Category: Love

Partial And Complete

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I can assure everyone that I will not be on tomorrow night. If you remember where we were a year ago, I had announced that actually I was to be married and tomorrow, the Mrs. and I celebrate our first anniversary. We think everyone who’s helped us both prayerfully and financially and we hope you will continue to do so. For now, let’s return to 1 Corinthians 13 and see what Paul has to say about love.

Paul tells us about the partial in verses 9-10. What we do in part, and we know about this. The more you think you know about something, the more you will come to realize that you do not know. The more knowledge we have of a topic, the more that we are amazed at that topic.

This includes our knowledge of God and if there is anything we do not understand to the maximum, it is definitely God. This is a topic we need to wrestle with. For instance, with the Trinity, we can show the Trinity from the Bible, but have we really took the time to think out what those texts mean if they’re true? If the Trinity is true, what does that tell us about God? If the Trinity is a topic that doesn’t leave you with questions, then you can be sure that you do not understand the Trinity at all.

Paul tells us that we speak in part, probably because that is all the knowledge of God that we can have, partial. When we get to the complete however, we will not know in part. We will know completely.

What is completeness? There are many debates on this topic, but I am inclined to think based on the later words of the passage that it refers to when we get to the point where we see God. When that happens, we will know completely. Of course, this will be commented on more as we get further into the text.

What does this mean for love? It does mean that our love is incomplete at this point. We can never fully love someone here as we ought. This could be seen as saddening for some of us, but I would prefer to think of it as exciting. But how can it be exciting to know that our love is incomplete?

If what we have now is complete love, we are quite lacking in many ways. Instead, think of how it will be when you reach eterinity. You will love your friends, family, and your spouse and children in ways you never could before because your sinful nature is gone. Look at those relationships that you have now and think of how different they will be when you get that perfect love.

For now, that means that we are to grow in the love that we have more and more, as to grow in love is to grow to be more Christlike. What are we going to do today to be more loving?

Love Never Fails

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. We’re currently going through 1 Corinthians 13 and seeing what the apostle Paul has to say about love. Tonight, we are going to discuss the topic of “Love Never Fails.”

Love is permanent. Whatever else is going on in the world, love will always be there. Why? Love is of the nature of God and the nature of God will never change or pass away. The apostle points to this side of love in distinction to other things that will pass away, things that the Corinthians were priding themselves on.

Prophecies. Prophecy was one thing Paul was proud of as well. Paul told the Corinthians to seek prophecy and that it was the greatest of gifts, but yet, prophecy will pass away. When humanity stands before God and sees Him as He is, there will be no more need of prophets to act as conduits between God and man. Man will have direct experience of God. In that day, prophecy will cease.

Tongues? The same principle applies. If tongues are a prayer language meant to allow the person to pray to God in an unknown tongue, there will be no need of that as the person will communicate with God on a whole new level. If tongues are a known language meant for the spreading of the gospel, there will also be no need of that as there will be no spreading of the gospel message in Heaven. All will know about the goodness and grace of God immediately.

What about knowledge? Well obviously in a way, knowledge will not cease since God is omniscient and we will know God, but knowledge of things that are temporary and changing will have a problem. We will know things not by knowing the objects, but rather by knowing God. Imagine how it will be when the day comes and you see your neighbor through God. No wonder there will be such immense love between people in Heaven.

In contrast to all of these, love itself will not fade. It will last forever. The community of Heaven will be one of love. People there will have a great love for one another. It has been said that the six activities that are done in Heaven are knowing and loving God, knowing and loving ourselves, and knowing and loving our neighbor. If these sound boring to you, then the problem is with you as not realizing how vastly interesting God is, you are, or your neighbor is.

The challenge to the Corinthian church would apply to us today. If this is how we are to be in the end as a community of love, then why are we not living it out now? Do our churches really come across as places of love or places of condemnation? The Corinthians had the error of being too condoning, such as allowing people to be drunk at the Communion services, suing one another, and a man marrying his father’s wife. Our problem would be that we are too strict at times. The people of the world often don’t want to come to church because they’re a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and frankly, we’ve deserved that a number of times.

Our command is to love one another, the way Jesus’s disciples were to be recognized even. Are we doing that? Do we need to practice what Paul says?

Love Always Perseveres

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. Right now, we’ve been going through the chapter of 1 Corinthians 13 and seeing what we can learn about the subject of love. Tonight, we’re going to be looking at the topic of perseverance.

As I sat down to write this, I thought about the Calvinistic doctrine of the perseverance of the saints. Now I’m not an expert on Calvinism I admit, but from what I gather, it is the idea that those who are saints will indeed persevere in their faith. Despite what circumstances come their way, if they are saved, they will endure to the end.

Whether that is true or not is irrelevant at this point. When we think about the doctrine, we think about it in the sense of salvation, but do we think about it in the sense of practical living. We know if we persevere to the end, then that shows that we are of the elect. However, perhaps we should take persevering to the end to also mean that we will be loving to the end.

Ever been angry at God? I mean really upset with Him? Now I fear we might have some types who see themselves as super holy and will say “Nope! Not me! I’ve always loved God intensely!” Well if that’s you, good for you. The rest of this then is written for myself and the rest of us mere ordinary Christians who have had anger with God.

What do you do? If you’re in ministry like myself, do you say “Forget you! I’m done with this!” and go off on your own way? Note I did not ask if you’re not tempted to do that. The temptation to walk away in ministry can be very tempting at times. The question is what do you do?

If you’re like me, chances are you find somehow, there is something within you that makes you want to serve Him anyway. It’s not because you really feel like it at the time, but because you know that you have a devotion to do so anyway and you’re going to whether you feel like it or not.

Christian apologist Ravi Zacharias in a talk of his tells about being in a classroom once in a Christian school, probably a Seminary, and hearing the professor say “Marriage is hard work.” He told his classmate sitting next to him that he didn’t like that and the classmate said “Yeah. I know what you mean. Why don’t you say something?”

So Ravi raised his hand and stood up and the professor said “Yes Zacharias?”

“I heard you say that marriage is hard work. I don’t appreciate that.”

“Are you married Zacharias?”

“No.”

“Shut up. Sit down. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

When Ravi got married, he realized his professor was right. Marriage is hard work.

Marriage is hard because it’s two people and let’s face it, we each tend to look out for #1, and your #1 gets in the way of my #1. The two people don’t always see eye to eye and yet have a commitment. Sometimes, they won’t feel like it. Sometimes, it’ll be hard. Sometimes, the other person will be someone you don’t want to be with at that moment, but you are to love anyway. I hear of guys who say their wives are driving them crazy.

For me personally, I try to look at myself first every time. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I am at fault every time, but why not start there? What can I do to better love my wife. It also means however that now or in the future, no matter what I am feeling, I am to love my wife. That is not a feeling. That is an action. It may or may not result in feelings, but it is to be done nonetheless.

And that love will persevere. If you are not persevering, perhaps you need to ask yourself if you are really loving. This does not mean that the love in marriage and the love of God will not get difficult. Do you persevere through something you enjoy? I do not sit down and say “I’ll have to persevere through watching all of these Smallville episodes.” You don’t endure through good books. You endure through bad ones. If we’re off to do something we enjoy we jokingly say “Well I guess I have to put myself through this suffering.” No. Perseverance comes through hard things.

Love goes through hard things. That’s love. The question is, “Do the benefits outweigh the costs?”

And in the case of ministry and marriage, I will say “Yes. Absolutely.”

Love Always Hopes

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. Right now, we’re going through 1 Corinthians 13 and looking at what Paul has to say about love. Tonight, we discuss how love always hopes.

No one likes to fail. There was a time in my past when I was working hard on getting my Master’s in the New Testament. When the time came, I was told by one of the professors that my thesis had not been accepted and I was stunned. I was told it was because of my writing style. I was surprised since I had taken writing tests that had placed me on the top. My reply was that I might have reached my maximum academic potential and just wasn’t capable of that kind of writing.

For one who loves to write, that was like being hit with a ton of bricks.

As it stands, I am now at Seminary and have written a number of successful research papers and when I look back on that point, I realize that really, that’s just one person’s opinion and there’s no reason to give up on a dream. I am quite pleased where I am and believe the future holds great things.

That’s the beauty of hope, and that’s what love does. Love hopes. It refuses to see the failure as final. This doesn’t mean that love refuses to look at reality. In fact, we Christians should be the people emphasizing reality the most, for all of reality is God’s reality. He is Lord of all that is.

Keep in mind other writings of Paul. Paul was the one who told the church in Thessalonica that they were to grieve, but when they grieve, not to grieve like those who have no hope. Not even death is final. He wrote to the church in Rome that all things are working together for the good of those who love the Lord. If that is the case, then indeed no failure is ultimately final.

Now he tells us to hope. This would be a comfort to a church that was stricken with numerous divisions. It might be difficult for them, but God isn’t done with them yet. This division does not have to define them. That’s our great danger. Failing in one thing, as we will all do at times, does not make us failures. If that is the case, everyone in the human race pretty much is a failure because we’ve all failed. We cannot define ourselves by one-time events that happen to us.

When we consider the aspect of seeking the good of the other, love becomes even more important. Love seeks the good of the other. When we say love always hopes, it means that love always hopes in the good of the other. Love always believes that the other is capable of doing good and is wiling to stand beside them. It is by love that the two stand together and face all odds.

Love always hopes.

Love Always Trusts

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. A good friend did make a donation last night to us and for that we are very much appreciative. What is able to be done here is because of the support of such good friends prayerfully and financially. To get to the blog, we’re continuing our look at 1 Corinthians 13 and seeing how love always trusts.

What does it mean to trust? It does not mean blind belief. It does not mean that love just accepts everything that is said entirely. It means that love prefers to give the benefit of the doubt.

Before my marriage, a friend of mine I was dialoguing with who happened to be the one who did the ceremony told me that he always saw my devotion to my wife because I was always ready to give the benefit of the doubt. If I thought there was something she needed to work on, I could say it but then say, “But I also have to keep this factor in mind.”

Let’s face it. There are all times that we do not really act in the way we generally behave. Something could be wrong. Maybe we didn’t get enough sleep or maybe we’re hungry or maybe we’re in a stressful time. Whatever it is, there are times that we reply to situations as we ought not to. Most often, we know that we are doing so. The reality is also that most of us don’t want to be judged by those times entirely. We realize we have made a mistake and that we should not act in that way and that we will work on that.

This means that if someone seems to be doing something to wrong you, then please throw out the idea of a nefarious plot to hurt you. It could be that for a time, they do desire to hurt you, but when the push comes to shove, if you needed them at that moment for something special, do you think that they would be right there for you? Absolutely.

This is also something we are more prone to do the less we’re focusing on ourselves. Many of our issues comes with the way we perceive other people will see us, as if they have nothing better to do with their days than spend all their time watching us. The truth of the matter is that most people throughout the day don’t care a bit about you. They don’t care, and that’s a very good thing. Why should you be under pressure to be perfect for people who aren’t all about you? (And frankly, no one should be all about you.)

It is usually our tendency to assume the worst in one another and not only in one another, but also in ourselves. In fact, I would say several of us do it with God as well. We often picture God as looking down on us just seeing how He can make our lives miserable.

I wonder, how it would be if we could really see God as constantly working in the lives of those who love Him to bring about their good? What if we could really believe that? What if there was a place in the Bible such as, oh, I don’t know, maybe Romans 8 where such a thing was promised?

Maybe we should start believing that?

And maybe if we got the love of God right, we’d get all the other loves right as well.

Love Always Protects

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I’ve just recently spoken with a friend of mine interested in helping us out with getting a good 501c3 and with fundraising and other aspects of ministry today that are not directly research oriented. Thus, hopefully we will have a website up soon. For our own topic of discussion tonight however, I am going to be continuing our look at 1 Corinthians 13 and seeing the topic of “Love Always Protects.”

My wife and I recently had dinner with some friends of ours that go to school with me and church with both of us. In that discussion we had that evening, the topic of our relationships came up to which I told them that my wife does have a genuine fear about my devotion for her. Those who see me know that I am not physically built in any way, seeing as I am incredibly thin, I have scoliosis, and I’m underweight. Despite all that, the Mrs. fears, and I can see myself doing this easily, that if anyone tried to hurt her that I would fight to the very end to protect her, even if my own life was forfeit.

None of us like to think about that of course. (Although granted men, we tend to think of us going kung fu or ninja on a bunch of bad guys and wiping the floor with them.) However, there is a strong protective quality to love. The love that Christ has for the church is so strong that he is willing to die for the church.

Kind of makes the whole thing about the Bible suppressing women look different when men are supposed to be willing to die for their wives doesn’t it?

Why does love protect? Love seeks the good of the beloved. It is not looking out for its own good but how the other can be blessed. For the Christian man then, life is a small thing to give up if he has to. The same is true for missionaries who end up dying in foreign lands for the cause of Christ. Death is a small thing to them compared to the love of what it is that they are dying for.

The protection says that the thing which is loved is that which ought not come under that kind of harm. Of course, some harm can sadly be necessary. The mother is not likely to knock out the doctor who is giving her child a shot, as much as that child might beg and plead for that to go away and for his mother to not allow this to happen, for the mother knows that the shot is for the good of the child.

But if you are seeking the good of the good, then you will protect that good. You will want to make sure that no harm comes to it. While some may think that no harm can come to God, to which they are correct, his message can be harmed. Not in the sense that it will lose its power or be untrue, but in the sense that it can be silenced in a land if it is not protected. This is something we have to be aware of when governments are often encroaching in on us with the open message of “tolerance.”

Our love for the gospel should be that we do not want the message to lose its impact. We want its good to be able to go on, and thus, we will readily defend it from all attackers. We will only do this if we have a love for the gospel. Maybe that’s what we should be asking next. Do we love the gospel?

This might seem like an obvious question, but maybe it isn’t. A lot of times we can get so caught up in the intellectual side of the gospel that we miss out the applicational side of it today in our lives. Let us remember that the gospel proclaimed on Pentecost is the same gospel that we are to be proclaiming today. We are to stand in continuity with our Christian predecessors. The reason we argue against the cults today is that they stand against the truth the church has always stood for.

Now granted, there are some objections we have today that they did not have, but there are still similarities. They might not have had the Watchtower to deal with, but they did have Arianism. They might not have had Mormonism, but they had Gnosticism which was also highly polytheistic. Atheism was around to a limited extent back then. We have to deal with beliefs like Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. Islam came after Christ of course, but Hinduism and Buddhism were mainly far away so the church did not have much interaction with them, although there was some. Whenever something arises that is contrary however to the truth of the gospel, it is the duty of every Christian to stand up for the truth of Christ that has been taught.

Let us not miss over this in being intellectual at times. The two are not opposed. One should think about the gospel they love. One should love the gospel they think about. We should seek to know more the God we love and we should seek to love more the God that we know.

Love always protects. If we love our Lord and His message, let us defend both. Many of us who are men would willingly die for our wives. Many women would also willingly die for their children. What are we willing to give our Lord?

Love Rejoices With The Truth

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. Tonight, we’re going to be continuing our look at 1 Corinthians 13 and love in that chapter.

I find this passage to be an interesting contrast. Love does not delight in evil is how it starts. We would expect the contrast to speak about goodness, but instead, it speaks about truth. Why counter evil with truth? In reality, those of us who are apologists know that this is what we do every day.

The way to counter evil is with the truth, and this is the truth of the gospel. Martin Luther taught us that we need to preach the gospel to ourselves every day. Why? Because we all need that truth. We all need to know what the truth is about who God says He is and who He says we are.

It surprises some people when they find out that as one prone to anxiety, that I often can think quite clearly on philosophical and theological matters, but when it comes to my own personal thinking, then all the rationality that I possess seems to go right out the window. In those times for me, the truth of the gospel can be hardest to come home.

I suspect that I am not alone, and why would it be the case that the truth of the gospel is so hard to see? It is because when we are in the midst of problems, all we can generally see are the problems. God is usually seen as off in the distance and we don’t see the immediate relevance of the gospel to our lives.

Many of us are also wired differently emotionally. I often wonder about worship services I’m at, particularly with a much younger audience, as I see the people worshiping and raising their hands and such and I’m tempted to wonder how much of it is really real. Are people really worshiping or is it sometimes that they are wanting to worship and thinking that worship consists of a mood?

Honestly then, I am not one who wakes up in the morning and says “Jesus is alive and my sins are forgiven. Let me rejoice!” Now there are times I do get caught in awe and wonder, but those are not normative. Is this a deficiency in me? It could be. Or it could be that I’m more normal than I realize and simply get concerned for not seeming to build up to the “common” notion.

However we do it though, we are called to rejoice with the truth. The truth of the gospel should bring joy to us. Note I said joy and not happiness as happiness is a loaded term in our modern terminology. Joy I think refers to an attitude and not to a feeling. It refers to the outlook we have on life. Are we going to be living our lives looking through the lens of the truth of the gospel are looking as if we think we’re all that there is and God for all intents and purposes does not exist?

We all know we need the gospel for salvation, but we forget we need it for all else. We need the truth of the gospel. You need it. I need it. Your pastor needs it. The Seminary teacher needs it. Everyone needs it.

So let’s give it.

We shall continue next time.

Love Does Not Delight In Evil

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I have seen a comment recently on a post I’ve made on stoning children and it is appreciated. I hope before too long to write something more for CARM as I’ve been writing some for them lately on if belief in God is like belief in Santa. Stay tuned for all that’s going on with Deeper Waters.

Tonight in looking at the topic of love, we’re going to discuss the passage in 1 Corinthians 13 where it is said that love does not delight in evil.

When I was preparing to get married, my pre-marital counselor was telling me that seminary students like myself will be glad to defend total depravity, but when it comes to us, we somehow get shocked when we find out we’re totally depraved. We will gladly evangelize and state that man has a sin nature and that is his problem, but what a surprise to find out it is in fact OUR problem.

But it is.

We are twisted creatures at heart. We find it shocking to hear that love does not delight in evil because, well, who would? The answer? We would. In fact, the Germans have the word schadenfreude to refer to the delight in another person’s suffering. We all have some sadistic tendencies in us.

There are sad times that we get bad news and in a way, we want to pass it on to see if other people will react. Now of course, there is a sense of justice at times where we want others to reap what they are owed for their actions, but there are times we want them to reap simply because we want them to suffer for the sake of suffering. We want them to suffer for our joy. We will be happy knowing they are suffering.

Many of us can think of situations that seem to paint someone in a negative light and then think about how we’ll show them. How many people have plotted a way they would be tempted to get revenge on someone if they could? Does it seem shocking that a Seminary student might think along the same ways? I am reminded then of the pastor who spoke at a pastor’s conference and said that he was sad to say that just minutes before speaking on the holiness of God, he has some of the most unholy thoughts going through his mind.

Yes. That’s us. Usually rather than do something about those unholy thoughts, we instead relish them when we shouldn’t.

“I know I should let this anger go against this person, but I’d much rather hold on to it.”

“I know I shouldn’t look at this pornography, but it’s just oh so appealing.”

“I know I should be doing more work, but I think I’ll just slack off a bit longer.”

“I know I should forgive this person if they come to me, but I want to hold it over their head and make them pay for what they’ve done.”

Let’s be clear Christians. If we come to Christ’s words and we hear what we should do, we don’t put a “but” onto it. When Christ says “love your neighbor as yourself”, you do so. When he says to forgive as you have been forgiven, you do so. When he tells you not to worry or be anxious, you do so. You don’t add the buts.

But of course, we do, because, well, we all know better than Christ.

Love does not delight in evil since evil is contrary to the nature of God. We should seek the good. How can we say we are seeking good when we are delighting in evil? Ravi Zacharias has spoken of how we can see a scene on TV that we should be looking away from, but instead we watch intrigued. When I got married, I made it a point to avoid those scenes. It’s a battle, but I try. There was a day and age the Mrs. and I have talked about when a movie would have the man and woman go into the room, close the door, and you’d hear a click of a lock. That was it. I don’t approve of the action among non-marrieds, but at least they didn’t have to show everything.

Today, are we delighting in evil or not? Is your delight in God? If so, then how can it be that any delight in evil is allowed? Seek to banish it today!

Love is not Easily Angered

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. Right now, the wife has been looking at a web hosting program so hopefully we’ll be able to get a web site up soon. We’re also planning to talk to someone soon about a 501c3 meaning Deeper Waters will be more than just a blog. For tonight however, we’re continuing our look at 1 Corinthians 13 with how love is not easily angered.

Note that it says easily angered. Anger itself is not a sin. It can lead to sin, but then so can many other emotional states. The modern idea of love can lead to sin. I do not doubt that many couples who have pre-marital sex have a great love for each other. The love of many other things can lead to addiction. As it is, what is needed more than anything else is self-control.

There are facts that we need to get angry about. If someone is hurting someone we love, we should get angry. When the gospel is being mocked by someone, we should get angry. We are too often prone to sit back and say “We must not hurt their feelings.” Most of us would not put up with someone insulting our mother or our spouse or our children, but we sit back and try to be gentle when someone insults our God.

Yet what about the times where we should not get angry? To be fair, working with our reactions can be very hard a lot of times. It is quite natural to have immediate anger when something does not go our way. A danger here is the idea that if it is natural, then that means it is understandable and okay.

It is understandable, but that does not mean it is okay. We can see why someone would get angry, but that does not mean that getting angry is okay. Most of the things we get angry over are things that we should not get angry over. They are little things that go wrong that are mild annoyances and yet we make them all-important issues. After all, the world has to be absolutely perfect. It just has to!

To say love is not easily angered is to call us to self-control and dare I say it, checking ourselves first before we’re ready to lash out at the other person. It means that before you scream at your kids, that you take some time to breathe. It means that when your spouse does something contrary to you, that you don’t just slam the doors in the house.

If you get angry, the best thing to do is to try to work it out. In our household, times where I have been upset I have at the end of the day talked over with the wife and let her know that something she did upset me, and she does the same to me if something I do upsets her. That kind of freedom to be able to share I consider absolutely essential. Note this my friends who plan to get married. You must learn to communicate well, not just to a crowd but to one person.

Learn to control your emotions rather than your emotions controlling you. It is the way to be more loving and thus, more like Christ.

We shall continue next time.

Love is not Self-Seeking

Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. We’ve been going through 1 Corinthians 13 lately and seeing what the Apostle Paul has to say about love. Tonight, I’d like us to look at the question of if love is self-serving.

This should be obvious to us and it could be something we want to deny because we come to realize how much we are not acting in love. How often is it that we are making suggestions for someone and while we want to act like we’re acting in their best interests, in our minds we’re thinking “This will work out really well for me if they do this.”

This is not to deny that there can be benefits for us if some people do some things, but the reasons we should seek for them to do those things should be the benefits that they will incur from the actions and not the benefits that we will incur. We can enjoy those benefits for us, but we should realize that if they get benefited and we don’t, well seeing them benefit should be our benefit.

Why isn’t it so often?

We Christians should realize that to grow in true biblical love is to grow closer to God. When we act in the loving way, we are acting in the way that He would have us to act.

In his book, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas says that the man who says to his wife “I don’t love you and never really have” is not just a bad husband, but he is a bad Christian as well. For the Christian, love is not a choice. Love is a command. It should be what we are seeking to do. We cannot get up every day and say “Is it really to my benefit to love my neighbor today?” No. We get up and we love our neighbor. It is our choice only in the sense that we can choose to be obedient or not. It is not a choice in that God has given us no other options on how to act Christlike to our neighbor other than loving ones.

I get the Late Night jokes emailed to me regularly and before posting tonight, I read one from Jay Leno. While I know this was meant as a joke, I shared it with a friend of mine pointing out that this is something that could be said straight from the pulpit. Leno said the following:

“A right-wing religious group in Iowa is now asking all the Republican presidential candidates to sign a pledge to remain faithful to their spouse. Isn’t that the marriage pledge?”

Yes. That’s indeed what it is. That was the covenant made before God and men that a spouse is to abide by. I can often look at my wedding ring, which is of course on my hand as I type, and think about that awesome responsibility that I have taken on, which is hard for our society to recognize seeing as we don’t like the word responsibility. The problem is always someone else’s fault or we are someone else’s responsibility. There are some things we cannot do on our own and there are ways we can help each other, but let us seek to do what we can on our own.

That could be one reason many marriages have difficulties that drive them apart. To be sure, all marriages will have difficulties. It’s how we face them. The Mrs. and I have had several difficulties from surgery to finances to deaths in the family. We’ve made it through based on the devotion we have to one another. A statement I made to a counselor was one that he replied with by telling me that if more couples realized it, they wouldn’t need marriage counseling. I told him that when things don’t seem to be going my way and the Mrs. is acting in ways I can think of as hurtful, I keep in mind two things. First, that she loves me. Second, that she would never do anything to intentionally maliciously hurt me.

Do I do that perfectly always? Doubtful. But I try.

Our society tempts us to have us think that if we have problems, well the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. However, if a person cannot be trusted to be faithful to the one they have now, why should they be trusted to be faithful to anyone? (This is not saying there are no biblical grounds for the sadness of divorce such as a spouse who has been cheated on or is being abused)

The problem is we’re largely self-seeking. We seek to do things for ourselves. If the other is not making us happy, well we move on because it’s all about our happiness. Instead, we do not seek to make the other happy and realize that our happiness should largely consist in making them happy.

Jennifer Roback Morse in her book “Smart Sex” talks of a marriage therapist for women who had women come to her complaining about their husbands. “He doesn’t help with house work.” “He doesn’t help with the kids.” “He just watches TV all day.” The therapist gave them the exercise of going home and seducing their husbands for two weeks. The women scoffed at this thinking it absolute nonsense, but nevertheless, some tried it.

When they came back, the results were astounding. “He cleaned up the whole house.” “He was actually reading to the kids at night.” “We’ve never spend such great time together.” The women before could have been saying “Why isn’t my husband doing what I want him to do to provide for my happiness?” instead of asking “What can I do for the happiness of my husband?”

It’s also important for the two to understand what they mean with their terms and actions such as the love languages. My wife loves quality time for instance. If I’m just in the same room with her, she considers that as something special. She can be quite happy watching me play through a Final Fantasy game or if we play Samurai Warriors together.

For myself, my language is physical touch and so I prefer to get to be held by her. Both ways of love are okay. It is not right or wrong. It’s just different. Couples need to learn this about each other. Don’t just look at what you would want someone to do to you that would be loving. Look and say “What will the other person find loving from their perspective?” I could say “I would love to get a good book on apologetics, so I’ll get her one and that’ll go over well!”

Not a chance.

Neither would her buying me a sketchbook and some pencils for artwork go over well. We have different interests. Men and women in every other area know this. Women do not order flowers for their men usually. Men do not bring home hunting knives normally for their women.

Wouldn’t it just be great if we could all get outside of ourselves and stop looking for ways that others can please us, but ways that we can please others. Could it be that we might have a more biblical love then? Could it be that we might actually start to look like Christ on Earth?

Wouldn’t it be worth it?