Tag: aspergers

Autism Awareness: Nonverbal

How do we communicate? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

There’s an old joke where you tell someone that a deaf and dumb man goes into a hardware store. He makes a fist and pounds the counter. The guy in charge brings him a hammer. The man shakes his head and then takes his fist and hits the top with his other fist. He gets brought some nails. He nods in thanks and leaves. Next, a blind man comes in wanting a pair of scissors. How does he ask for them?

At this point, some people do a motion with their fingers to indicate scissors.

The answer is, “No. He uses his voice and asks for it.”

The question might be different if the blind man was on the spectrum.

There are some people on the spectrum that are incredibly non-verbal. They literally never speak. Some exceptions can occur such as if they are alone with animals or they can type if they are on a computer, but generally, they don’t speak.

I am not one of those, but often I would prefer to not speak if that is possible. This isn’t just around strangers. I can do this around my own family as well. Now there are times when actions do speak louder than words, but there are times when they don’t and you need words to communicate.

This can lead to problems for me sometimes. Let’s suppose I am in the checkout line at the grocery store. I want to indicate to the person in front of me to please get a divider so I can start putting up my groceries or at least move their stuff forward to give me room. This can be a problem as they usually have their back turned to me watching what’s going on in front of them.

Somehow, a mental block comes up in front of me that practically renders me unable to speak. It is exceptionally frustrating. I really don’t know how else to explain it. Picture a time in your life when you are paralyzed with fear and might have known you needed to do something mentally and yet you couldn’t will yourself to move. That is a similar situation.

When I get up there to check out, I will normally prefer not speaking. It is not that I desire to be rude at all. It’s just I prefer to not have to speak if I don’t want to. This will also get us into something in another post that I can’t stand on the spectrum, small talk. I’ve already stated that I hate the question “How are you?” which usually starts such conversations.

Do I know a solution to this? No. I am also not justifying it. I am just saying it is what it is. If you meet someone who seems to be unusually quiet, please consider they may be on the spectrum.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

Autism Awareness Greetings

How do I respond when you approach? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Last time, I wrote about not knowing people so when they come up to talk to me, I don’t really know what to expect. Immediately, my mind starts racing with all kinds of social rules as I try to figure out what I should or shouldn’t do. I can relate to Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory as he tries to follow rules of social protocol. “I ask you how you are every morning even though I don’t really care.”

Being somewhat in the public eye, it can be concerning if someone knows me and I don’t know them. I have reached the point where I now can manage to ask someone to refresh my memory. If I have to wear a name tag, that makes it even more difficult on me as I am thinking, “Do you know my name because you can read or because you really know me?”

One of the worst parts of a greeting in my world is when someone asks the question that I hate so much and dread getting every time. “How are you?” Let’s suppose I’m not doing good that time. Do I want a question to remind me of that? Perhaps I had been getting in a better mood and someone asks something that I naturally will look internally with and return to a depressive state.

This question is so bad to me that nowadays, I choose to remain absolutely silent to it. I also think it’s really a fake question because I suspect the majority of people who ask it don’t even really care. I remember being at my job one day and bending down to put stuff in my locker when a manager walked by and asked “How are you?” and just kept walking before I could say anything. My mind is immediately thinking, “If you don’t really care, don’t really ask.”

The exception to this is if I know the question is about a specific situation. Some of my friends know I’m going through a rather strange period of my life right now and when one of them calls and asks “How are you doing?” I know exactly what they’re talking about and I tell them.

What greeting would I prefer? A simple “Hi” or “Hello” works just fine. Now keep in mind being on the spectrum, I might not say hi back. I might smile or nod or something nonverbal. I plan on getting into nonverbal communication before too long, but it is one way I do respond to communication, especially if I am nervous to some extent around the person.

If someone doesn’t respond to your greeting as you respect, sure, there’s a chance they’re rude, but maybe they’re not. Maybe they’re on the spectrum and don’t know what to say and could be intimidated to some extent. Please keep this in mind. Also, if you’re a church greeter and you know someone is on the spectrum, it could be good to find out how they would prefer you interact with them in that capacity if at all.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

You Don’t Know Me

How do we react around strangers? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Often times, those of us on the Autism spectrum are considered to be rude. Of course, we can be rude, but sometimes when we are called rude, we are not at all intending to be rude. It is just a case of how we don’t know for sure how to act.

Have you ever seen a scene from The Good Doctor where the autistic surgeon on there has all these drawings and images going on in his head? For myself personally, I can have the same kind of phenomenon. When a stranger comes up to me and tries to talk to me, my mind immediately goes to the question of what kind of social protocol is it that I am supposed to follow here.

Usually, that means staying quiet as much as possible. I will have more to say on being quiet in another blog post. You can expect that in many cases, I will communicate non-verbally when possible.

This can also happen online. Generally as a rule, if you message me on Facebook and I don’t know you and you’re just asking the general questions like “How are you?” (I hate that question with a passion as a casual greeting and I plan on writing on that later) I will not answer you. If I go somewhere and someone is extraverted around me, it is frightening. If you are the same way online, that is also frightening.

So if that’s the case, how do you get to know someone on the spectrum?

Usually, you have to know what really gets us excited and talk about that. You could come up to me and talk about apologetics, video games, certain TV shows, etc. If you can demonstrate we have a common interest, I am much more likely to communicate.

In a way, picture it like if you were in a situation where someone came up to you who you thought could be a threat. You could have a multiplicity of scenarios going on in your head. It could include a physical response, running, playing casual, grabbing an item nearby to use as a weapon, pressing an emergency alert button on your phone, etc.

For me, this is similar to what I go through every time I meet someone I don’t know. Now in some situations, it could be more controlled. If I have been at a church and just given a talk and people come up to me after with questions, it is an environment where I know what I can expect and it is much easier. The casual conversation setting is the one that I dread.

Keep this in mind when you encounter someone on the spectrum. If someone starts acting in a similar way around you you don’t know, they could be on the spectrum. Again, I also want to stress that this might not be the same with everyone, but it is certainly my experience.

Next week, we will hopefully look at more of the world of Autism.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

Autism Awareness Month Introduction

What does this month mean? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

This month is Autism Awareness Month so I would like to contribute much of this month to what it’s like to be a Christian apologist on the spectrum. I could hold off on any other posts, including book plunges, until next month. It all depends on how the month goes.

While I am writing from personal experience, I am not a psychologist or a doctor or something of that sort. My experience is my own. Please do not assume that because this is the way that I am, this is the way that someone else on the spectrum will be.

I do say this is the experience of an apologist on the spectrum, but not everything in my life is apologetics. I will tell how I relate to other areas in my life. How do I relate to the people around me, including friends and family? How do I respond to people I don’t know? What about my personal hobbies apart from doing apologetics?

I also want to stress that I am listed as high-functioning. There are plenty of people on the spectrum that are what we call non-verbal. As someone who has done live debates and talks on the subject of Christianity, I am definitely not one of them.

I also need to point out that we live in a victim culture. People seem to delight in being victims. I do give advice on how people who care can do matters differently, but I am not trying to demand that all of society change to meet my needs. That is not realistic.

Not only that, but I have consistently refused to be a victim. I believe in being an overcomer more than in being a victim of those around me. I do realize that some people need special care and that is something different.

Also, I am considering doing YouTube videos on this this month. Keep in mind that where I am at now, my microphone and webcam are not hooked up yet so it is my plan to just use my phone. I have never done that before, so we will see how it goes. The other option is if someone wanted to do Zoom interviews with me on this, and yes, I am available for podcasts this month.

I look forward to how this month will go. We’ll see what all we can cover. I hope you’ll walk out with a new appreciation of the world of Autism and Aspergers.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

Is Christianity Bad For Aspergers?

Do Aspies get a major disadvantage? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I came across this post recently. I will grant it is an older post and one that a lot of people probably didn’t see, but it is raising concerns that I think need to be addressed. That’s on whether Christianity is bad for Aspergers.

The author, Corbin Croy, says that he is not formally diagnosed, but the diagnosis would make sense, and he is by no means an expert. From here, he goes on to list some problems with Christianity and Aspergers. It is clear he has some education in historical matters, but seems too caught up in modern phenomena of Christianity.

The first is that Christianity is too gesture oriented and not critically grounded. Croy points to events like altar calls and being slain in the Spirit. Part of the problem with the argument is that Croy never defines a gesture. Is a gesture any act on God’s part? If so, well it’s obvious God has to act at a certain point for Christianity to be true and it would be bizarre to think God has to keep doing that same event over and over again.

I have never found a problem with what Croy calls indirect communication with this. I can read the Gospels like most any other history and I can gather such information from the epistles as well. Croy makes much of how God speaks today, but I think this is largely a western problem that we have. We think we are so great that surely God must communicate with us directly today or God must speak in a clear way that modern 21st century Westerners can understand.

So on this first point, I am puzzled by what Croy means.

The second is a lack of freedom and again, I find it puzzling. Croy says Aspie memories are unreliable, but I find this odd. I consider my memory more reliable than that of many other people. Croy also says that Aspies can struggle to express themselves and that there is a lot of bickering and power plays going on in the church.

That’s not really an Aspie problem. That’s a human problem.

I hate to say it, but if any of us on the spectrum or off feel like we can’t speak or anything of that sort, that is a problem within us. We are responsible for our own feelings. No one else is. Despite what you think, no one can make you feel anything. If you have certain difficulties whether it be from Aspergers or anything else, it is up to you to deal with them. You can get help from others, naturally, but you own the responsibility.

At the same time, freedom is still not defined. Freedom doesn’t mean you can do anything you want. I can’t say, “I have Christian freedom, so I am going to sleep with every girl I can in my apartment complex.” Freedom means I am no longer under a penalty and I can behave the way that I ought without owing any debt.

Finally, Croy says Christianity has no fail-safe. Again, he doesn’t define this. If he means what to do if Christianity is false, of course we don’t have that because we do not think it is false. The only option we have is let us eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.

He also says Christianity has this idea called faith. He never defines it and it looks like he could mean more what Richard Dawkins means by it as just belief, and blind belief at that, instead of trust in what has been shown to be reliable. Croy’s whole argument here is confusing. He never really explains what he means by terms and acts like his experience is universal.

Christianity is hard for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad for everyone. The most worthwhile and good things we will ever do are hard. Being on the spectrum can be hard, but life itself can also be hard. Sadly, Croy has some challenges for himself, but I don’t think they’re because of Christianity per se. It could be more because of Western thinking instead of Christianity.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Do You Want To Get Well?

Do you really want healing? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

When we read John 5, we read the story about a man at the pool of Bethesda wanting to be healed by being put in the water. Jesus asks him if he wants to get well. The man says he wants to, but every time the water starts up, someone gets in before him. Jesus heals him at that point.

Now I know skeptical readers of my blog will think that event never happened, but that doesn’t matter right now. I want to focus on something else. That question Jesus asks can seem surprising. Do you want to get well? Of course, he wants to get well! Right?

Maybe not.

Sometimes, we talk about the problem of evil and personal suffering with sickness of some kind, be it mental or physical. Now most of us would say we want to get better if we have something, but do we really want to get better? The reality is that sometimes we do not want to get better. Some people base an identity around their sickness.

“Whoa, Nick. Hold on a second. I have an email from you and in your email you say you’re an Aspie. Aren’t you identifying with your condition?”

Yes. I am. I also would not take a cure if I were offered one because I think the condition has a lot of strengths to it that I don’t want to risk losing. However, I don’t speak about Aspergers saying “Woe is me!” Instead, I speak about it saying, “Yes. I have this condition, but I choose to overcome the deficiencies and live a successful life.”

Not all people do that.

Sometimes it has been said that happiness is a choice, but do we really want to be happy? If we do, we need to realize that means letting our guard down many times and not having control of our lives given to others who don’t deserve that control. Some people don’t really want that.

In some ways, when we do that, we are holding the universe hostage, or at least trying to. “I won’t be happy unless XYZ is going on in my life.” Make it whatever you want. It could be a great marriage, a great career, great kids, your sex life, the health of yourself or others, or any combination thereof.

Perhaps we should really ask what does it take to make us happy? If we are Christians, do we truly need anything besides Jesus Christ for our joy? Now when I say that, this isn’t to say that other aspects of life shouldn’t bring us joy or can’t. Many of the items mentioned above are great for bringing joy. However, picture any of them and ask “If you lost that and you still had Jesus, could you have joy?”

This isn’t to say you wouldn’t mourn what you lost. There is a place for sadness and mourning. We are told to weep and mourn with those who weep and mourn. We’re not told to just say “Cheer up and get over it.” There are real realities to mourn. Jesus Himself wept at the graveside of Lazarus, even knowing what He was going to do.

But if we say that we refuse happiness unless we have anything else in our lives, then we are putting ourselves in our own prison. If Jesus asked us “Do you want to be well?” our answer could very well be, “No.” It might seem like a simple question, but sometimes those are the best ones to start with. If you are not having joy in your life right now, well why not?

Whatever it is that you’re lacking in your mind, do you have to have it? I am not saying it wouldn’t be nice if you did, but is it essential for your joy? If it isn’t, then what is? If it is, then you are making your joy dependent on that and do you really want to do that?

This doesn’t mean also you try this path alone. There’s nothing wrong with seeking out a good therapist and good friends. Recovery from some matters is not easy. If it is physical health, you can still have joy. My friend, Ed Komoszewski, has a virus that has been rampaging his body for years and causes great pain, but talking to him you’d never know it. He’s got a lot of joy. It’s not easy, but he has it.

If we complain about evil, let’s make sure it’s not of our own making. Suffering has very little to do with what actually happens to you. How you respond to it personally makes up most of the suffering that you go through. What happens to you is usually not in your control. What you do in response usually is.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)