Advice For Up and Coming Apologists

What would I encourage someone getting started to do? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I got interviewed this past week by someone for a project in their education to interview an apologist. One question I was asked was what advice would I give to anyone starting in this field. Since I don’t recall ever writing on this, why not do so here as well?

An obvious one is to read everything you can. Nowadays, there is no excuse for not learning what you need to learn. Books have never been more readily available and there are plenty of free resources such as YouTube and even if you’re someone on the road and driving a lot, you can get audiobooks.

Also in that reading, you should be reading material that disagrees with you too. You need to learn directly what the other side is saying and what their main reasons for it are. If the only material you’re reading is that which agrees with you, you are staying in a bubble.

Get yourself a good mentor as well. Find someone wiser than you who can teach you. Again, in the age of the internet, this is far easier. I would generally prefer you have someone in person if at all, but if the only one you can find is someone online, go with that.

Be engaging in debates regularly. Again, thanks to places like Facebook, you can easily find someone you can argue with and who is willing to challenge you. Odds are as well, you will get your butt kicked a good time or two. That’s okay. It is something that will drive you back to your studies more and more.

While I do encourage you to read plenty, it would be a mistake to think you have to know everything. There are numerous fields out there such as history, philosophy, science, cults, other religions, ethics, politics, etc. This naturally includes the Bible, but all Christians should be by default studying the Bible. Your specialty area could be something in the Bible.

Yet even these areas have sub-areas within them. Suppose you want to study other religions. Do you think you’re going to be an authority on Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, Confucianism, Shintoism, and many other religions out there? Quite likely you won’t. You might just want to specialize in Islam or a little bit broader in Eastern Religions or just study the New Age movement.

The same applies to any other field. If you don’t know everything, and you don’t, that’s okay as well. In this, it’s good to know plenty of people who are proficient in areas you aren’t. I can enjoy talking about the history of science and the philosophy of science, but when it comes to science as science, I pass that on to specialists I know. When someone sends me questions on Hinduism or Indian culture, I have a friend who does that. I have friends who study Judaism and the New Age movement.

This is why a community is so important and it’s something we’ve often lost sight of. Surround yourself with great minds and people you can learn from. These are the ones to emulate who have walked the road you want to walk.

Choose a field you’re not just capable in, but one that you also enjoy. Choose areas of study that grip you and leave you wanting to learn more. You’ll likely spend your life studying this.

One other question asked was how has God used my ministry. I could have told some stories, but ultimately, I said that’s not for me to know now. It’s really my job to just be faithful with what I have and leave the rest to God. Do the same. There are plenty of stories of missionaries who spent several years overseas without a single convert and now, their names are well-known for the great change they brought to the culture they went to.

If you want to come into this field, welcome aboard, but it will be work. I hope you’re ready.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)


Don’t Touch

Is a touch always welcome? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

“And how would you like to respond when someone pats you on the back and you don’t want that?” my therapist asks me.

“Ideally, with a judo throw across the room.”

It would certainly get the point across!

Touch is a very important matter. If you can have a hard time with someone you don’t know saying words to you, touch can go a step further. Naturally, we all know there are ways that you shouldn’t touch certain people that are definitely inappropriate. That tells us that touch is nothing simple. It’s important and can convey a message.

When people ask my love languages, I tell them I have found them to be words of affirmation and physical touch. I tell a story on the latter about how when I was engaged to my ex-wife, we went to an event at SES that was to get donors. I told her we should go because if I’m in ministry, I could need to know these donors as well.

So we’re at a table before anything has been brought out laughing and sharing with the people and then the servers come by. They come to my table and say to me “And what will you have sir?”

At that point, it was just me and him in the world. I was a deer caught in the headlights. I was in absolute terror. I don’t want anything. This is a social situation. This is giving me anxiety. What do I do? What do I say?

Then I feel a warm hand under the table on my leg.

“He’s not having anything, but he’s fine. He’s just finicky.”

That touch meant so much. Throughout my marriage, I came to love that touch. It is still something I miss.

Even still, there are some exceptions. Sometimes when I go back to see my folks, my mother wants to clean my glasses and will attempt to take them off of my face on her own. I always resist this. This is something I wouldn’t even let my ex-wife do.

As I think about it, it can be that while I love words of affirmation so much, words of condemning are extremely hurtful. In the same way, if touch I want is cherished, touch I don’t want is rejected. It is crossing a boundary.

I know people mean well by it, but I wince whenever I’m walking through a crowd and someone wants to be friendly and pats me on the back. Not only do I not like that, but keep in mind I have a steel rod on my spine. That’s sensitive.

Sometimes, I have told people to just not touch me. I am now thinking to tell them to wait. I need to get to a place of trust with someone before I trust them. At the same time, there are times I think I do need some friendly touch. I just want to make sure it is from people I can fully consider friends.

Be careful with people in the spectrum in your life. Just because you think a touch can be loving doesn’t mean they will receive it as loving. It can never hurt to ask something like “Can I give you a hug?”

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

I Hate Small Talk

What is the bane of existing? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Seriously. I hate small talk. I want nothing to do with it.

I have some friends who are a husband and wife and both of them are on the spectrum. When we call one another, it’s because one of us has a problem and wants the other’s help. Thus, we call and we immediately jump straight to whatever the situation is. There’s no “How are you?” or anything like that. Now if the other is struggling with something, we might message later on Facebook asking how they’re holding up knowing what the situation is, but it’s never said in the area of small talk.

You know what so many of us hate about it? It’s fake. People say things and they don’t mean it. “How are you?” I have had people say that to me and keep just walking on by. It tells me they don’t really care. Besides, on a bad day for me, I doubt anyone would want to hear me talk about what I am dealing with that day.

I have a therapist here and in discussing the matter with him, something we came to the conclusion of is with me, I replace small talk with humor. When people come to the Post Office, I try to make them laugh. You all probably don’t know what a joy it is when people come and I’m talking with them and I can tell they’re genuinely laughing at my antics.

When a customer comes in who doesn’t know me and tries to engage in small talk, I tend more to freeze than anything else. I have no idea what to say. Sometimes I even have a hard time verbalizing a hi. Again, this can get people to think you’re rude, which is a sad aspect of the way it works.

Getting back to the fakeness of small talk, that’s what makes it so difficult. In my world, I keep looking around to find people who are real. There is a sort of loyalty level I have with people and I give them trust based on how I see them on that level. There are some areas I don’t trust some people with and some areas I do trust other people with.

That depends in part on how real people can be. If you ask me how I’m doing and you don’t really care, it is really saddening. That’s also because like anyone else, we do want people who really do care about us. One of the best ways to do that is not to try small talk, but real talk. Find out what really interests us. Ask us questions that aren’t generalities but can definitively be answered.

For me, I want to talk about subject matter and if I go to someone and I’m just trying to talk about that and not using humor even, that could indicate a different sort of relationship. Like all people, I have aspects of my personality that not even I understand in how I relate to people. Yet of all those ways, small talk is not one of them.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)


Can we all speak? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

One of the aspects you find of people on the spectrum is some are said to be non-verbal. I say said to be because there have been cases of people who are on the spectrum and yet when they are alone around horses, they are observed to speak. We could also say some people do speak through the medium of the internet which means they express themselves through typing, but not through orality.

I am obviously one of those who is verbal. I am a public speaker and many of you have seen me speak and even debate. At the same time, I can be exceptionally shy and introverted. I like what Hugh Ross said once and even if you consider yourself a YEC, I urge you to really listen to this. He is also on the spectrum and has said he would rather speak to 100 people instead of to one.

One of my requirements is going door-to-door doing evangelism once a week when regular classes are in session. We don’t have anyone go individually and I never initiate. I generally wait and see if I can get an opening and jump something in. If it’s an intellectual conversation, I can usually do it very well and then I’m quite animated, but when it comes to personal communication, I struggle with strangers.

Never mind also that I consider much of our evangelism is done wrongly. We have too much of an emphasis on going to Heaven when you die as if that’s the point. I much more prefer to speak of Jesus being the king and we need to get in line with Him. Other than that, I’m watching a conversation go on and wondering what I can say and it seems like people already know what’s going on and how to speak.

I recall one time my then roommate and I went to a Kingdom Hall where Jehovah’s Witnesses meet as we had had some visiting us who asked us to attend. In the end, we got lovebombed as I describe it where people swarmed around us wanting to meet us. This was a horrid situation for me. So one of them comes to me and takes my hand and introduces themselves. I’m standing there in total disarray with everything going on and I hear my roommate say “Say your name.”

Now understand, I know I needed to do this. I knew what social etiquette required of me, but as is said, knowing is half the battle. It’s an important half, but half still. However, I can say his saying that gave me the necessary jumpstart I needed.

Many times if I’m in public, I just don’t speak a lot if it’s someone I don’t know. I work at the campus Post Office and if someone walks by with mail they want to mail and plan to put it in the slot, I will reach out my hand. I find it difficult to say “I’ll take that.” When I go to the grocery store and I need to get a barrier to separate my order from the next, I can’t say it. I wind up pointing wildly trying to get their attention.”

I never seem to.

If I don’t speak to you, it’s because I don’t have that form of trust with you yet. Many times, I still would prefer to speak non-verbally if I can. I do enjoy speaking at times as one thing people learn about me often is I love to say things to make people laugh.

Also, sometimes if people ask me vague questions (“How are you? The question I hate the most.) I don’t know how to answer. I have heard people speak about me supposedly under my breath as if I was rude. It is not my intention to be rude. I find many people who stress on people being polite so much are often some of the rudest ones that I meet. I don’t answer because I don’t know what to say. It’s not a goal to be rude.

Please remember if you meet someone who is quiet that it could be they are on the spectrum. There is no desire to be rude. Being Miss Manners around them won’t help. It only makes it harder.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Why Autism Awareness Month Matters To Me

Why do I care about this month? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I hate it when June comes around. It’s a time when we try to celebrate what I consider perversion, as if it’s not forced down my throat the rest of the year. I notice when black history month rolls around or women’s history month or any other month by a group that is deemed politically relevant, everyone tries to speak at that time. Everyone wants to virtue signal.

April, I get crickets.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to be a political pawn. I don’t want people to acknowledge this month just because they’re trying to show how virtuous they are without the substance. I despise fake.

I’m also not at all wanting to call this a pride month. Being on the spectrum is not an accomplishment in itself. Now what I do in overcoming the hurdles, that can be an accomplishment, but the fact I have a condition doesn’t make me automatically special.

What I do consider it is a chance to invite others into my own world and let them know what it’s like. I recall a time a friend contacted me when he found out his son was on the spectrum. Everyone else he talked to treated it like a cancer diagnosis. I told him to be thankful immediately. He was going to see the world through a whole new set of ideas he had never seen before.

What a shock that that was the best word that he heard and it has proven to be true.

This month can be special because people do realize that some of us are different. Some of us do have extra hurdles to overcome. We don’t want to be babied as we overcome them, but we welcome those who come alongside us and help us on the journey.

I’m a gamer. You know that. I think of having a party in a quest. In Final Fantasy XIV, as an example, when you go into a dungeon, you have your tank. This is the guy who takes all the hard hits and draws the attention of the enemies. Then you have the healers. These are the ones who keep the tank and everyone else alive. Finally, you have the damage dealers. These are the ones who defeat the enemies for the most part.

A party without one of these units will not survive. A party all one type of unit will not survive. You need a full party. You need everyone to do their part. I have my part I can do, but I’m thrilled to have other people join me who have strengths where I am weak.

That’s why I prefer the term awareness. It’s just saying to notice that some people are different, and that’s okay. I realize not everyone is high-functioning. That’s also okay. I do have a gift in that way in that I can speak for others. I’m glad to do it.

Also, keep in mind that sadly a lot of people on the spectrum are atheists and agnostics because so much Christian language is hard to relate to and abstract concepts can be hard to think about. Please keep this in mind. Pray for the Autism community. We need Jesus just as much as the neurotypicals do.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Things To Understand

What are some things I wish people knew about life on the spectrum? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Life on the spectrum is exciting for me, but sometimes, I know I seem odd in public. These are things I wish people knew more about me. Note that this is just me on the spectrum. Many things could apply to others on the spectrum or they might not apply to some at all. When you meet one person, you’ve met one person.

First off, if anything here is truly something that needs to change, consider autism an explanation. It is not always a justification.

Eye contact is hard. If I’m not looking in your eyes, it doesn’t mean I don’t care. If I am in such a situation, I mentally have to tell myself to look in someone’s eyes and even then, it’s a strain.

If I seem to be doing something else, it doesn’t mean I am not paying attention to you. My former in-laws found this out once when I visited them and I was playing my 3DS and they thought I wasn’t paying attention, until they found out I could repeat everything they said back to them. If anything, many times, this can be help me focus better.

This also helps if I attend a talk somewhere. If I am in the audience and on my phone, I am actually hearing what you say. This helps me to better pay attention. If I’m not, I can easily have my mind wander away and miss everything.

I am not an emotional person, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have them. I can have happiness and joy, but I can also have sorrow and loss. I can also have anxiety at times and I don’t know why.

Some social situations are very stressful to me. I can go to a function where several people get together and we’re supposed to socialize, especially over food. It’s really hard for me. Please understand that. Also, please don’t ask me if I want to get anything. If I wanted to, I would have.

Please don’t ask me a question like “How are you?” I am sure you mean well, but it’s a vague question and I don’t know how much you want to know. I would prefer a simple “Hello,” instead.

I am sure you mean well, but if I don’t know you and trust you well enough, please don’t touch me. I especially hate it when people touch my back due to my steel rod. I can like touch at times, but someone has to be at the place where I can trust them and that is a place that is earned. However, if you ask, I could be more open.

I am an introvert, but even I sometimes like to be around other people. Loneliness is very real, especially when you’ve been divorced. I could want to do something with you more than you realize.

I would rather speak to a crowd of 100 people than to speak to one stranger face-to-face. The internet has been a gift as it has helped me find a voice to talk to people I normally wouldn’t get to. Even when I do evangelism for class, I normally need someone else to initiate conversation.

Speaking of such, your experience of Christianity and mine are very different. Most modern praise choruses I find simply shallow. Give me the old classic hymns, especially “Holy, Holy, Holy.” Don’t tell me about an experience of Christianity as I don’t find many concepts, such as the leading of the Holy Spirit, taught in Scripture.

Understand I will often take your language literally. Be careful with what you say. Sometimes, I do this to be humorous, but many times, I honestly don’t understand how you’re speaking.

I speak sarcasm fluently, but I’m often horrible at recognizing it.

Sometimes I need assurances things are okay between us. I don’t often know where you stand based on your body language. I often can wonder if I have offended you and be concerned about it.

In a conversation, I could be often trying to figure out everything you’re saying in every way and if it’s not a concept I’m familiar with, I can lag. I’m trying to interpret many signals at once I don’t understand. If I seem to bounce back to an earlier point, that’s why.

I find jokes funny constantly and they never stop. If I have a running joke with you, you are in a very good position. If I normally joke with you and I suddenly stop without any apparent reason, there is a reason. I joke more with people I feel safe around.

I have my personal obsessions. I can go on endlessly with you talking about Smallville and I know my video games exceptionally well, but I’m also as readers of this blog obviously know a fanatic when it comes to theology, philosophy, history, economics, etc. There are many areas I like to learn about always.

Friends mean so much to me. To have people I can rely on around me is an immense relief. When people show me they’re thinking about me, it’s incredible. It tells me I am not out of sight and out of mind.

I will often speak wordlessly. Sometimes the words are there, but it’s like there’s a mental block in my head that I can’t get past. This can often be seen as rude when I am silent, but it is not my intention. It really stings when I hear people speaking when they think I can’t hear about me being rude.

I get nervous in food situations. That’s my side of the spectrum. If I’m around people I don’t know well enough and there’s a meal going on, it gets me nervous. I tend to avoid church gatherings centered around a meal. If I visit and don’t eat anything, it’s not my trying to be rude. It’s just uncomfortable for me and I’m extremely finicky anyway.

Speaking of friends from earlier, I’m extremely loyal to mine. I want to do everything I can to help you out. One reason I want to get a lady in my life is I love getting to adore someone.

Many people on the spectrum have various habits that they do. I tend to hum video game music. It’s something that gives me a sense of adventure in my life.

I like things to be orderly. I run on a tight schedule. Generally, I will take a shower at 7 every night. I will turn off my games two hours before bed, be on my computer doing work for the next hour, and then spend the next hour before turning out the light playing some light games on my Kindle as well as a little light reading.

I honestly don’t notice many things like hygiene. If I miss a spot shaving, that’s why. Even when I’m doing that kind of thing, I have to keep my mind occupied and I’m usually reading a book at the same time.

Vague terms don’t make sense to me. I’ve recently found this out as now it makes sense why when I was sick as a child and my mother would ask “How do you feel today?” I never knew what to say exactly. Give me something specific I can work with.

If you want to get into my world easier, speak about my interests. It’s a great way to open me up.

If you come forward wanting to immediately be my friend and are really extroverted, I will be wary of you immediately.

I am capable of a lot more than you realize. When you try to tell me I am not capable of something when I am convinced that I am, you just increase my drive all the more. Telling me I am not just means you don’t believe in me to me. It means so much when people believe in me and invest in me.

If you must correct me on something, be gentle and please let me know we’re okay at the end. That assurance means a lot. At the same time, I’m not a child. It’s a fine line, but we can find it together.

That’s a lot, but one more thing to understand…..

I am also in the image of God just as you are. I happen to love my Christian walk and I see Jesus as my king and try to serve Him to the best of my ability. I consider my autism a gift as it allows Christ to shine through in my weaknesses all the more when the world said I wouldn’t succeed at all.

There are plenty of other people on the spectrum. Like I said, some of what I said will apply to them. Some won’t. Get to know the person you’re dealing with. We’re all individuals.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

The Path of Overcoming

What have I gone through so far? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I have been writing about the case of Zoraya Ter Beek, the lady who wants to have herself killed. She has depression, Borderline, and Autism. I can’t speak to living as Borderline, but I can speak to living with the other two. Mainly, I want to write about Autism. I wrote that life is hard for everyone and I have had to overcome challenges so I figured with this month being Autism Awareness Month, why not do that?

As you read this, realize I am only talking about myself. A parent might say “Well, my child is not high-functioning like you are.” Okay. I’m not wanting to undermine anyone else or say “Because I did it, everyone on the spectrum can.” Not a bit.

So anyway, my parents could tell I was different early on. Mainly because I spoke in a way that only close relatives could understand me. Also, my diet was extremely finicky and still is to this day. Not only that, I was unusually intelligent.

The story goes that the first book I was reading was a big white Bible we had. I would look over it every day and they do know I asked about this one word in it. Chapter.

One day, my Dad took me to the mall with him and went to a store, I think Service Merchandise, and sat me down in front of a computer while he went to play a game, thinking I would just hit random letters and numbers. When he returned, there was a small crowd in front of the computer and I was still sitting there. My Dad looked and on the screen were all the books of the Bible in order, spelled correctly, and with how many chapters they had. He was asked if I had done this. He didn’t know and so cleared the screen and asked me to do it again, which I did.

I have no memory of this, but such is childhood.

I was put in Transition, not because I wasn’t smart enough, but for the social skills that I was lacking, which meant I didn’t go straight from Kindergarten to first grade. As I progressed though, I was studying math at a higher grade level and I was the youngest one ever in the Math Olympiad.

My parents meanwhile were still taking me to see specialists and they had their own predictions about me. I would never finish middle school or high school or go to college or drive a car or hold a job or live on my own. Some wanted to see me institutionalized and with my finicky diet, some thought I needed feeding tubes for life.

My mother said no and some of those doctors were never allowed to see me again.

I do remember before middle school, my parents wanted me to go to the school first, especially since it had a hurdle they wanted to make sure I could handle.


There was some anxiety for me, but I remember telling my mother that no, I couldn’t stop. I had to do this. As a lifelong gamer, I wonder if that had anything to do with it. I had a drive in me to overcome challenges. My parents know if someone tells me I can’t do something, that just makes me often want to do it all the more.

Honestly, for the most part, school was easy for me and sometimes boring. I wasn’t challenged. I had my friends also fortunately and there were always people looking out for me. I know when I got to high school I somehow got Most Studious in my senior class, which surprised me since I never studied.

Also in high school, I had to have scoliosis surgery. It was just before I turned 16 and I had a steel rod put on my spine. While most kids were learning how to drive, I was learning how to walk again, literally. Still, I was a fighter. I was supposed to wait until six weeks of school to go back, but I went back after two. I couldn’t stay just being at home all day. However, the whole year, someone else had to carry my bags for me and I had to leave class early so I could have time to go to the restroom and make it to my next class. Why? Because a hard bump from someone in the hallways could send me right back to the hospital.

It was also at that time I went through some personal struggles that led me to having panic attacks and anxiety in a major way for the first time.

Now looking back, remember those people who said I would never finish high school? They were wrong. They said I would never drive a car? Wrong. They said I would never have a job? Wrong.

I wasn’t ready to move away from my parents, but I was ready for college and went to Bible College because the main thing I knew was the Bible. I still get a kick out of Voc Rehab who worked with me trying to tell me to not go into ministry. After all, they didn’t think I could handle public speaking.

As it turns out, I love public speaking, Speaking one-on-one I find terrifying, but in Bible College, I did give a senior sermon to my entire student body including professors. Not a problem.

When I came, I was a bit quiet and passive, but then I discovered apologetics there and it changed. One of my professors noted how I quickly became someone who was sociable and could speak to others and especially with my professors. I had a good friend there who also told me after hearing me speak in class one day about Southern Evangelical Seminary where I could study apologetics more. My path was set.

After I graduated, I decided I wanted to go there, but I knew I would be on my own, so I needed to demonstrate first to my parents I could handle it. I would live in an apartment on my own for a year. While there, I would apply to SES and then move to Charlotte, NC, from my home in Knoxville, TN. I came up with a way I think was highly persuasive to have them let me move out on my own.

I came home one day and they were sitting on the back porch and I went and sat with them and told them “I just put money down on an apartment.”

Like I said, highly effective.

After a year there, I along with my friend David Sorrell from who lived in Missouri, moved to Charlotte together. We were immediately noticed by people and hobnobbing with the president and Dr. Geisler and others. We also heard something about these two guys who showed up at our new church recently gung-ho about spiritual things.

However, we had one major problem in our living situation we hadn’t prepared for.

What if one of us got married?

And shockingly, that was me.

Mark down something else the experts I’m sure thought would never happen.

I have written plenty about my marriage throughout multiple posts in the past, but I didn’t finish school when I defended my then father-in-law and eventually, we moved to Atlanta, Georgia, and we had a new companion, Shiro the cat. I had a firm goal to be an excellent husband, but unfortunately, issues came up and as you know, I am sadly divorced.

That kind of rejection still stings every day.

But I refused to give up. I came back to Knoxville and then set to making plans to move on my own and decided upon a recommendation from my pastor to go with New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. My seminary is over 600 miles away from my parents in Knoxville. It was hard enough on my parents when I moved to a neighboring state. Now I live over 600 miles away. It’s all me.

That doesn’t mean I’m alone at all. Not a bit. I have friends. I have a community here. I would say I am the face of the Post Office on campus. I am known as a cut-up and yes, people do ask me if I affirm the virgin birth, which I do affirm. I am in therapy working to learn social skills more, especially since one of the strongest desires of my heart is to remarry.

You know what? It’s hard sometimes still, but life is good overall. Before I left Knoxville, I bought a small Echo for my parents so we can talk every day and I can see them and they can see me and they can see Shiro who is with me now. I am working on learning YouTube to make videos for my channel, writing a book for a publisher on video games and Christianity, and I should finish my Master’s at the end of the year.

I am a research pastor at my church, though I am pushing to have that be Pastor of Apologetics. I am a regular speaker at Defend speaking on Autism and Christianity and Video Games and Christianity, which the latter will likely be my PhD focus. I have about a dozen books or so I am going through and definitely on the Kindle I read some of each every day. The only times I have missed in a long time were in the past month when I was sick and just didn’t want to do everything.

One reason I share my Patreon often is it is still a struggle financially, especially with this month being tax season. If you have been blessed by my blog over the years, please consider it. You can find a link below and there is one right here.

There are still Autism struggles that I have. I can speak sarcasm fluently, but I don’t know when other people are doing it to me. I don’t understand social cues often and I do deal with loneliness often. I do basics of housekeeping, but I pay someone else to come by about every other month to do a deep cleaning. (And with the steel rod, it’s hard to do some of it anyway.)

If anything makes it worthwhile and easier for me, it’s my Christian commitment. That has been strong all my life and has been the foundation I keep coming back to. It is the very reason I am here at seminary. I am thankful to have a community here with people who genuinely care about me.

I plan to write some more on Autism Awareness, but this is to say that you can overcome to. So can your loved one. I always like to remember how years ago the “experts” said I wouldn’t be doing everything I am doing right now.

It is certainly one way I have enjoyed proving people wrong.

I don’t know where the game will take me next, but I am in it for the long haul.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)


Hard But Worth It

Is life easy? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Yesterday, I wrote about the Dutch woman wanting to have herself euthanized next month. The story can present a variety of responses. There is sadness in thinking this woman wants to throw away her life like this. There is anger at the people wanting to do this. There could be anger towards her even thinking that she does not appreciate what she has.

Since she is on the spectrum, I figure I can share my own thoughts on the matter as to what life is like on the spectrum. Is it hard? Yep. Sure is. Yet as a lifelong gamer, something I notice is that most things that bring the most joy are the hardest. There is a great satisfaction in trying to defeat an enemy over and over again and failing and then one time completing the task. The challenge makes the overcoming all the sweeter.

Also, April is Autism Awareness Month so why not give some insight?

So let’s start with the negatives. There are people all around me and many times, it can seem like people are speaking in a language I don’t understand. It’s the language of tone and body. I am someone who can speak sarcasm fluently, but I can’t understand it well in others. I relate greatly to Sheldon Cooper.

Wanting to express myself can be difficult. Usually, if someone comes to the post office I work at and want to put some letters in the slip to mail out, I find it hard to say if I’m sitting there “I’ll take those.” Instead, I usually just hold my hands out. If I can speak without having to use words, all the better. Unfortunately, that’s a struggle when people don’t notice.

For an example where it’s harder, imagine going to the grocery store. You’re in the checkout line and behind someone and there’s a barrier there to separate your orders. You can’t reach it and so you want to tell the person in front of you to hand it to you.

I instead wind up gesturing wildly hoping they will notice me and hand it to me. The words are there, but I can’t seem to verbalize them. Sadly, this method has never worked.

I also tend to live a life in quite regimented order. On days that I work as an example, I go and get a hot tea from the cafe at 3:30 and I don’t start drinking it until 4. I was watching the time on my phone one day and my boss said “You could just go and get it early.”

I looked at her like she practically had two heads.

I have two pairs of shoes that I wear and I follow the same order with them. On the days I wear my white shoes, well those are days that when I take a shower in the evening, I will be washing my hair. I will also be having something besides a pizza for dinner that evening. The system works well in that regard.

Speaking of food situations, those I don’t care for. If I’m at an event with a lot of people and I don’t know them well and I think the food looks messy to me, I get extremely nervous. I can’t explain why, but I know when Crawfest comes along, most students here love it. I’m probably the only student who wants to run screaming.

When I joined my church, I did it with three other single men and I tell my pastor that to this day, I remember how he said what these men would appreciate most is to have someone invite them over to their house for a nice meal.

I was standing there thinking, “Darn. I was hoping you would say introduce us to some nice single ladies. Please don’t have me over to your house for a meal.”

Speaking of single women, that’s also a struggle. I get it. Most men are oblivious to when a woman is flirting to them and we can’t read signals all that well. I suspect I’m worse. It’s also a struggle to express myself to a woman and let her know I am interested in her. It’s one reason I’m in therapy here.

That is also because I am working through the divorce which is still painful. It really stings when you put your trust in someone and give them all of you in every way and they reject you in the end. That gets to what is probably the biggest struggle I have.

I fear that in the day and age of the internet, we’re more globally connected, but we’re less locally connected, and thus it’s loneliness. I come home and it’s just me and Shiro at the end of the day. This is not to say I don’t have friends around here. I remember when my first birthday came around, I wondered if anyone would know on campus. I opened my apartment door and there were gold streamers outside with a gift card, some cookies, and other decorations. I don’t remember everything that was there, but my RA and her husband had decided to do something. That was a huge blessing to me. The gifts were nice, but nicer still were people showing they took an interest in me.

Loneliness is the real struggle though. I notice that it seems like when we all get done at the end of the day, everyone goes out to their own place and that’s it. I have some friends I meet for tabletop gaming and that’s every couple of weeks. I go out with some of the professors at the end of many months for a trivia night. I also see students at the Post Office and I think they know me as a cut-up and someone who tries to make everyone laugh.

It would be a mistake to say people on the spectrum don’t have emotions. We do. We don’t always express them well or have them the same way. Church services that seem to be geared towards getting people towards an emotional high don’t work on me. I have to be doing something else while I’m in a service or else I will zone out. Something interesting for me at least on the spectrum is that this can often help me focus.

It also means we can hurt just like anyone else. I take rejection since my divorce extremely seriously. My apartment is a mess, but in my own way, I need order in my life and I think things should be a certain way and it’s hard to focus when they are not.

That all sounds hard.

It is.

But I’ve only told you the hard side.

I like though that I have a very strong memory that can pull up random bits of information when needed. I can remember facts I know of for trivia night. I can play games and know where I need to go much easier. I can tell you what’s going on in many passages of the Bible. I rarely have to study for a class.

I have a Greek tutor who says that I can sight=read Greek which he says is quite rare. In my symbolic logic class which is a rare class I am having to work at, my professor says I seem to be going through the fog area quickly and I’m even asking questions about the material that shows I’m really thinking about it. It’s great to be in an apologetics debate and have the knowledge mentally that I need to have.

I enjoy making people laugh. I figure if being on the spectrum, I take things literalistically for the most part, why not have some fun with that? I have a professor who came to me in the Post Office once and said “Can you check my mailbox?”


I just sit there for awhile doing what I was doing and he notices what happened and then says “Will you check it?” That’s when I get up. Even then, I can still have some fun going and coming back and saying “It’s still there.”

“Is there any mail in it?’


“Will you get it?”

Usually, I already have it with me, but it is a game that I play.

Sometimes students see me on campus and ask “What’s up?”

“The sky. Birds in flight. The opposite of down. A two-letter word that starts with a U and ends with a P. A preposition. Elevators rising. A quark. A Pixar movie.”

Naturally also, students and professors regularly assure me that they affirm the virgin birth, which I do affirm, and I likewise assure them that I affirm the virgin birth, which I do affirm. If I start a joke with you, you’d better get used to it. It’s not dying. If I stop joking with you, that’s the time to be concerned. That means something has shifted in our relationship.

I love being able to do math in my head. I do a birthday game as well where I tell someone what day of the week they were born on by knowing their birthday. Numbers are just fun things to play with.

I have a group I get together with every Thursday night via Zoom that I enjoy. It’s a Thomas Aquinas group and I’m one of the token Protestants. They know they can turn to me for Bible questions and I joke I’m here to make sure they understand Aquinas right.

Right now, I’m hoping to either find someone who can show me how to make YouTube videos or just make them for me if I can supply the ideas and my speaking that I want to have done. It is for my Gaming Theologian channel. I am also trying to raise money to help me with my ongoing expenses as I work on my Master’s and then PhD. You can help out with that here.

Naturally, I’m trying to find a good Christian girl. I have said before that in many ways, I am like Monk and I am looking for my Trudy. I would love to have someone I could just cherish and adore.

Is life hard sometimes still? Absolutely. There can still be times of great sadness. I am on medication for anxiety and depression still. However, at the end of the day, it’s worth it. I love going out and walking on campus and seeing people I know. I enjoy going through my books and then having a relaxing evening playing games and watching YouTube videos and whatever TV show I am going through. (Currently, Young Sheldon.) I have friends and I have family. Tomorrow, I plan on writing about the battle to get here.

If I struggle, which I still do, well that just makes the quest all the more exciting in the end, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. It’s another step I am taking on the path to making a difference in the world. I also pray it’s a testimony to other people on the spectrum to not give up, like this poor girl.

I pray every night she will find Jesus. I hope you will too. It is ultimately my trust in Christ that keeps me going. It tells me there is a cause greater than myself not just worth dying for, but worth living for.

It’s hard.

Hard, but worth it.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

The Culture Of Death

Is hope found in death? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Her name is Zoraya Ter Beek. She’s a beautiful woman at a young age of 28. She has a boyfriend who is forty years old. She has a pair of cats.

She’s also due to die in May of this year.

She has Autism, Borderline Personality Disorder, and depression. Her psychiatrist has told her that it will never get better. She doesn’t want to bear with it anymore, so she’s going to be “Euthanized” in May.

I am on the spectrum as readers know. Since my divorce, I also take medication for anxiety and depression. So how do I approach this story?

First off, let’s say that I and many others understand being in a place where you are under the impression you’d be better off dead. I don’t care if you think it or feel it or both. I’ve been there, There were times of temptation after my divorce. It’s a pain that still hurts to this day, but I have also known if I did that, it would hurt everyone around me, and she would win.

I have been there because life is hard. We have never been promised a rose garden. There are times of suffering that we must all go through. Some times are worse than others. Some people have lives that are overall harder than others do. At least, that’s how it can look to us.

That being said, we live in a culture now that devalues life thinking that death is the answer. Rather than do the hard work of treating and/or curing a patient, it can be easier to just send them to their demise.

Easier does not mean right.

Suicide is automatically a way of saying that absolutely nothing in this world is worth it. Not her boyfriend. Not her family. Not her cats. Not beautiful sunsets or cool breezes in the afternoon or a favorite food. Nothing. It is an insult to all creation.

Also, I would love to know how this psychiatrist knows the future since I know several people who have thought their lives would never get better and lo and behold, they did. I also wonder about a boyfriend who is just fine apparently with letting a girlfriend kill herself. Warning women. Don’t date a guy who can tell you he let his last girlfriend kill herself knowingly.

Everyone involved in this story is guilty of a form of murder to some extent. You can say it is legal so it’s okay, but legal doesn’t mean right. This girl’s life is worth it. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m just saying it is worth it. It is worth it because she is in the image of God and Jesus loves her and died for her.

Can someone introduce this girl to Jesus before it’s too late?

We live in a culture that seems to worship death and if a life becomes inconvenient to us, we snuff it out and call it compassion. “That child will grow up with a disability! That child will grow up in poverty! Better to have an abortion!” “That person is going through such sorrow! They’re better off dead!” Is it really thought that the person who is being murdered is helped or is it more that we are trying to lighten our burden by removing those that remind us of suffering and having to fight and struggle to succeed in life?

It doesn’t help that we have a one-size-fits-all approach to eschatology. Either everyone just becomes worm food, or everyone goes to Heaven because a God of grace would never do otherwise! Unfortunately, what if He does? What if the moment this girl dies, she dies without Jesus and is in a position where she would give anything to not have made this decision?

It’s a scary thought.

We can try to be nice with it and call it “Euthanasia” meaning a good death, but this is not a good death. This is murder. It is the wrongful taking of life when we have no business taking it. We are telling this woman she is a hopeless case and society will be better off. She has nothing to contribute then.

How much do you have to hate someone to tell them that?

It’s also strange that conservatives like myself are told we are responsible for the deaths of so many people who kill themselves, but when someone else like this kills themselves, well that’s met by cheers and shouts of bravery. It’s been said that people become what they worship. What happens if we treat death as the greatest good that there is? What will we become?

We will become a culture of death.

Or maybe we already have.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)


Andrew Perry on 1 Cor. 8:6 Part 5

Does Jesus just represent the Father? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

In this section, Perry claims that the best way to speak of Jesus is as one who has the name of YHWH not because He is YHWH, but because He is representing YHWH.

The best sense for ‘included within the divine identity’ is representative identity i.e. where someone
represents (acts for) someone else.
Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things
under the earth; and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is kyrios, to the glory of God
the Father. Phil 2:9-11 (KJV revised); cf. Rom 14:1

First off, it’s noteworthy that in this passage, everything bows down to Jesus and to God, meaning that there is a differentiation going on between Jesus and everything else save the Father. Some of you astute readers will be thinking that Paul is quoting Isaiah here. We are about to get to that.

The name given to Jesus that is above every name is not the common Jewish name of ‘Jesus’ but that of
‘Yhwh’. As we have noted above, the type for this is the giving of the name to the Angel of the Lord.
This framework of name-bearing is indicative of representation (acting/speaking50 in someone’s name).
This is clear from the example of the Angel of the Lord where God instructs that the people were to obey
his voice because “my name is in/with him” (Exod 23:21). The identity here is representative, one in
which someone represents the authority and the will of another. As such, it does not confuse the persons
of God and the Angel of the Lord. We can, if we want, gloss this kind of identity as an ‘inclusive’ identity:
the representative is part of the identity of the one represented.

Nothing is said of what if someone does think the Angel of the Lord is the preincarnate Christ and actually an appearance of YHWH? There are numerous occasions in the Old Testament where someone talks to the Angel of the Lord and it is as if they are speaking to God. There are also times the Angel speaks as if He is God, notably in Exodus 3. Perry in a footnote says the prophets represented God, which is true, but no one ever confused Isaiah for YHWH.

Paul quotes Isa 45:23 in Phil 2:9-11 which, while ‘anthropomorphic’, is quite specific in its personal
language: ‘my mouth’ and ‘unto me’ – this singular language doesn’t seem to offer much room for others
to receive obeisance.
I have sworn by myself, the word is gone out of my mouth in righteousness, and shall not return,
that unto me (yl yk) every knee shall bow, every tongue shall swear. (Isa 45:23 KJV)
Commentators assume that bowing ‘at the name of Jesus’ is equivalent to bowing before Jesus alone. It is
as if their exegesis drops ‘the name’ from their consideration of what Paul is saying. However, if you bow
‘at the name’ and that name is ‘Yhwh’, then Yahweh is involved as an indirect recipient of the obeisance
when the one being bowed to is a representative.

Absent is any mention of “I will not share my glory with another” from Isaiah 42:8. However, if Philippians says everyone bows at the name of Jesus and everyone is to bow to YHWH, it’s easy to make that parallel. It’s practically hard to avoid it.

In general, insofar as Christ does the same thing his Father does, the same action predicates are applied to
them both. For example,
To the end he may stablish your hearts unblameable in holiness before God, even our Father, at
the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all his saints. 1 Thess 3:13 (KJV)
…and kyrios my God shall come, and all the saints with thee. Zech 14:5 (KJV)

Yet this is not saying Jesus is doing the same action of YHWH. YHWH never comes to the Earth except at the end of Revelation and then it is the marriage of Heaven and Earth. It is Jesus that is coming to the Earth. Again, Paul is making a one-to-one parallel.

This allusion is an example of Yhwh texts that describe God acting on behalf of his people in the land.
The language of Yahweh coming in the person of another is seen, for example, in the case of the Arm of
the Lord (Isa 40:3; 10; 51:9; 53:1; John 12:38). This is God being manifest in the flesh (1 Tim 3:16) and
fulfilling his own declaration, ‘I will be who I will be’ (Exod 3:1460). That God is manifest in someone on
the ground is indicated by the prediction that ‘his feet’ would stand on the Mount of Olives. As Adey
observes, “A Biblical criterion of being the true God is that God’s identity can be depicted by another”.
The predicates of action are equally applicable to Yahweh as they are to the person on the ground.
There are criteria of application for these predicates which are satisfied by Yahweh and the person on
the ground. The point here is not that the person bears the name ‘Yhwh’, nor that they necessarily
represent Yahweh (pace foreign potentates brought against Israel), though this may be true: the point is
that God is manifesting himself in someone through the Spirit their actions are the actions of God. In
this sense, that person is included in an identity with God (and vice-versa) but without any confusion of

The fact that some people can possibly have a confusion of persons shows why Paul wrote the way he did, regularly saying theos for the Father and kurios for the Lord Jesus. Of course, it would be difficult to describe in many ways, but the solution is not to change the doctrine, but to change the language the best we can. Yet what happens if someone says contrary to what Perry thinks about this?

Fletcher-Louis states, “Time and again we find divine action or functions ascribed to Christ in a way that
now makes sense if Christ belongs within the divine identity and if he fully participates in the divine
nature.” What we need to question here is the ‘fully participates in the divine nature’. This sounds like
theologically motivated eisegesis designed to support later church doctrine.

Unfortunately, Perry doesn’t question it. It is fine to question what it means and that would be a great discussion to have, but his response is “It sounds like theologically motivated eisegesis designed to support later church doctrine.” Obviously, Perry is free from any theological motivations whatsoever. Suppose I said “Perry’s writing sounds like theologically motivated eisegesis in order to avoid a doctrine he disagrees with.” Could I be right? Sure. Is that an argument to reject Perry? Not at all. The motivations don’t matter. The data does.

The framework for understanding the same divine action being attributed to God and to Christ is
representative. This is clear from the use of ‘parentheses’ in Paul,
Now God himself and our Father, (even our Lord Jesus Christ), direct our way unto you. 1 Thess
3:11 (KJV revised); cf. 2 Thess 3:5
The singular verb ‘to direct’ is attached to the subject ‘God’ as shown by the emphasis ‘himself’, but the
guidance is through the Lord Jesus, as shown by the ‘even’ sense of the conjunction. Paul uses the same
construction for emphasis in 1 Thess 5:23, “May the God of peace himself (Auvto.j de. o` qeo.j) sanctify you
wholly”, and 1 Cor 8:6 makes the relationship clear: spiritual things are of the Father but through the Son
(see below).

When I look at 2 Thess. 3:5, it’s hard to find a translation besides the KJV that translates it this way. The majority don’t have a problem. Looking at the other translations, it looks that Paul is asking that the audience be directed to qualities of the Father and of the Son, but it would not be as if these were mutually exclusive to one or the other. Consider this for an example:

May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.

Are we to think that if you want love, you go to the Father, but if you want perseverance, you go to the Son? Now granted, the Son is the only one who has been incarnate and persevered in suffering, but we are also told that God is patient with us. I doubt Perry would also question that the Son has love for us.

As for from the Father and through the Son, I agree with this. This is because I see Jesus as God’s Wisdom. This does not remove Jesus from the divine nature.

The singular verb attaches to the emphasized subject, God the Father, but the parenthesis provides a
substitution for the reader, a device which therefore does not contravene the normal grammar of noun-verb agreement.66 Fletcher-Louis’ grammatical analysis is therefore wrong “two persons grammatically
expressed as one acting subject”. It is rather, two grammatical subjects (one primary, one secondary)
available for one action verb.

And Perry can win this battle and lose the war. I don’t have a problem with this in my view of Jesus. It’s also something that really makes sense to me seeing as I don’t hold to unipersonalism.

Next time, we will discuss typological identity.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)