Tag: Love

It’s Not Your Fault

What is the cause of your suffering? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

My wife and I are part of a group for Christians with Borderline Personality Disorder on Facebook. She has the condition. I don’t, but I am in there to be supportive. Yesterday, I saw a post by someone saying that they were being condemned by their church for having Borderline. They were supposedly making their Borderline an idol and they don’t have enough faith and they need to pray and read Scripture more and similar things. Naturally, if they truly had faith also, they would be healed.

Let’s be clear with some things at the start. We could all bear to pray more and read the Bible more. It also doesn’t hurt to examine ourselves and look for sinfulness in our own lives to work on.

Also, there are times where suffering is your own fault. If you drink alcohol and get in an accident because you were driving drunk, that is your fault. If you smoke all your life and get lung cancer, that is your fault. If you overeat and suffer the effects of obesity, that is your fault.

Yet some things you are born with or born with a predisposition to that are not your fault. A mental illness can be one of those things. While I am sure this is sometimes said to people with diabetes or people in wheelchairs, I am sure it is less often than it is for cases of mental illness, something the church just doesn’t really deal well with.

Mental illness has a stigma around it such that it is even thought to be connected with demonic activity. I do not doubt demons can influence us, but they cannot possess and control us and it’s too easy to blame our problems on a demon instead of realizing it could be something with us. If you have a mental illness, that is not your fault. What you do with the condition is your fault. I have Aspergers. I cannot control that. It is hard to look someone in the eye when I am talking to them, but that is something that I must actively work on.

In the same way, people with Borderline have powerful emotions that seem gripping and controlling. Can they be controlled? Yes. Is that easy? No. It can often require a combination of medication and therapy. It’s the same way with a phobia. One doesn’t just sit down and will through a phobia naturally. It takes concentrated work and effort to overcome it. I am terrified of water and when I get in a swimming pool, it takes a concentrated effort to move where I need to move. It is not bulldozed over.

The church doesn’t help with this when the church demands instant cures. Now, can an instant cure happen? Sure. God can do it if He wants to. I know people who come to Jesus who have addictions like alcohol and drugs and when they convert, they lose their addictions. That can happen. Sometimes, it does not happen. It is foolish and cruel to say the reason someone is suffering is that they don’t have enough faith.

It’s also just bad theology. Sometimes we do suffer for our own sins, as I said. Sometimes we suffer for the sins of others. Sometimes we suffer because this is a fallen world. It is a foolish person who thinks without divine revelation that he can tell you why a certain kind of suffering is taking place like that. We must be very careful whenever we make any sort of claim to speak for God.

What the sufferers often need most is not someone to fix their problems. We should have people who are ready to be good therapists and counselors and work with them, but if you’re not that, don’t try to be one. Here’s something you can be. You can be a listener. You can be a friend.

Try this for the person with mental illness that you know. Pick up a phone and call them. Send them a message on Facebook. Go to their place and visit them. Take them out to eat sometime. Show the other person you’re glad to have them around. Do not do anything to them that indicates that they are a bother. If you think having to deal with someone like that is a bother, it speaks more about you than it does about them.

Many people like this can struggle with thoughts of depression and suicide. How does it help someone like that to pile on to them? Don’t also tell them they’re being selfish or self-centered. In the moment, that is not helpful to them. It only gives them more reason to be depressed and/or suicidal.

Overall, be Jesus to these people. Jesus never turned away people who were truly suffering and in need. He always had the greatest of love for sinners. The people who thought they were alright were the people He had the most problems with. If people don’t think Jesus will accept them, maybe it’s because they’ve met too many people who claim to represent Jesus who haven’t.

I look forward to the day when the church treats mental illness in much the same way they treat physical illness. Of course, some churches are still horrible there, but I think it often gets worse for mental illness. Come alongside those who are suffering. Be a friend and confidant and really listen to them. If you reach out to someone you know with a condition, you never know how much hope that might give them.

You’ll truly be being Jesus to them.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Nine

What’s there to celebrate? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

So for many people, it’s their typical Wednesday. They get up and go to work and come home and see their families and go to bed. For some, it will be different, but for many, today is a day like any other day. I can’t blame them for that. For some people though, there can be something special about a day that to us seems absolutely normal.

For myself and my wife, that day is today. Today, we celebrate nine years of marriage together. On this date nine years ago, we stood at an altar and promised exclusive lifelong commitment to one another. That commitment has been tried and tested a few times, but it is still there.

Marriage is something incredible because by a divine speech-act as it were, something is called into being that wasn’t there before. Allie entered a church one day as Allie Licona and left that church as Allie Peters. I entered the church technically still a bachelor and left a husband.

Over time, love has grown. Now does that mean that the same feelings and excitement are always there like they were at the start? No. Of course not. There is instead something deeper. There is a love that is not dependent on my emotional state. It can lead to strong emotional states at times, but it goes beyond them.

Some people are surprised to hear that marriage is work. How can it be work to love someone? That’s pretty easy to say when the two of you are dating and you’re putting your best foot forward. It’s not as easy when you have to make a budget together, work out who will do the chores, and realize the other person snores and has morning breath sometimes.

In this, I find it helpful to remember that I am also very hard to love. We all are. There are things about us that drive other people around us crazy. (Okay. Sometimes on my end it is intentional.) Allie has to put up with a number of my mannerisms that seem normal to me but can drive her batty. Sometimes, those same idiosyncracies you thought were so cute when you were dating become major annoyances later on.

Yes. Marriage is hard work. Still, it is worthwhile hard work. There is nothing like having someone I can wake up to every morning and when we hit the road to go on another adventure together, and every trip is just that, she is by my side. There is the gift of getting to share your love together which in marriage includes the gift of sexuality and I am constantly amazed when I see my wife that her beauty never gets tiring. Despite her being nine years older, though since I married her young that means right now just 28, she has kept getting more and more beautiful in my eyes.

Everyday, my Princess is to be loved, but today is a day to especially celebrate that love. No. I am not telling what our plans are for the day as I have surprises in store that she does not know about, but that’s okay also because they’re not for you. They’re for my one and only, the lady who still brings a smile to my face.

Happy anniversary Allie! I love you so much!

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Is Love Deserved?

Can someone earn love? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

There is a thought I have been pondering lately about the love of God. When I hear someone complain about the God of the Old Testament and the claims of genocide and such, I always ask what God owes anyone. After all, does God anyone any moment of life whatsoever? God can take anyone’s life and be just in doing so.

What about us today in the times since the New Testament? What are we owed? Necessarily, nothing. The only thing God will have to give us is something that He has promised us, not because we deserve it, but rather because He is a covenant God who keeps His promises.

What about love? We live in a society where love is often conditional, which makes sense since we are fallen human beings. This is a world where too often marriages fall apart. We often have a hard time thinking that there is love that is unconditonal.

There is. This does not mean some sort of universalism where everyone gets accepted into heaven in the end then because God loves everyone. God loves them and respects their choice to want nothing to do with Him in this life and be excluded from the blessings of the covenant. God being loving does not mean a warm sentimentality where everyone gets to feel good about themselves in the end.

This also puts us in a strange position since we are used to earning love. Today, we have to win someone’s heart for their affections. In a sense, this is understandable. After all, you don’t give your heart to just anyone. There are degrees of trust in relationship and love never means putting up with abuse.

With God, it’s vastly different. The love is unconditional. This doesn’t mean we get special privileges for being a Christian either. We can spend ages in the presence of God and we still will not deserve the love of God. After all, that would mean that at some point God owes us His love. He won’t. He doesn’t.

Love from God is always a gift. It is based more on who He is. The idea of Scripture is while we were enemies, God still loved us and gave His Son for us. We can never make up for it. We can never do enough good that it is owed. Love is not ever going to be a debt just as grace and forgiveness aren’t debts.

How this works out on a horizontal level is more difficult, but it is the kind of love that we should strive for. We can often put conditions on love that are needless to make sure that we are protected. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to hurt, but we can be so protective we also cut off love.

But when you pray, please keep in mind that love is not earned. God’s love for you is always a gift. You will never just be so awesome and special that you will deserve the love of God. After all the ages, you will still not deserve the love of God. God will always be giving you a gift in the gift of Himself.

Keep in mind you also never lose the love. The love is always a gift. A gift is not earned. It is freely given. Enjoy the gift.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

What Makes Grace So Amazing?

Why do we call it amazing grace? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

We really don’t understand grace. For many of us, there has to be a catch. No one can be like that. It gets to be a real problem when we talk about whether grace is deserved.

Earlier this week, I wrote an article on this kind of topic. Many of us I think fear being taken advantage of. We fear being in someone else’s debt. We fear having the floor pulled out from under us when we dare give someone else our trust.

In a thread discussing the article I wrote earlier, someone talked about God giving more grace than we deserve. That’s actually a contradiction. If you deserved any of it, it would not be grace. Go to work and do your job and if your employer pays you, you don’t consider that an example of unmerited favor. You gave of yourself, He gives back to you.

Grace is never deserved. Grace is never earned. That’s a contradiction in terms. We really don’t get this today. When it comes to love, we often put so many conditions on it. The wife and husband can say “I love you” but often thought to be secretly implied in that is “Provided you keep doing XYZ or you avoid doing XYZ.” They way the love is expressed can change, but the love should still be there. (This is of course, excepting serious cases like infidelity and abuse. With the former, love can still be there for restoration and with the latter, that is still true, but one must have serious work done to make sure it doesn’t happen again.)

What I have found as a secret to doing this in my own personal walk is to remember the love that I have been shown. God has forgiven me and anything I have done to Him is far worse than anything my fellow man could ever do to me or, dare I say it, anything I could ever do to them. Should I not give that same kind of love and forgiveness? If I do not, am I not being just like the unmerciful servant in the parable of Jesus? If I really believe I have been forgiven of divine treason against God, essentially wishing He was dead so I could sit on the throne, then should I not show forgiveness towards everything else which is petty by comparison?

And yes, all sin is divine treason. When we sin, we deny either or all of the following about God:

His omnipotence because He doesn’t have the power to judge.

His omniscience because He either won’t know about it or doesn’t see how He’s clearly against me and doesn’t have my best interests at heart and doesn’t know what He’s talking about with this sin deal.

His omnipresence because He’s not present to notice the event.

His justice because He either won’t enforce it or He is misusing it.

His love because we have to go against Him to get what is really good.

His eternality because the sin will eventually go away on its own.

I could go on and on. The last one comes to me as well since Lewis said once we have this idea that time will erase wrongs. It won’t. Sometimes I’ll remember things I did wrong even back in Elementary School and it could be tempting to just say “I was young and stupid then,” and that could be true, but I ask forgiveness. There is no expiration date.

Just now, my wife brought in our cat to see me. As I held him, I thought that we’re a lot like him sometimes. Our cat doesn’t really like to be held and is quick to whine when it happens. We can picture him sometimes saying he wishes we would love him less.

We might have to ask if we want God to love us less.

Some of you might wonder why we would want a thing like that.

Because when God loves us, He doesn’t just come and forgive us. That’s a big matter, but it’s just part of it. He comes and does a work on us because He loves us that roots out the very nature that led us to give in to temptation. He does divine surgery, and most of us don’t delight in surgery.

When I was nearly 16, I had scoliosis surgery done or else in a decade, I would be walking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Today, I walk and even run and jump just fine, but back for about a year after the event, I was not like that. I was not lying on a couch thinking it was so awesome that I was given surgery to recover. I was in excruciating pain constantly.

Sometime after that, I went through a time of deep depression. That lasted longer and I consider it far worse. Still, that time was essential for my growth. It made me into the person I am today.

We always have to remember God has a purpose for any suffering that comes into our lives. It will help others, but it’s not just for them. That suffering is for us. If we deny that, we are making a statement to God about how we see Him. This is why we often want Him to love us less really. We’d like to just get forgiveness without the change that comes with it, or if we have the change, please make it an American change that happens pretty much instantly like popcorn fixed in two minutes in the microwave or a problem on a sitcom that is resolved in half an hour.

That’s also because of our fixation with happiness. God will give us happiness in the long run, but the goal at the moment is holiness. It’s God’s love that we must relish in and long for all the more. We must make that love and that desire central. That comes over any family love, any sexual love, any romantic love, and friend love, any love of any kind.

But to get back to grace, it is always unearned. It is always a gift. It is foolish of us to reject the gift because we don’t deserve it. Of course, we don’t! If we did, it wouldn’t be grace. Wouldn’t it be the height of arrogance to go to God and say that He owes us a blessing or forgiveness because of the good that we have done? (And most of us, myself included, have done that.)

This I also find something to keep in mind in suffering. I look at all the good I do have in my life. How much of it do I deserve? The sun comes up and shines on our city every morning. How do I express my thanks? I sit here at the desk in my office looking out the window at a world of vibrant colors and life everywhere outside and a world bigger than any video game or comic book world that I could imagine knowing even more is coming someday than I could ever fathom. What thanks do I give? Do I treat this as if it was a given and expect more? It’s not and I don’t deserve more.

This is why thankfulness is so important to us all. If we could think about the good things we have, I think most of us would have a better mood. There can still be sorrow and sadness, and that’s okay, but could it be we’d have far more joy if we had more thankfulness?

Perhaps we could.

And maybe one of the first things to be thankful for is amazing grace. If you are a Christian, every sin that you have committed is not held against you. You are clear before the throne of God. Think about that.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

The Bachelorette and Pre-Marital Sex

If all sin is forgiven, what makes pre-marital sex such a big deal? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

A friend of mine pointed me to this news story about Bachelorette star Hannah Brown. Brown has been outspoken about her Christian faith this season. Yea! Unfortunately, she has also been outspoken that she engages in pre-marital sex and it’s no big deal. The headline to the story includes the line of “A man does not control anything I do.”

Well, that makes sense. After all, Jesus Christ is a man and she is certainly not listening to Him on this matter. We also know that one of the best ways to resist a man is to have pre-marital sex with him. Obviously, that is just sticking it to the man entirely.

She says in the story that she has pre-marital sex and Jesus still loves her. Yes. That’s true. However, since Jesus also loves Hitler and everyone else on the planet, that’s not really saying much. If anything, this is Brown saying she wants to take advantage of Jesus. She doesn’t care as long as she has His love, which she has by virtue of being a human being.

We can all have love for people who we know are doing things that are wrong. One great example of this for all of us is ourselves. Most of us love ourselves even though we don’t approve of our behavior always. If you are married, your spouse will wrong you sometimes and you hopefully still love them. If not marriage, most any friendship and family relationship will have this.

On the Bachelorette there was a guy named Luke Parker who is a Bible believing Christian. He has the Biblical stance on pre-marital sex and even said he wants to be sent home if he found out Brown had slept with any of the other guys. Guess who the bad guy is in this scenario? Yep. Claims of toxic masculinity have been raised.

Because, you know, it’s totally toxic to say that a woman is worth waiting for and worth a lifelong covenant before you have sex with her. Bad Parker! Be less toxic and sleep with the girl without a lifetime commitment!

What I have said before, and still stand by, is that sexual behavior really demonstrates how you see yourself. Women are really the gatekeepers because the majority of the time, it is the man who is pursuing. This isn’t to say that there aren’t exceptions, but really, it normally doesn’t take much to get a man going.

So if you’re a woman, you have to ask, what does it worth for you to be totally naked to a man and give all of your body to him. Does he just have to show you a really good time? Does he have to date you for a week? A month? A year? Do you have to be engaged to him? Whatever it is, once the threshold is met, then you can give yourself to the guy. The price has been paid as it were.

Here’s the deal. The easier you make it, the more you treat yourself as something common and not worth as much. Does that mean this is a conscious decision? No. Does it mean you automatically realize a degrading of your own self? No. Yet if you haven’t thought about this before, I really urge you to consider it.

Now if you do save this for marriage, then you are going the distance you need to go. You are telling every man that wants to be with you that you are worthy of a lifelong commitment. You are also exclusive with that and won’t give yourself to anyone else.

That also means your relationship with him is different from everyone else. I am a gamer. I love it when my wife plays games with me, but I could just as easily have a male friend come over and do that. My wife loves swimming. I hate it. I can do that with her, but she can just as easily do that with female friends.

What separates our relationship from every other relationship? Well bluntly, we have sex together. That means that I have exclusive rights to her and she has the same with me. I am the only man who has ever had sex with Allie and she is the only woman who has ever had sex with me.

Brown can say all she wants to that she can have sex and Jesus will still love her. As I have said, she is right, but she can also abuse children all she wants to, or anything else. If we are thinking of someone of a more leftist mentality, we could say she could degrade homosexuals and pollute the environment and Jesus would still love her.

The question is if she is loving Jesus. Insofar as she is living a sinful lifestyle, she is not. Am I condemning myself and my fellow Christians some with that? Yep. Our love of Jesus is also lacking in some ways always. None of us love perfectly.

What we have to ask is if we are caring enough about our sin to do something about it. If we are not, then everyone else has all freedom to legitimately question our love for Jesus. It’s necessary in Christianity that Jesus loves us, but the truth of how seriously we take Christianity is how much we love him.

Luke Parker meanwhile is the one who is the hero here and upholding the dignity of women. It’s a strange world where men who think that it’s best to not sleep with women without being married are using women. We need more men like Parker who think a woman is worth a lifetime commitment and he won’t enjoy her sexually until he gives her what she’s worth upfront. Let’s hope more of the women also raise the stakes to that level.

Ladies. Let me also assure you that this will motivate your man to be better. As an Aspie, my parents tried to change my diet for decades with friends working with me, therapists, and everything else. Nothing. Not even close. Allie is married to me for less than a year and she already makes me want to be better. Why? Because of how motivating it is to be with her.

Raise the stakes for your man. You’re worth it and when he pushes himself for you, he’ll think he’s worth it too.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

What Does The Love Of God Mean?

When we say that God loves us, what do we mean? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Love is one of the most meaningless words in the English language. Another one of the most meaningless words in the English language is god. Some of you might be shocked to hear me say both of those. I hope before too long, you’ll actually agree with both of them.

When I speak of something like say, a cat, you have a good idea what I mean. Most of you would probably think of your regular housecat. Some might think of lions and tigers and other animals. You won’t think of a wolf or a fish.

When I speak of a pizza, you also know what I’m talking about. You might have disputes about what kind of pizza it is, such as pepperoni or just cheese or a veggie pizza, but you will get the general idea. The word has some substance to it.

Such is not the case when I speak of god or of love, and god is intentionally lower-case for now. When we say those things, we can say something and totally confuse any other person we’re talking to because they mean something different by them. Let’s start with the idea of what god means.

In my debate with Dan Barker, as some people noted and I agreed, Barker’s god sounds more like Zeus than anything else. He’s a god eager to strike someone down for any wrongdoing and any concept of love and grace was foreign. That’s why the term god is meaningless without some concept. Speak to a Hindu or a new ager or a Muslim or a Mormon and you’ll get radically different ideas when you use the same word god.

So it is with love as well. When we talk about love today, often what we speak of is a feeling for one person. Love can produce feelings and that’s fine. Some people are very feelings oriented. I have great admiration for my own wife in this area in the way she talks about feeling the love of God. For me, that doesn’t often register.

Yet if love means warm feelings, it’s not much. It’s saying “I feel something very special in me because of you.” That’s nice, but the love is not really about the good of the other person as much as it is about the good of the self. Biblically, love is giving to the other for the good of the other and seeking the good of the other for their sake.

1 Corinthians 13 naturally comes to mind. One good exercise to do is when you get to verse 4 and start going through love is patient and other such things, take out the word love as you read it. Put your own name in it. Do you really think you’re saying true statements still? If you’re not, then you have to ask if you’re really loving.

Now if we have the real concept of God, we have someone who is the greatest good, and goodness itself, who loves us. This is not some toting grandfather in the sky who is saying as long as the children are happy. This is a love that wants the very best for us. As Lewis would say, unfortunately, we are far too easily pleased and hold on to things sometimes and get scared of what it would be like to not have them.

It’s not to say you have to give up everything. God gives us many things richly for our enjoyment. What we have to ask is if something is really becoming a hindrance between us and God. Anything that comes before God is not being good for us, no matter how good it might be in itself.

I’m a gamer, and I love playing my games. Still, if God told me that I had to give them up for Him, I would honestly hope that I would do it. I’m not going to tell you it would be easy. I’m not going to tell you I would be thrilled with the thought. I am not going to make a foolish boast and say I would do that in a heartbeat. I’m not so foolish as that. We all know what happened with Peter and his boasting.

But if we’re not willing to sacrifice for the love of God, we have to ask if we really want it. Sometimes, I don’t think we want to be loved by God. If we are loved by God, then we are in danger of being changed by God. When my wife and I attend Celebrate Recovery, sometimes this skit is played by the Skit Guys about this kind of love and it’s really powerful.

But not only that, if we sacrifice anything for God, we are told we will receive 100 times as much in the world to come. This is a promise. God is interested in our happiness and joy, but it might be that we have to go through short-term suffering to get long-term joy and happiness.

If we trust God though, then we need to trust Him with everything in our lives. Note that I don’t think God will call us to give up anything that involves committing a sin in giving it up. If you are in a Christian marriage, God will not call you to give that up. We can also be assured that Abraham is a rare exception and God will not call us to kill our children for Him.

But if we want the love of God, it should be worth it. If we don’t really want it, then we really have a low concept of the God that we are claiming to love. In our day and age, it’s easy to love other things more than God. I really admired it when I heard Peter Kreeft say that sometimes he fears he is a bigger Red Sox fan than he is a Jesus fan.

We could also fear the judgment of God. God will look on us we fear and find something He doesn’t like. This is something odd to fear because God already knows how we are. We’re not going to keep any secrets from Him. He loves us just as we are.

What could you do today to make God love you more? Nothing. What could you do to make Him love you less? Nothing. God will always be seeking your good which is also His good in the long run. It’s not that God has special feelings about you. He has a commitment to you.

That’s what real love is. It’s a commitment. Anyone can be loving when they have good feelings for a person. That’s easy. What’s really loving is when you do the right thing to that person even when you don’t have those feelings and maybe even when the negative feelings are there. Talk to most any married couple and you’ll find there are times they have less than loving feelings towards one another. That’s the time when it’s the most important to be loving, and it’s the most worthwhile.

Seek the love of God today. It’s always there. It’s always been there. It’s always worth pursuing.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

 

Marriage Realities

What really happens in a marriage? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Yesterday, my wife and I were talking about marriage with a couple that has been married over 30 years and them sharing about how sometimes some difficulties are common. I also have a friend who is about to get married. This leads me to thinking about some realities that take place in marriage.

If you ever read a fairy tale, one of the biggest myths you will read is “And they lived happily ever after.” As I think C.S. Lewis said, Prince Charming sometimes had morning breath. You might have joy, but a feeling of happiness will not last forever.

Ultimately, this is a good thing. No one could have such a feeling last forever. It would make it impossible to do anything at all. Picture how it was if you’re married when you first met the love of your life and knew you wanted to be with them forever. When I came home from mine and Allie’s first night, my roommate was convinced that a wedding chapel would have to be booked soon and our love for each other was openly displayed all over the internet.

Those feelings do fade, and again, that’s not bad. They get replaced with something deeper. Many times, you have a great love for your spouse that you can feel. Sometimes, they honestly get on your nerves and you’re extremely irritated with them. Marriage is made in heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.

So what are some realities?

First, let’s go back to that Prince Charming bit. Not only will he have morning breath, but he will burp and make many other noises that are very unpleasant to the wife. She could be tempted to smother him at night with a pillow if he happens to snore loudly.

Second, you will get into arguments. It happens. These are usually over sex, money, and in-laws. Take money. Normally in a marriage. One is a spender and one is a saver. Those two often clash. With sex, one person usually has a higher drive than others. Pastor Mark Gungor gave a talk once about that and said “Some of you guys are married to high drive wives. They can’t get enough. To all you men like that, I speak on behalf of all other men when I say ‘We hate you.’ ”

If you go into marriage thinking you’re automatically going to be having sex constantly and walking around naked all the time, you will be disappointed. That won’t even happen on the honeymoon. After all, guys especially need some time to recharge.

Many disagreements will be over stupid stuff. It will be about how toilet paper goes on the roll or how you squeeze the toothpaste tube or other mundane things. There will be disagreements on how the dishes should be loaded in the dishwasher and who does what chore. There will also be mistaken assumptions as each person comes from a household and they presume for the most part that that is normal. Maybe someone grew up in a family where Mom did everything and refused help. A husband like that is going to presume his wife does everything. Suppose she grew up in a household where both worked together. She will think such a man is being rude. Unspoken assumptions do a lot of damage if not realized.

I said feelings will fade. This can give an illusion when someone seems to come along who can spark new feelings again. Has the love faded? No. This is more common than people realize. Guys, especially, can generally find it very easy to get attracted to other women. Some men have said that marriage actually made that more of a temptation, perhaps especially if you’re a Christian man who saved yourself for marriage, liked what you got, and then wonder about other women.

So in this case, marriage does take hard work. One has to consistently cultivate their relationship. If the grass on the other side of the fence looks greener, take care of your own lawn better.

This sounds negative, but let’s get another reality.

It’s worth it.

It really is.

Benefits are nice. Getting to experience sex is something awesome and having someone to sleep next to at night is a gift, but overall, it’s more a lifetime of having someone you can share hopes and dreams and sorrows and pains with. It’s simple joys of sharing meals together and watching Netflix together in the evening. It’s driving together and holding hands. It’s a deep commitment that transcends temporary feelings and emotions. That is true love. Love is not doing good when you feel like it. Love is doing good even if you feel annoyance and such at the time.

Marriage is worth it.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Deeper Waters Podcast 4/20/2019

What’s coming up? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

April is Autism Awareness Month and as you all know, at least one show every month is dedicated to the topic of autism. This Saturday will be that show. I make it a point to have a guest on to come and introduce you to the world of autism a little bit more.

But who to get on? That’s often a puzzle and really, this kind of thing is a common occurrence with me. I try to get the best guests on that I can and sometimes it’s difficult. Many people who are Christians and on the spectrum are not that well known. Also, we need a variety of guests.

So who could it be? Who is there that is on the spectrum that the audience has not heard an in-depth interview yet? Is there anyone I know out there who could introduce people to the world of autism even more? Then in all my thinking, I hit on a guest that I thought would be interesting for my audience to hear. He would be someone that some people could know about, but maybe people who just know about my work through the show might not know about.

Why not have myself be the guest?

To help me with this, my friend of the Cerebral Faith Podcast, Evan Minton, has agreed to come on and be our first ever guest interviewer. This time, I will be taking the hot seat. Evan will be interviewing me on my experience with living on the spectrum and what it has been like.

So who am I?

My background in ministry is being a student at Johnson Bible College (Now Johnson University) where I got a B.S. in Bible and Preaching. From there, I went on to SES to do some study but left after the inerrancy controversy started. I currently run Deeper Waters Christian Apologetics and host the Deeper Waters Podcast. I live with my wife Allie and our cat Shiro.

I have not given Evan a list of questions to ask me so I really don’t know what’s coming. If I were to make some suggestions, it would include ways that life was like growing up for me including being in the public school system. (I was the first one on the spectrum in Knox County to graduate from the public school system) There could be talk about hobbies and interests and how Aspergers plays a role in all of this and of course, how I came to find out I am on the spectrum. Married life is always something I like to talk about and what’s it like to be married on the spectrum and married to someone on the spectrum.

We are working on getting new episodes up. Due to some technical difficulties and such, we weren’t able to in March. I hope that this month will change all of that. Thank you for listening and please leave a positive review on iTunes of the Deeper Waters Podcast.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

The Sacredness Of The Human Body

What is it about the body that is sacred? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Yesterday, I found myself on Facebook in a discussion about pornography. Why was I against it? Talking to atheists in this one, I decided to not just quote Scripture left and right, but to accept real evidence that I thought would be more convincing.

I spoke about how pornography ultimately treats women as objects. (I know there is porn the other way, so just alter the figures as needed) They are there to fulfill a sexual need and that is it. There is no more beyond that. Such a position is degrading to the female and if you degrade one woman, you have degraded all of them.

Later last night, I read about a resort called Temptation that is pretty much a millennial sex orgy. While there is supposed to be no public sex there and no is supposed to mean no, I’m quite sure that at least the first rule is violated several times. The sad thing is, this article was written by a married woman who said while she wasn’t going to be sleeping with other guys, she was happily letting it all go there.

I found it ultimately saddening, as if the human body is simply a display object. For myself, I like knowing that there is something of the body that is reserved for me only by my wife and vice-versa. This isn’t talking about you just going to the gym and if you’re with other men or other women, being undressed around them. After all, unless they’re gay, that’s not an issue for them. This is about things reserved for you and your spouse alone.

I really do think this is something that women especially have to face. After all, even most women would say the female body is objectively far more beautiful than the male is, and that’s even if they’re fully straight women. Women were just made to be beautiful and many women are constantly comparing themselves with other women to see if they have that beauty.

By the way women, just a little tip. What you are so obsessed with, we are not obsessed with. If you are married to a good man, he has no objections to you doing things to beautify yourself more, but he also loves you just the way you are. If anything, he wants you to live like you believe that.

Which gets me back to my objection to pornography. I object to the female body being put on display as an object just to arouse men. Now let me be straight forward and say the human female body does arouse men. I was listening to a news story about Notre Dame burning and how it was the building as it was before the fire was the most beautiful sight someone had ever seen. My thought was, “I am sure it is a beautiful sight, but it sure can’t compare to Allie.”

I definitely mean that. Why? Well, Notre Dame, as beautiful as it was, and hopefully will be again, was still built by man. It can’t compare with a design that was originally made by God. As I sit here typing, I see a picture of my wife here next to me and I look over with amazement. I never truly knew what beauty was until I saw her.

If I am sitting on the couch minding my own business and she tells me she’s going to go take a shower, my ears perk up immediately. If there’s anything that can get me to stop what I’m doing, it’s the affection of my wife. It has been a huge motivator for me to get me to stop doing things I shouldn’t be doing and start doing things that I should be doing.

So yes, I am not at all about to deny that the human female body has that function on us men.

The difference is that we who are happily married men should know that that is not just a human female body. That is a person. There’s an adage for married men that says sex begins at breakfast. No. It doesn’t mean you hoist her on to the breakfast table and get your game on. (Not that many of us would object if she was willing) It means that you start being romantic in the morning and that will increase the odds of her being romantic in the evening.

Pornography removes all of that. There is no romance truly in porn. The story of a movie might have some romance, but the man watching to get his stimulation needs to make no requirement. He does not have to romance a woman. He does not have to treat her with dignity. He’s just seeing a body. That’s all that matters.

Not only that, there are likely some in the porn industry who are there because of sex trafficking. Someone watching porn could unknowingly be supporting sex trafficking then. This is especially relevant for those in the atheistic crowd who want to decry slavery in the Bible so much.

There’s also the case that if you watch movies and TV, most of us know that any sex that takes place there is nothing like it is in real life. Porn will go way beyond that to even more unrealistic ideas. That’s why many women today can struggle with their lovers wanting more and more extreme behavior. I’m also convinced this is why many young men struggle with conditions like erectile dysfunction. They have got so used to fake women that a real woman can’t turn them on anymore.

Guys. If you are struggling with this habit, I really encourage you to go and get help immediately. You are not preparing yourself for a future sex life if you’re still a virgin. You’re doing great damage to your future sex life. If you are not planning to marry, you’re still lowering women everywhere. If you are married, find pleasure in your own wife. You don’t need to look elsewhere for sexual fulfillment.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Book Plunge: The Sexual State

What do I think of Jennifer Roback Morse’s book published by TAN Books? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I want to thank Dr. J, as she prefers to be called, for sending me a review copy of this book. Dr. J’s book is about the sexual revolution and the damage that it has done. The book is definitely written from a Catholic perspective, but Protestant readers like myself will still benefit from it.

Dr. J starts with talking about many of the victims of the sexual revolution that have been silent. These are people who have been hurt by the tearing apart of the family, including the divorce culture. This isn’t to say that divorce should absolutely never happen, but when divorce is way too easy, it has led to people with their own fallen natures seeking to end a marriage easily. Even when Allie and I were still in our seventh year of marriage I was told by some people we had a “long marriage.” Very sad.

Dr. J contends also that all of this required the necessary involvement of the state. The government has been pushing much of this, which is definitely the case when we realize that Planned Parenthood is government funded. Many of our elites also have a great interest in the sexual revolution. Think about how many people got ousted in Hollywood and media by the MeToo movement.

Dr. J sees this built on three pillars. The first is the contraceptive ideology. This is the one that tries to separate sex and babies. As a Protestant, I didn’t agree with this one as much as the others. After all, even devout Catholics practice Natural Family Planning to be able to have sex without having babies.

There’s also the case of situations where the motive is entirely right to avoid childbirth. I know someone once whose wife had a serious bone condition. If she got pregnant, she could die. They have measures taken to make sure this doesn’t happen. Is that wrong? I don’t think so.

For this, I largely think it depends on the circumstances. I would definitely agree that anyone wanting to use contraception in order to have easy sex outside of marriage is in the wrong, but notice that in this case, it is the activity itself of sex outside of marriage that is wrong. Were we to live in a culture where sex was kept within the bounds of marriage, I don’t think this would be as much of a problem.

Of course, I definitely agree that abortion is an evil. The only possible exception could be if it is required to save the life of the mother and the baby would die anyway. Abortion is one of the greatest evils of our time and I find it repulsive to think that even many so-called faith leaders are accepting it.

From there, we move on to the divorce ideology. This one destroys the permanence of marriage. Again, there are times I think everyone agrees that divorce is a sad necessity, such as a highly abusive relationship, but even then, it is a tragedy because it means someone broke their promise before God and men.

On the other hand, I do know of some women who favor no-fault divorce because it allowed them to get away from abusive husbands where if things had gone wrong, they would have stayed in that situation and been punished by the husband. I am not a legal scholar at all, so I can’t answer what can and can’t be done, but I would definitely agree that divorce is too often done and too many couples go into marriage saying that if things don’t work, they can get a divorce.

Sadly, this can also lead to people assuming that moving in together before marriage to test out a relationship will work. In reality, this is something that increases your odds of divorce and puts you in a more dangerous situation and allows men and women to treat each other as test subjects. It’s especially bad for the woman. After all, the man gets all the rewards he wants, namely free sex, and he doesn’t even have to commit to the woman!

Finally, there’s the gender ideology. It first started with the goal to remove the gender requirement for marriage, but now it seeks to eliminate gender altogether. If we looked at how the feminist movement went down the path, it’s quite a development.

The first step was saying that women are equal to men. This wasn’t in an ontological sense but saying women can vote, drive cars, own property, hold a job, etc. Most of us today would have no problem with this perspective.

The second was saying that women are superior to men. This has led to men often being just sperm donors and having it be easy to cry out rape at any event. Women have tried to show they don’t need a man in anything. I often thought Hillary Clinton’s campaign in 2016 could have just been “Vote for me because I’m a woman!”

But then the third step went somewhere most feminists didn’t expect and some have argued against. Now, thanks to the transgender movement, women are men. This has also led to some amusement from many of us men. Now men are able to compete in women’s’ sports. When they win, now men are no longer just superior at being men, but at being women apparently. Of course, there’s no risk also that many young men won’t use the new laws on transgenderism to be allowed to shower with the girls. Nope. After all, we’ve learned men have no interest in looking at female bodies.

Each of these chapters is followed with the Catholic response. Again, Protestants can get something out of this. I don’t agree with the Catholic Church on many issues, but they do some of the best work in moral philosophy today.

A final section also has Dr. J talking about the gift of grace and such. This is also how she ended her book Smart Sex and Dr. J I think is truly at her best when writing about the gift. She does not write as a highly sophisticated theologian or Biblical exegete. I would contend it is the simplicity of how she writes that makes it special and many of us who are Protestant Christians can stand up and cheer at this point.

While many people will have different levels of commitment, I think most of us in the Christian camp will agree the sexual revolution has been a disaster. If we could return to saving sex for the person you are married to it would help us out so much. (Just think of how much we would not have to spend in researching and treating STDs) No laws will ever give us utopia as long as we are fallen human beings, but we can say that some ideas make it worse, and that includes the sexual revolution.

In Christ,
Nick Peters