Category: Marriage

The Missing Father

Where was he? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Joseph has grown up now and started having dreams. No. I’m not talking about what you get after eating too much pizza at night or about what happens when you are highly ambitious. (Although it certainly looks like Joseph was that.) These are dreams that get the rest of his family, including Jacob, angry. In these dreams, he would see representations of his family bowing down to him.

They weren’t exactly happy to hear all of this. Even Jacob was indignant. Unfortunately, Jacob did show special favor to Joseph though, such as giving him a fancy coat which no one else got. They could have seen it as a way of trying to make the dreams come about to be true.

One day, Jacob sends Joseph to his brothers and after some journeying, he finds where they are. When they see him coming, they decide to kill him, although Reuben does have second thoughts. (Maybe he remembers what he did with his Dad’s concubine and is trying to get in his father’s grace again.)

However, these brothers decide just killing Joseph wouldn’t get them that much. They can get rid of him and still profit some themselves. They just need to sell him into slavery. Fortunately, a caravan is coming through that will purchase him.

Reuben is apparently away while this happens and when he returns, he finds the pit that they had thrown Joseph into is empty and he thinks that the boy has been killed and he tears his clothes. The text doesn’t tell us, but I suspect this still has to do with Reuben’s transgression. Reuben wants to make up somehow for what he did.

However, the brothers still have a problem here. Joseph is gone, but their Dad is going to wonder what happened to him. Somehow, they have a hunch that the message of “We sold him into slavery” isn’t going to go over well. So, they take his special coat and dip it in the blood of an animal and show it to Jacob.

In the book Misreading Scripture with Individualist Eyes, the authors write about this story being told to a Middle Eastern group and when they get to the trouble between the brothers someone asks a question we don’t normally think of. “Where is Jacob?” To be sure, Jacob shows up in the text, but the father is supposed to lead his family and be aware of what’s going on. This father is so unaware of what’s going on that he doesn’t see the jealousy Joseph’s brothers have and don’t realize their desire to see him dead?

Sadly, Jacob’s special care for Joseph has blinded him to the reality of his other sons. You would think Jacob would have learned about the dangers of favoritism after the trouble that he had with Esau, which fortunately did end on a positive note. Unfortunately, he did not, and while God will use this for good, it doesn’t condone that Jacob should have been a more attentive father in the life of his children.

If you’re a father today, don’t make the same mistake. The consequences can be tragic.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Reuben’s Transgression

Why did Reuben do what he did? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

In Genesis 35, we have the deaths of Rachel and Isaac. Rachel dies giving birth to the second son she bore for Jacob. Isaac dies simply because he’s an old man and it’s his time. During this event, something strange happens also. Just after these deaths, we are told that Reuben, the firstborn son of Jacob, goes in and sleeps with Rachel’s concubine, Bilhah, and Jacob hears about it.

Why?

This is the first time we have a case of the son sleeping with someone that his father has slept with as well recorded in Scripture. The other case that I can think of now is when Absalom pitched a tent on the roof of David’s palace and went in and slept with his father’s concubines. Now it could be that many young men reading might think that Reuben is just wanting to get his game on and have sex and Bilhah is available. Possible, but not really likely.

In both cases, both persons are asserting a show of dominance. When Absalom sleeps with the concubines of David, he is trying to show superiority and having this be done before all of Israel is a very public statement. It’s not about sex per se. It’s about power.

In Jacob’s family, his wife has died and his Dad has died. Could Reuben then be trying to assert control? What if the vacuum keeps going and Jacob himself is removed? Reuben himself wants to be the one to lead the family then.

The text right after this seems to single out Reuben anyway. We are told a list of the descendants of Jacob. Through Leah, we are told that Reuben was born and that Reuben was the firstborn. Then, the other sons are mentioned without comment, as if they were incidental to all of this.

It’s as if the text is saying “Yes. Reuben is born. Remember him? He’s the firstborn. Then there were all these other sons that were born as well.” It’s wanting to stress that this is the position Reuben would naturally have over his family.

And sadly for him, he would have had it. Had things run their course, it could be that Reuben could have naturally been the head of the family, although that is not certain since Jacob did favor Joseph as the firstborn of Rachel, but when Jacob blesses his descendants and tells their future, he says that Reuben will no longer excel.

What is the reason? He went up on his father’s bed and defiled it. This is the only time in the text when Jacob explicitly speaks of this event. Reuben is praised greatly just before that pronouncement as the firstborn of Jacob. He was the first sign of Jacob’s strength and excelling in honor and power, but because he tried to grab it on his own, he will not have it.

Whenever and wherever sex takes place and who it is with, it is always a big deal. Proverbs warns us that adultery arouses a husband’s jealousy and he will not take any bribe when he gets his revenge in. We live in a society that may try to treat sex as if it was just something recreational, but many of us know that this is not so. When we are cheated on, we know immediately that something deeper is happening and as a man who has been divorced facing this reality, it definitely hits home every day.

Sadly, while sex can be a great power for good uniting husband and wife and bringing a new life into the world, used improperly, it can just as much cause devastation. It did for Reuben. It does for many people today.

Treat it carefully.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

The Rape of Dinah

How does Scripture see rape? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Jacob’s only daughter, Dinah, is out one day visiting the women of the land where Jacob is staying. Shechem, the son of Hamor, sees her and likes what he sees and rapes her. At the same time, the text says he loved her and spoke tenderly to her and asked his Dad to get her for his wife.

Love can be expressed in funny ways. (Although I’d say it wasn’t really love but lust there.)

Jacob is approached by Hamor and during the conversation, Jacob’s sons come in and hear what happened and are shocked and furious. The sad part of this is we don’t know what Jacob thought about this. Jacob is really an absentee father in this case. A Middle Eastern audience would likely be very surprised by Jacob’s silence. Isn’t a father to protect his daughter and assure her virginity?

Jacob’s sons take the lead here and say that they will only agree to what is proposed if the men of the community are all willing to be circumcised. The text says they are speaking deceitfully, though the reader doesn’t know their plan at this point. Shechem agrees to this and all the men in the town are circumcised. While they are still in pain, Jacob’s sons come in and kill everyone and rescue Dinah.

Despite what some internet skeptics and atheist websites say, the Bible never approves of rape. It records it and tells Israel that if they are unfaithful to God, He will cease to protect them and that means the nations around them who have no problem with their men raping the women, will come in and have their way. This is not God ordaining it or approving it. He’s just not stopping every instance of evil. He has no obligation to.

The rape of Dinah is presented as an evil and no reason needs to be given for it. The text assumes at the start that you know that Dinah was treated in a way that is wrong and shameful both. Her brothers saw it immediately.

Yet another tragedy in all of this is that after the slaughter, this is when we see Jacob speak and he’s concerned about his reputation in the eyes of those around him. Whether we agree with the method of her brothers or not, they had the right idea. Should their sister have been treated like a prostitute? Simeon and Levi, the two brothers involved, are more concerned about their sister’s honor than Jacob is.

Thus, we have an account of one woman who went out to meet the other women and her honor was turned to shame. She met a man who mistreated her. This man took advantage of her entirely.

Go forward around a couple of thousand years and in this same area, the reverse will happen. One woman, who has been shamed by five different men will go out and not to meet other women. She will go out alone. She will meet a man who will honor her. This woman will then go out to other people and say “Have we met the Messiah?”

The shame of Dinah is reversed at the coming of Jesus, and Jesus can today help those who have gone through the horror of rape. Such who go through are the victims and have no need to be ashamed. Shame should belong to the perpetrator of the crime. Any person (Because men can be raped too) who has been abused can find solace in Christ and a place to have their honor restored.

If you have gone through this or know someone who has, please get some help for yourself. Please also consider the claims of Christ. You don’t have to live in defeat. You can still enjoy the freedom He offers.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Jacob’s polygamy

Where did Jacob’s troubles begin? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Jacob is the patriarch who embraced polygamy. To be fair, he was kind of tricked into it, but still, he had more than one wife. Unfortunately, as we go through the story, we will see that this leads to trouble for Jacob. After all, some siblings of his will not get along with others and considering they call different women, “Mom” that could explain some of it.

For the positives, it looks like when Jacob comes in at one point, Rachel has borrowed some mandrakes from Leah to increase fertility for herself and says Leah can sleep with Jacob tonight in exchange. Thus, one can understand that it looks like Jacob knew that when he came home that evening, he’d be sleeping with someone.

It wasn’t just Rachel and Leah. They also gave their female servants to Jacob to sleep with to continue their family line. Thus, four different women in the text become mothers and all do so through Jacob.

One reason for this is that Leah was being neglected by Jacob because he had a greater love for Rachel. As a result, God allowed Leah to get pregnant more often and closed the womb of Rachel. Leah is the one who in the end provides Jacob with half of his sons and has a daughter as well.

Still, polygamy is one of those practices that never seems to end well for those involved in Scripture. Rachel always carries a position of the favorite and thus, her children carry positions of favor with Jacob as well. As we go through the history of Jacob and his family, we will see this play out more and more. In the account of the birth of most of Jacob’s children, you find some squabbling taking place and if this was the worst of the effects of polygamy, there wouldn’t be much of a case, but later on, we’ll see more.

It’s also worth noting that Jacob’s brother, Esau, also had married multiple women and they were a source of grief to Rebekkah. Esau’s solution was not to get rid of them, but to marry another woman he thought his mother would approve of. Later on in Israelite history, getting rid of wives that are outside of the covenant would be more necessary.

Thus, aside from perhaps Pharaoh and Abimelech who have harems in Genesis, Lamech, Esau, and Jacob are the only ones I can think of at least that have multiple wives. We don’t know enough about the inner workings of those other families to speak about them, but we do know enough about Jacob.

Polygamy was one of those borderline practices God tolerated in the Old Testament, but in the time of the new covenant, He was much stricter on. Most Jews at the time of Jesus were highly monogamous. Paul will later write that an elder needs to be the husband of one wife and yes, we will look at that passage a lot more when we get there.

For now, just know Jacob has rough times coming ahead.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Who Are You Getting Into Bed With?

Who will you wake up to the next morning? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

We’re looking at the way the Bible treats marriage and divorce going straight through it and looking at relevant passages. This time, we’re looking at Jacob going to get a wife. He becomes smitten with Rachel over her older sister Leah and decides to work seven years for her father in order to win her hand.

So after seven years, Jacob comes to her father, Laban, and tells him that he has done the work and he wants to sleep with Rachel.

I bet he does.

So there’s a big party for a wedding and Jacob takes his bride into the tent. All is well. He has got the woman he wanted.

Or so he thought.

When he woke up the next morning, Leah was there. Now why would this not be noticed beforehand? A few reasons. First, the intimacy would have happened at night and it would be dark and Leah could have still worn a veil. Second, Jacob could have been tremendously drunk from a wedding.

Either way, Jacob was tricked. He goes to Laban and tells him that he worked for Rachel and not Leah. Laban tells him that the older daughter needs to be married first and Jacob can get Rachel if he does seven years more work.

I’d just like to pull out a principle from this. Today in our culture, sex is treated like a recreational activity. It’s just something that two people do together when they want to have some fun. This is not to deny that having sex is something fun that can be done by two people, but is that all that it is? Could it not be more?

Many boys and girls are ready to jump into bed with most anyone they come across for various reasons. Many a boy wants to have sex because he’s convinced that will make him a man. Many a girl wants to have sex because she wants to be loved and thinks this is the way to get love. The idea is often that boys give love to get sex and girls give sex to get love.

However, sex is really a big deal and does change a relationship greatly. Unfortunately, too many people don’t know who they’re getting into bed with and can even easily have a one-night stand and then realize that the woman is pregnant or that one of the lovers has an STD. Rates of such are extremely high in our country and while sometimes unplanned pregnancy is taken care of with the evil of abortion, there isn’t always such a way to handle an STD.

Naturally, I hold that sex should be reserved for marriage and that after a time of dating in our society. Too often, sex is treated as part of the dating, as if you are testing the person to see how they are. Such a rejection after can be extremely painful. While I have never had sex outside of marriage, I can say having gone through a divorce, it is a rejection to a man deeply on this level as well. It is as if you gave yourself entirely to a person in every way and they said “Not good enough.”

My ultimate conclusion is I still encourage that you save sex for marriage, and yes, I say this as someone who knows I will have to marry before I get to enjoy this gift again. That doesn’t bring me joy to think about, but I am convinced it is still the best way to go. Mainly, this is for the women since really, the women control the market here. Guys are normally the pursuers after all.

So women, here is the deal. You are worth a lifetime covenant. Don’t give yourself to a man for anything less. You deserve better. Men do too, but men are normally not the ones in charge of the market.

In our culture, you definitely need to know who it is that you’re going to be going to bed with. As said earlier, there can be long-term consequences that do not go away if you make an unwise choice. Ultimately, what our culture needs is a much higher view of sex and marriage than we already have instead of the cheap view of both that is the norm.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Divorce and the Holidays

What are holidays like for those grieving? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I’m emphasizing divorce here because I can speak personally of that. I cannot do that for other situations. However, for anyone going through grief and loss, the holidays can be hard. I think of my friend Evan Minton, who lost his mother this year and how Thanksgiving could be very awkward this year. There are many widows and widowers out there who will be having a hard time. I think of my friend Christina in Charlotte whose young husband died this year.

Now for me, I have never really cared for Thanksgiving. I really like for the most part being on the spectrum, but Thanksgiving is awkward. The holiday is now pretty much all about the food, that I don’t care for aside from pumpkin pie, and then socializing. The first Thanksgiving I remember truly enjoying, I had the flu and had to stay home and Ocarina of Time had just come out and I spent the evening trying to get through the Forest Temple for the first time.

That used to be my second best also.

The best would have been the first Thanksgiving I spent with my ex-wife and her family. I can’t really say that anymore. That memory now only brings pain.

I noticed at my own job that I was becoming more irritable these past few days. I suspect it has to do with all these people coming in talking about the holiday and saying “Happy Thanksgiving.” It doesn’t help that my love life has suffered and just recently I thought I might have had something, but no, that didn’t work out. For me, Thanksgiving is a kind of loneliness.

Sure. I have my parents here, but I’m 41 years old and I thrive on being independent. Being in Texas for ETS was an awesome time for me because I was out there and on my own and making my own decisions. No. My parents don’t control me, but I am dependent on being in their house. They’re great people, but I do long to be out there myself.

I am busy preparing for the furtherance of my education and I don’t know how I will manage to pay for it all. I still want to earn enough to live on my own. I want to have a woman in my life again. I want to be able to go to a job that I enjoy and that I think I make a difference at.

In that situation for me, Thanksgiving is hard because I’m thinking about all the things I don’t have and I am tempted to cry, “How long, O Lord? How long?” I know I have many things to be thankful for, such as I am a child of the king, I live in the greatest country on Earth, and I do have my family and many great friends.

Sometimes, it’s just hard still.

You could call me ungrateful, and I suppose that could be true to some extent, but it’s something we all struggle with for the most part. We all can easily overlook our blessings, but for the holidays, those going through a real loss can still struggle with that. The things I write of I pray for every night.

This holiday season, through Thanksgiving and Christmas, try to remember those people around you who are grieving. If you know someone who has lost a loved one, do a kind gesture for them. Do something that says you’re thinking of them. Get a gift for a friend or invite them over to do something.

Remember also those less fortunate you don’t even know. Work with a charity this year to provide for someone in need. Provide a Christmas gift for a child who will have nothing this year without one. If you know someone who does care for food, invite them over to Thanksgiving dinner or provide a meal for their family.

This year can be hard for many people struggling and depression and suicide rates can easily go up. Please be remembering those people. For me, this is my first holiday season officially as a divorced person and don’t think it doesn’t come to mind that I proposed on Christmas Eve. It’s easy to tell someone to focus on what they have, but it can be hard as we all know. It’s far better to walk alongside those who are suffering.

Please be a gift to them this holiday season. Maybe they can be thankful in the end you’re in their lives.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Isaac and Rebekkah and Parenting

What was a big mistake in the marriage of Isaac and Rebekkah? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

We’re quite sure Isaac loved Rebekkah. Even when he was lying and saying she was his sister, he was caught in public showing husbandly affection to her. When she was not having children, Isaac prayed for her and she conceived. However, after the children came, that’s when trouble came.

The mistake each of them made was that they each had a favorite. Isaac favored Esau who was into more of the things that would be deemed manly and Rebekkah favored Jacob who was more of a homebody and today we would likely consider a Momma’s Boy. This is always a recipe for disaster.

As someone doing online dating, I wonder when I see women whose profiles say that their children will always be #1. Really? Does that mean that if I married you, your children would come first? Husbands and wives are to love their children, to be sure, but the spouse must come before the children and be the first priority.

As the story progresses, we see where this leads. Jacob becomes a trickster who lives up to his name that means deceiver. He ends up tricking Esau out of his birthright, but then the situation gets worse. He apparently inherited this deception from his mother who not only helped Jacob secure the blessing, she did so by being an accomplice to Jacob in tricking her own husband.

Let’s also mention that Isaac was going blind at the time. Rebekkah decided that she would take advantage of her own husband’s disability and incapacity to see and use it to get her favored son what he wanted and what she wanted for him. Nothing is said here about any love that she has towards Esau. In her mind now, it’s okay to neglect him because she has to make sure that her favorite is taken care of.

Today, the same mistake can be made. If a couple gets married, no matter how many children they have, the children should not become the focus of the marriage. After all, you’re not raising those children to hold on to them forever. You’re going to let them go out into the world at some point. Someday, you are going to have an empty nest and what are you going to do then? Your spouse will be a stranger at that point.

One of the best ways you can actually bless your children is by showing a deep love for your spouse. Don’t be afraid to kiss in front of them or show affection and when they get older and you send them to their grandparents for date night and the older kids know what that means, that’s okay. What you are doing in this is modeling a biblical marriage for your children where they will learn how to love their future spouse and how to be loved by their future spouse.

Kids are a gift, but don’t let them become a means of separation and that can easily happen by making them the focus. They are to be a focus, but your first duty in marriage is to your spouse. Don’t replace them.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

 

Oprah Winfrey on Divorce

What do I think of Oprah’s message on divorce? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

We have been going through the story of the Bible to see what it says on divorce and marriage, but I’m going to interrupt that again to talk about Oprah some. Oprah recently interviewed the popular singer Adele. I didn’t bother watching because I don’t care for Oprah or Adele, but I did see Rebecca McLaughlin share a tweet about what happened in this interview.

Yes. What a great message this is. Women. If you are not 100% happy in your marriage, then you need to know you can get a divorce.

I can’t imagine that her husband feels the same way. Of course, I did see something that indicates he might have got a lot of money from the deal, but that might not matter. Many of us would gladly give up money to get love.

The couple also has one child together, a son named Angelo, who was born before the couple even married, big surprise there. As of now, Angelo is nine. The couple married in 2016 and divorced in 2019.

However, here a few lines from this interview about the divorce. See if you notice any common theme.

“I was just going through the motions and I wasn’t happy,” she told journalist Abby Aguirre.

“Neither of us hurt each other or anything like that. It was just: I want my son to see me really love, and be loved,” she continued. “It’s really important to me I’ve been on my journey to find my true happiness ever since.”

“Meanwhile, she told Giles Hattersley in British Vogue that she and Konecki “kept their split “to ourselves for a very long time. “We had to take our time because there was a child involved. I’d trust him with my life. I definitely chose the perfect person to have my child with. That – after making a lot of knee-jerk reactions — is one of my proudest things I’ve ever done,” she explained.”

“That said, Adele has had a hard time reconciling the fact that their divorce affected their son. “If I can reach the reason why I left, which was the pursuit of my own happiness, even though it made Angelo really unhappy — if I can find that happiness and he sees me in that happiness, then maybe I’ll be able to forgive myself for it,” she said of the family dynamic.”

It’s not hard to miss the common theme. I, myself, me, etc. Adele is all about what she wants here. The last quote is the saddest. Angelo is unhappy. The child is the worst victim in all of this and many children of divorce grow up to blame themselves for it. In what could be some self-realization, at least Adele seems to have some clue that she did something wrong, well if he can eventually come to see her as being happy, then all will be okay. After all, he needs to see her being loved.

Oh sure. She wants him to see her really love, but she hasn’t done a great start by destroying her own first marriage. If anything, she has sent Angelo a powerful message. Love is temporary. You can’t put your total trust in anyone. People will break your heart. Marriage is not meant to be a lifelong covenant. The focus of marriage is supposed to be your happiness.

If Angelo can’t even trust his own mother, who can he trust?

Now Oprah instead looks at this and sees this as an empowering message for women. Here you go women! Here’s your power! If your man isn’t making you 100% happy, then by golly, go ahead and destroy that relationship because the purpose of the man in marriage is to make you happy and the reason you marry a man is to make you happy.

Now to some extent, we do marry for our happiness. However, it is a different happiness. We are happy making the other person happy. We marry not just so we can be loved by the other person, which is a gift indeed, but so that we can love the other person.

Also, unless you’re talking about Jesus Christ, no one can make you 100% happy and when we are not 100% happy in Jesus, the flaw is not in Him. It is in us. If Adele was not happy, she should have asked herself “Why am I not happy?” She could have instead gone on to ask “What can I do to make my husband and son happy?” and found joy in that. She instead said “I don’t care about your happiness. I only care about my own.”

The article states that she is dating Lebron James’s agent, Rich Paul, now. If Rich is a smart man, he will leave right now. If she did it to her first husband, there’s no reason to think she won’t do it to you. Adele has already shown she is all about her and believe it or not, really passionate sex, while good, is not going to seal the deal on a covenant. If anything, both people could just be using each other. I can’t speak for Rich since I don’t know anything about him, but I think we’ve already seen what Adele is like.

Speaking as a man wrongfully divorced, I can easily say Oprah’s message is a horrible message. It does not empower women one bit. If anything, it makes them more victims. Oprah is telling them that their happiness is dependent on the man that they are married to. Why can’t they find happiness in how they love that man more? Sure, the man is to bring her happiness and a good man will want to, but if a woman is not happy, the first person to look at is herself.

Please keep in mind I am having in mind a normal marriage here also. A  marriage involving abuse and infidelity is a completely different animal. There are cases of rightful divorce. I was told before that I could have easily filed for divorce. Even an Orthodox priest told me that. In my case, it was my ex-wife who filed for the divorce.

No one should listen to Oprah on anything related to morality. Actually, we could cut out “related to morality” and it would still be a true sentence. Unfortunately, Oprah is the high priest of our culture and having a lasting impact on it. What she says here fits in just fine with an anti-family agenda that many people have today.

Oprah is creating more narcissistic women like Adele. These women might be able to provide men temporary joy in sexual passion, but they sure won’t be the wives that they will find joy in. They sure won’t be the mothers that their sons and daughters can admire. Sons won’t want to marry a woman like their Mom and daughters won’t want to be like their Mom, at least let’s hope they won’t!

It is often said that if you want change, be the change. Now that would be an empowering message for women. Tell women they have the power to bring joy and happiness into a marriage even if it seems dead. They have the power to fight for the promise that they made to their spouse and to show their children what a loving family is to be like. If a woman leaves a husband just because of her own happiness though, it will happen again with the next guy. Marriage is not about living for yourself. It is about dying to yourself and living for the good of those beyond yourself.

Men. Stay away from Adele and women like her. Women. Don’t be like her and don’t bother listening to Oprah please. There are plenty of good and godly women you can listen to instead. Show Oprah and Adele what real women are supposed to be like and how they are truly powerful.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

 

The Comfort of Isaac

What can a woman do for a man? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

There’s a striking line in the text when Rebekkah comes to see Isaac. Rebekkah does not know who Isaac is and sees a man off in the distance and is told that this is her new husband. She puts on her veil and then goes to see her new husband.

At this point in the story, Sarah has died and Isaac is grieving her loss. When he sees Rebekkah, he takes her into his mother’s tent and there, she becomes his wife. (Yes. We all know how that happens.) The text then tells us that Isaac loved her and he was comforted after his mother’s death.

Comfort.

Have you ever considered this as a purpose of marriage?

If you have, you might have thought that was for the women. A woman loves to be comforted. Right? Well, so does a man. A man just has a different way of being comforted than a woman does. A woman might want to talk or have someone hold her. A man will like to take action.

One way a man is comforted by his wife is indeed through sex. This is a way that a man gets some validation in his life as the woman tells him that he is her man and she chooses him above all others. This is also why an affair can be super hurtful for a man. It tells the man that he is seen as less than adequate. He does not meet the needs of the woman in his life. He has failed as a man.

As one going through divorce, yes, I have experienced all of that. It stings.

Thankfully, Rebekkah is not like that, and we know it’s not because they had a perfect marriage. As we go through the story, we will find that there can often be great turmoil between Isaac and Rebekkah. For example, when they have kids, they make the mistake of choosing favorites. This puts them against one another to an extent and the kids against one another. Rebekkah especially deceives her own husband for the blessing of her favorite, Jacob.

Yet to their credit, they don’t split. Divorce is not an option in the book of Genesis at least. Abraham stays with Sarah till the end. Rebekkah stays with Isaac. Jacob stays with Rachel and Leah both. Hey. At least there’s one way the patriarchs didn’t screw things up entirely.

However, think about this when you read this passage. A woman can be a great source of comfort to a man. This is also more than just sex. I think it’s noteworthy that the idea comes that after Isaac loves Rebekkah, he is comforted. Many a man wants someone in his life to treasure and adore. When I was married, it meant more to me to buy a gift for my wife than it did for me to buy something for myself. Getting to love someone like that was its own reward.

Ladies. Please realize in the life of your man, you can be a great comfort. The way you are with your man, you can make his life a picture of heaven that he will cherish, or a picture of hell that he will suffer with. It’s his choice how he sees things, but it’s yours what you will give.

Try to give him Heaven. You could be a great comfort if you do.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

A Wife For Isaac

How did Isaac get a wife? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Isaac is coming to the time in his life where he needs to get married. After all, Isaac has some responsibility. He is to carry on the family line since he has to fulfill the promise of God. Abraham having Isaac through Sarah was the first step. The promise won’t come to fruition unless a wife is sought for Isaac.

So then, Abraham sends his servant Eliezer to fetch a wife for Isaac so Isaac won’t marry a Canaanite. Now often there is much joking online about the biblical method of finding a wife and one such method is to do what Eliezer did. Unfortunately, I’m sure there are many internet atheists that think that this could be a normative case.

Eliezer’s example is not meant to be that. He just knew that this could not be something casually done. It was a serious endeavor and he knew that God was intimately involved in the life of Abraham and so he figured that God would be just as involved in what would happen with the son of Abraham. Thus, Eliezer sits down at a well and asks for something to set this lady apart.

He also says nothing about the appearance of the lady. It’s nothing like, “When a totally hot babe comes by that knocks my socks off, I will know this is the one for Isaac.” I’m sure Rebekkah was likely a beautiful woman, but what he asks for is a demonstration of her character. Hospitality was to be expected to strangers in the culture of the time, but this was more than hospitality. This was a lady who was willing to give water to Eliezer’s camels.

Do you know how much a camel can drink?

I even just now looked it up as I hadn’t thought about that and many sources are saying at least 100 liters of water can be drunk at one time. How many times did Rebekkah have to refill the water jar she had for this stranger to take care of all the camels? It would be quite a lot. That means that Rebekkah is a hard-working woman and one who does show kindness beyond the norm.

At this, Eliezer rejoices and tells the story to Rebekkah of his journey. This is a bit of a shock to us in our culture today. Rebekkah doesn’t even know who Isaac is and yet she is ready to go and commit her whole life to him and be his wife forever? In our hook-up culture, we typically hear of people having sex with people in the evening that they didn’t know in the morning, but how many of us would accept getting married to someone in the evening that you didn’t know in the morning?

We should not expect this for us today. God can work to bring some people together, but we should not expect this for everyone. What we should expect to do though is when we find ourselves in a marriage, that we should work to bring about the good of the other person and thus the good of the marriage. We spend so much time in our culture thinking about the right spouse for us, which to some extent we should, but we rarely think about if we are being the right spouse for someone else.

Maybe we should think about that last one more.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)