest times. These don’t just include rejection as a child, but also walking through the horrible valley of losing her son Christopher. Through it all, Sheila learned that God is enough, a message she desperately wants other women to cling to and understand.

Sheila’s background includes two Master’s degrees from Queen’s University, with one in Sociology and the other in Public Administration. Her real education, though, has come as she has learned to be a wife to Keith, a busy pediatrician, and mother to Rebecca and Katie. Sheila and Keith homeschooled their two daughters, who are now university students in Ottawa. And Sheila is getting used to being a mother-in-law to her new “son”. Sheila is one of the few people in her immediate family who is not actually a physician, so she spends her life in doctor circles, on medical missions trips, and medical conferences. But she still faints at the sight of blood.

And she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.

I hope you’ll be looking forward to this. I think this will likely be a very entertaining episode and hopefully informative. Hopefully, we’ll walk away with better marriages or be better prepared for our future marriages.

In Christ,
Nick Peters