Tag: autism

Autism Awareness: Touch

Should this be a hands-on situation? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

It might sound like a shock to you, but one of my love languages I think is touch. However, that only really applies in a romantic relationship. If it is any other kind of relationship, touch is intrusive and I don’t really care for it. I need to know someone before I can feel comfortable with their touch.

Touch is passing a boundary. It is becoming more real than before and it is an uncomfortable sensation at times, especially if you’re not expecting it. If someone wants to pray for me in a church service and suddenly puts their hand on my shoulder even, I am not thinking about the prayer but instead internally saying “Please move your hand. Please move your hand. Please move your hand.”

This doesn’t apply to just strangers. With my own family, I can tend to accept it, but it’s not my favorite thing. If my mother didn’t think I had done a good job shaving in the morning and wanted to show me where and got her finger and started touching specific parts of my face, I would recoil every time.

Another kind of touch I hate and this no one gets to do is to take off my glasses from me. Again, I can’t explain why that is, but if someone takes off my glasses or puts them on me, it is highly intrusive. If I went to a doctor and he needed to look into my eyes, I wouldn’t let him take my glasses off. I would do it myself.

In a romantic relationship, I seem to connect that touch to love a lot easier and I can enjoy that kind of touch. That kind of touch is also in its own way, exclusive. No one else gets to give touches like that to me.

This is coming from someone who is high-functioning. Now picture it coming from someone who is not like that. How will they react to a touch?

Let’s take this over to a church service. As much as I think Corona is overblown, I am certainly appreciative of one aspect. Greeting time has gone out the window. No one is coming over to shake my hand that I don’t know. That was always the part of the service I liked the least.

If you’re dealing with someone on the spectrum, be very careful about touch. Actually, that’s a good piece of advice for anyone since there are plenty of people not on the spectrum who are not crazy about touches from people they don’t know. Just because they allow you to touch them doesn’t mean that they are liking it. If you do get to the point of touch however and it is welcomed, then you have crossed a huge boundary and you can personally celebrate that.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

Autism Awareness: Interests

How do you get someone interested in something? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Generally, I have heard it said on the spectrum we approach topics in two ways. We either have no interest in them whatsoever, or we have full-blown obsession. If I get into something, I really get into it, and if I don’t care, then I just don’t care.

I’m thinking about this today since yesterday a group on Facebook I’m in had a mother asking how to get her son interested in history. I recommended to try to connect it with something else that he does enjoy. For example, even if I didn’t care for history, I think as a gamer I would very much enjoy Gaming Historian to learn about the history of some of my favorite video games.

There are a number of TV shows that my Dad started watching before I did. Three that come to mind immediately are the Batman series with Adam West, Cheers, and Smallville. Today, I know more about each of those shows than he does. He grew up watching Batman and I’m the one that can tell him most everything about every episode. I can quote various scenes from Cheers and as for Smallville, let’s just say there was a time in my life when I had every episode title memorized in order, and there were over 200 of them. Sure, they all had one word in them, but still….

This is one reason that if you want to get into the world of someone on the spectrum, it’s always good to find out what they care about. At the same time, if you’re not really interested in something, don’t fake it. We don’t like fake people. If you don’t really like something like Smallville, don’t act like you do around me.

This also means when it does come to something like gaming, that generally I will try to do the best that I can. It’s part of the obsessive thinking. This is also a great help to me in apologetics as once again, I want to do the best that I can.

The downside is sometimes a person can get tunnel vision with this. If we’re in conversation, we can get super excited about something not realizing that people around us just don’t care. I have to watch myself in a Bible study group. I can easily become dominant in a setting like this because I have so much and I think it just has to be shared.

So if you meet someone on the spectrum and you get them talking about their interests, expect to hear all about them. If you think the communication needs to be corrected, be gentle. The last thing you want to do is really silence someone on the spectrum or tell them their interests don’t matter.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

Autism Awareness Small Talk

What makes conversation so difficult? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

One of the rules you notice of social etiquette is everyone is supposed to engage in conversation about nothing in particular, such as talking about weather or things of that sort. In essence, you are supposed to talk about things you don’t care about just to make conversation. For someone on the spectrum, this is something that I can’t stand.

Remember Joe Friday? One of the statements he was famous for was “Just the facts.” That’s the way I find I think on the spectrum. I just want to discuss the subject data. Time is valuable and I want to use it the best I can in conversation. Having small talk is just often seen as entirely fake.

If anything, on the spectrum, it will leave me suspicious of you. Why are you asking all these personal questions? What are you trying to find out? You really become much more of a threat to me when you engage in small talk as I don’t know where you’re going. If you engage in real conversation about real matters, I know what we’re talking about and that’s fine.

Small talk is something that to someone like myself serves no real purpose. It’s really a show. Now there could be some exception if I meet someone who I already know well and we can just chit-chat, but if I don’t know you, it’s something that does produce anxiety.

This also applies to Facebook and I know others not on the spectrum who have the same kind of rule. If I accept your friend request and you immediately message me with a lot of small talk, do not expect me to engage with you. I need to know who you are and what you are messaging me about before I will respond to you.

The best way to talk to someone on the spectrum usually is to find out what they’re interested in and talk about that. It might take talking to someone outside of them to find out, like a friend or family member, but if you find out that person will likely be more open to talking to you. If you come up to us engaging in small talk, it’s like you’re prying us for information and we don’t know where you’re going with it.

Along those lines, I do have plans to write something about how we approach our interests as well. That’s another important aspect to keep in mind when talking to someone on the spectrum. Keep in mind also, we don’t care for fake people. If you’re not really interested, don’t act like you are.

So the tip for today? Avoid small talk. Just get to the point of the conversation. I don’t even like to have small talk with my own family. It’s even worse with a stranger.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

Autism Awareness: Nonverbal

How do we communicate? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

There’s an old joke where you tell someone that a deaf and dumb man goes into a hardware store. He makes a fist and pounds the counter. The guy in charge brings him a hammer. The man shakes his head and then takes his fist and hits the top with his other fist. He gets brought some nails. He nods in thanks and leaves. Next, a blind man comes in wanting a pair of scissors. How does he ask for them?

At this point, some people do a motion with their fingers to indicate scissors.

The answer is, “No. He uses his voice and asks for it.”

The question might be different if the blind man was on the spectrum.

There are some people on the spectrum that are incredibly non-verbal. They literally never speak. Some exceptions can occur such as if they are alone with animals or they can type if they are on a computer, but generally, they don’t speak.

I am not one of those, but often I would prefer to not speak if that is possible. This isn’t just around strangers. I can do this around my own family as well. Now there are times when actions do speak louder than words, but there are times when they don’t and you need words to communicate.

This can lead to problems for me sometimes. Let’s suppose I am in the checkout line at the grocery store. I want to indicate to the person in front of me to please get a divider so I can start putting up my groceries or at least move their stuff forward to give me room. This can be a problem as they usually have their back turned to me watching what’s going on in front of them.

Somehow, a mental block comes up in front of me that practically renders me unable to speak. It is exceptionally frustrating. I really don’t know how else to explain it. Picture a time in your life when you are paralyzed with fear and might have known you needed to do something mentally and yet you couldn’t will yourself to move. That is a similar situation.

When I get up there to check out, I will normally prefer not speaking. It is not that I desire to be rude at all. It’s just I prefer to not have to speak if I don’t want to. This will also get us into something in another post that I can’t stand on the spectrum, small talk. I’ve already stated that I hate the question “How are you?” which usually starts such conversations.

Do I know a solution to this? No. I am also not justifying it. I am just saying it is what it is. If you meet someone who seems to be unusually quiet, please consider they may be on the spectrum.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

Autism Awareness Greetings

How do I respond when you approach? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Last time, I wrote about not knowing people so when they come up to talk to me, I don’t really know what to expect. Immediately, my mind starts racing with all kinds of social rules as I try to figure out what I should or shouldn’t do. I can relate to Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory as he tries to follow rules of social protocol. “I ask you how you are every morning even though I don’t really care.”

Being somewhat in the public eye, it can be concerning if someone knows me and I don’t know them. I have reached the point where I now can manage to ask someone to refresh my memory. If I have to wear a name tag, that makes it even more difficult on me as I am thinking, “Do you know my name because you can read or because you really know me?”

One of the worst parts of a greeting in my world is when someone asks the question that I hate so much and dread getting every time. “How are you?” Let’s suppose I’m not doing good that time. Do I want a question to remind me of that? Perhaps I had been getting in a better mood and someone asks something that I naturally will look internally with and return to a depressive state.

This question is so bad to me that nowadays, I choose to remain absolutely silent to it. I also think it’s really a fake question because I suspect the majority of people who ask it don’t even really care. I remember being at my job one day and bending down to put stuff in my locker when a manager walked by and asked “How are you?” and just kept walking before I could say anything. My mind is immediately thinking, “If you don’t really care, don’t really ask.”

The exception to this is if I know the question is about a specific situation. Some of my friends know I’m going through a rather strange period of my life right now and when one of them calls and asks “How are you doing?” I know exactly what they’re talking about and I tell them.

What greeting would I prefer? A simple “Hi” or “Hello” works just fine. Now keep in mind being on the spectrum, I might not say hi back. I might smile or nod or something nonverbal. I plan on getting into nonverbal communication before too long, but it is one way I do respond to communication, especially if I am nervous to some extent around the person.

If someone doesn’t respond to your greeting as you respect, sure, there’s a chance they’re rude, but maybe they’re not. Maybe they’re on the spectrum and don’t know what to say and could be intimidated to some extent. Please keep this in mind. Also, if you’re a church greeter and you know someone is on the spectrum, it could be good to find out how they would prefer you interact with them in that capacity if at all.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

You Don’t Know Me

How do we react around strangers? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Often times, those of us on the Autism spectrum are considered to be rude. Of course, we can be rude, but sometimes when we are called rude, we are not at all intending to be rude. It is just a case of how we don’t know for sure how to act.

Have you ever seen a scene from The Good Doctor where the autistic surgeon on there has all these drawings and images going on in his head? For myself personally, I can have the same kind of phenomenon. When a stranger comes up to me and tries to talk to me, my mind immediately goes to the question of what kind of social protocol is it that I am supposed to follow here.

Usually, that means staying quiet as much as possible. I will have more to say on being quiet in another blog post. You can expect that in many cases, I will communicate non-verbally when possible.

This can also happen online. Generally as a rule, if you message me on Facebook and I don’t know you and you’re just asking the general questions like “How are you?” (I hate that question with a passion as a casual greeting and I plan on writing on that later) I will not answer you. If I go somewhere and someone is extraverted around me, it is frightening. If you are the same way online, that is also frightening.

So if that’s the case, how do you get to know someone on the spectrum?

Usually, you have to know what really gets us excited and talk about that. You could come up to me and talk about apologetics, video games, certain TV shows, etc. If you can demonstrate we have a common interest, I am much more likely to communicate.

In a way, picture it like if you were in a situation where someone came up to you who you thought could be a threat. You could have a multiplicity of scenarios going on in your head. It could include a physical response, running, playing casual, grabbing an item nearby to use as a weapon, pressing an emergency alert button on your phone, etc.

For me, this is similar to what I go through every time I meet someone I don’t know. Now in some situations, it could be more controlled. If I have been at a church and just given a talk and people come up to me after with questions, it is an environment where I know what I can expect and it is much easier. The casual conversation setting is the one that I dread.

Keep this in mind when you encounter someone on the spectrum. If someone starts acting in a similar way around you you don’t know, they could be on the spectrum. Again, I also want to stress that this might not be the same with everyone, but it is certainly my experience.

Next week, we will hopefully look at more of the world of Autism.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

Autism Awareness Month Introduction

What does this month mean? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

This month is Autism Awareness Month so I would like to contribute much of this month to what it’s like to be a Christian apologist on the spectrum. I could hold off on any other posts, including book plunges, until next month. It all depends on how the month goes.

While I am writing from personal experience, I am not a psychologist or a doctor or something of that sort. My experience is my own. Please do not assume that because this is the way that I am, this is the way that someone else on the spectrum will be.

I do say this is the experience of an apologist on the spectrum, but not everything in my life is apologetics. I will tell how I relate to other areas in my life. How do I relate to the people around me, including friends and family? How do I respond to people I don’t know? What about my personal hobbies apart from doing apologetics?

I also want to stress that I am listed as high-functioning. There are plenty of people on the spectrum that are what we call non-verbal. As someone who has done live debates and talks on the subject of Christianity, I am definitely not one of them.

I also need to point out that we live in a victim culture. People seem to delight in being victims. I do give advice on how people who care can do matters differently, but I am not trying to demand that all of society change to meet my needs. That is not realistic.

Not only that, but I have consistently refused to be a victim. I believe in being an overcomer more than in being a victim of those around me. I do realize that some people need special care and that is something different.

Also, I am considering doing YouTube videos on this this month. Keep in mind that where I am at now, my microphone and webcam are not hooked up yet so it is my plan to just use my phone. I have never done that before, so we will see how it goes. The other option is if someone wanted to do Zoom interviews with me on this, and yes, I am available for podcasts this month.

I look forward to how this month will go. We’ll see what all we can cover. I hope you’ll walk out with a new appreciation of the world of Autism and Aspergers.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)
Support my Patreon here.

Do You Want To Get Well?

Do you really want healing? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

When we read John 5, we read the story about a man at the pool of Bethesda wanting to be healed by being put in the water. Jesus asks him if he wants to get well. The man says he wants to, but every time the water starts up, someone gets in before him. Jesus heals him at that point.

Now I know skeptical readers of my blog will think that event never happened, but that doesn’t matter right now. I want to focus on something else. That question Jesus asks can seem surprising. Do you want to get well? Of course, he wants to get well! Right?

Maybe not.

Sometimes, we talk about the problem of evil and personal suffering with sickness of some kind, be it mental or physical. Now most of us would say we want to get better if we have something, but do we really want to get better? The reality is that sometimes we do not want to get better. Some people base an identity around their sickness.

“Whoa, Nick. Hold on a second. I have an email from you and in your email you say you’re an Aspie. Aren’t you identifying with your condition?”

Yes. I am. I also would not take a cure if I were offered one because I think the condition has a lot of strengths to it that I don’t want to risk losing. However, I don’t speak about Aspergers saying “Woe is me!” Instead, I speak about it saying, “Yes. I have this condition, but I choose to overcome the deficiencies and live a successful life.”

Not all people do that.

Sometimes it has been said that happiness is a choice, but do we really want to be happy? If we do, we need to realize that means letting our guard down many times and not having control of our lives given to others who don’t deserve that control. Some people don’t really want that.

In some ways, when we do that, we are holding the universe hostage, or at least trying to. “I won’t be happy unless XYZ is going on in my life.” Make it whatever you want. It could be a great marriage, a great career, great kids, your sex life, the health of yourself or others, or any combination thereof.

Perhaps we should really ask what does it take to make us happy? If we are Christians, do we truly need anything besides Jesus Christ for our joy? Now when I say that, this isn’t to say that other aspects of life shouldn’t bring us joy or can’t. Many of the items mentioned above are great for bringing joy. However, picture any of them and ask “If you lost that and you still had Jesus, could you have joy?”

This isn’t to say you wouldn’t mourn what you lost. There is a place for sadness and mourning. We are told to weep and mourn with those who weep and mourn. We’re not told to just say “Cheer up and get over it.” There are real realities to mourn. Jesus Himself wept at the graveside of Lazarus, even knowing what He was going to do.

But if we say that we refuse happiness unless we have anything else in our lives, then we are putting ourselves in our own prison. If Jesus asked us “Do you want to be well?” our answer could very well be, “No.” It might seem like a simple question, but sometimes those are the best ones to start with. If you are not having joy in your life right now, well why not?

Whatever it is that you’re lacking in your mind, do you have to have it? I am not saying it wouldn’t be nice if you did, but is it essential for your joy? If it isn’t, then what is? If it is, then you are making your joy dependent on that and do you really want to do that?

This doesn’t mean also you try this path alone. There’s nothing wrong with seeking out a good therapist and good friends. Recovery from some matters is not easy. If it is physical health, you can still have joy. My friend, Ed Komoszewski, has a virus that has been rampaging his body for years and causes great pain, but talking to him you’d never know it. He’s got a lot of joy. It’s not easy, but he has it.

If we complain about evil, let’s make sure it’s not of our own making. Suffering has very little to do with what actually happens to you. How you respond to it personally makes up most of the suffering that you go through. What happens to you is usually not in your control. What you do in response usually is.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)

Deeper Waters Podcast 4/18/2020

What’s coming up?

April is Autism Awareness Month. As an aspie married to an aspie, I am always doing something in April for this month. This month is no exception. Back in January, I was told about an interesting individual I should have on my show for this occasion.

While I am thoroughly Protestant, I have no problem associating with Catholics and Orthodox and hold strongly to a Mere Christianity. This week, I am having on a Catholic priest who very well understands the ins and outs of autism. This is because he himself is an autistic priest. His name is Matthew Schneider and he will be telling us about life as an autistic priest.

So who is he?

According to his bio (Taken from his blog on Patheos):

Jesus loves us. I love Jesus. My name is Fr Matthew P. Schneider, LC I’m a priest with the Legionaries of Christ and Regnum Christi. I try to fulfill our mission of helping people know and experience Jesus, be transformed by him, and become his apostles.

I began working in youth ministry and wrote some of the material for the Conquest and Challenge Clubs but in recent years I have moved away from that. In relation to youth ministry, I wrote the only book on doing 1-on-1 spiritual mentoring with teenagers called Spiritually Mentoring Teenage Boys based on my experience (90% of it probably applies to teen girls too but I don’t have much experience there).

Slowly I’ve become one of the biggest Catholic voices on Twitter with over 50,000 followers.

I’m currently writing my doctoral thesis in Moral Theology through Regina Apostolorum in Rome. On the side, I write some articles for the Regnum Christi site (no byline), post inspirational stuff and Catholic commentary online (including this), help with sacraments at local parishes, and occasionally talk publicly on subjects I discuss here (use the contact form if you want this). I do this while living in the Legionary community in the Philadelphia metro area.

Along with my writing here, I have written for or appeared in at least 65 other media outlets.

  • I have written pieces appearing in the National Catholic Register, America, Crux, Homiletic & Pastoral Review, Aleteia, ZENIT, ChurchPOP, Catholic.net, Ignitium Today, Regnum Christi Live, CatholicismUSA, and Shalom Tidings.
  • My pieces have been featured on New Advent, The National Catholic Register, BigPulpit.com, The Catholic Herald, and Spirit Daily.
  • I have been interviewed on/in the EWTN Nightly News, Catholic News Agency, The Son Rise Morning Show, Crux, Morning Air on Relevant Radio, The Catholic Channel on SiriusXM, EWTN Pro-Life Weekly, EWTN Noticias, The Catholic Herald, Elite Daily, and Kresta in the Afternoon.
  • I or my work has appeared in stories by Catholic News Agency, Crux, the Associated Press, the Huffington Post, Christianity Today, Slate, The Philippine Daily Inquirer, CNN Español, The Washington Post, Elite Daily, BuzzFeed, The Christian Science Monitor, NBC 4 (New York), RT, “On Religion” (syndicated column), LifeNews.com, The Washington Times, CBS News, The Hill, and The Guardian.
  • These lesser-known sources also had me or my work featured in some way: CatholicPhilly.com, March for Life, Grandin Media, UPolitics, The Troubadour (Franciscan University), World Religion News, The Family Research Council, ClevelandPeople.Com, International Badass Activists, Christian Daily, AsumeTech, CathNews USA, The Assyrian International News Agency, Aspie Catholic, The Brown Pelican Society, Macoco TV CHANNEL, Regnum Christi, The Diocese of Madison this week on Relevant Radio, Radio Maria, Iowa Catholic Radio, Sacred Heart Radio, EpicPew, and Upworthy.

So we will have a show with two aspies in ministry, one a Protestant and one a Catholic, talking together about what it’s like. We’ll discuss Matthew’s story and how he got to where he is and what challenged and even blessings there are in being an autistic priest. I hope you’ll be joining us.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Thoughts On Rain Man

What do I think of this film about an autistic man? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Some of you might be surprised to realize that this past weekend was the first time I ever watched Rain Man. My wife and I were looking for a movie on Hulu to watch and she suggested that one, so we did. Now normally when I watch, I’m multitasking, such as being on my phone or on the Switch at the same time, but I was definitely paying attention.

Let’s say something right up at the start. Dustin Hoffman does an incredible job playing the autistic man Raymond. I kept saying that over and over to Allie. His delivery and his mannerisms were excellent.

In the movie, Charlie is set to inherit a large amount of money and wants it, but finds out that it goes to an autistic brother he didn’t know he had. At the start, Charlie is annoyed by his brother. For example, one night, Raymond hears some strange noises coming from Charlie’s room and goes and sits on the bed in there where Charlie and his girlfriend are under the sheets. Yeah. We all know what’s going on. Charlie is completely oblivious to this until his girlfriend says something.

Sadly, the scene ends in anger. Charlie lets Raymond have it and Charlie’s girlfriend decides for the time being there are better men to pursue. This leaves Charlie further irritated with his brother but he wants to put up with him for the money.

He then learns about having to deal with his brother’s mannerisms. If Raymond needs to watch the People’s Court at the same time everyday, then they will watch it at the same time even if that means having to encourage a family of strangers to let them in and turn off the cartoons. Truly Raymond lives in his own world where he’s unaware of the discomfort of those around him by some of his actions.

We also learn that Raymond has an encyclopedic memory as he reads the phone book and tells a lady the next day he meets her phone number. He can also do math in his head. I thought I was really good at that, but Raymond in the movie is far better. This has its advantages when Charlie takes Raymond to Vegas and does some card counting.

Yet in this, something happens over time. Charlie actually grows to love his brother and be an advocate for him. He grows to show love to his brother and at that point, the money doesn’t really matter anymore. He would rather get to spend the time with his brother.

I don’t want to say more about it, but as someone on the spectrum, I really do think this gave an accurate portrayal of someone on the spectrum. Not high-functioning, to be sure, but someone who is on it. I could recognize some of my own extreme thinking in Raymond at times. It made perfect sense when Raymond got paralyzed on a crosswalk as it were because the sign suddenly switched to “Don’t Walk.”

Checking the movie on IMDB, I found it was the highest grossing movie of the year. There’s a reason why. Autism can be a strange world to those who don’t know about it and it’s becoming more and more of a reality as more and more people are learning about autism.

As I say that, I think of my friend Paul Compton who called me one day wondering about how to handle the news that his son had been diagnosed with Aspergers. So many people he said acted like he had received a diagnosis of cancer. I gave a different response. I told him to give thanks. He was going to learn to see the world through a whole new set of eyes. Learning to love the other, the one who is so different from us, always stretches us, but in the end, we are the better for it. At the start, Raymond was not easy to love, but in the end, it was difficult to not love him.

In Christ,
Nick Peters