Sigh. There are times I really would like to get home and write a good blog, but it seems difficult. My mind often has a hard time focusing unless it’s something negative. A train of thought I get going on can too easily become derailed or else split into a thousand directions. It’s quite distracting.
So what happens tonight? We have an influx of customers where I work where several different people come up at once wanting something, I find one of my favorite movies which a friend comes by and as a joke removes, to which I don’t find out until 2 hours later and not even by a confession from him, I work half an hour with two more who don’t even buy something causing me to take a late break, and it ends with a customer so crazy that I’m talking to him and thinking “Remember your karate classes. This is what you do if he throws a punch, a kick, etc.”
Keep in mind that this is going on amidst all the other issues I often have going on in my life. There’s the number of debates that I’m in and the work that I do online, there’s preparing the blog, there’s getting set for seminary, and dealing with all other manner of personal issues which largely resides in my own constant fault-finding particularly in myself. Whew!
There are times when one is just spent entirely it seems and there is not much one thinks they can give. I have been entirely thankful for my friends at this point. I have sometimes imagined scenes where I would just collapse in their presence and they’d understand and if anyone came by they would just say, “He’s worked hard and he’s recuperating now. Leave him be.”
It is either the emotions are spent or they are taking over entirely and it can be difficult to tell which. The world turns topsy-turvy and you wonder if it can just slow down. I should mention I got off at 11 tonight and have to be at work at 9 tomorrow for which I will wake up at 7 in the morning. Great recovery time. Such is life though.
I try to keep in mind at this point the stoic philosophy that these things happen. All of this will pass away. From the view of eternity, these incredibly stressful events at this point could seem like nothing more than a minor case of the sniffles and one that I will laugh at from that point.
Unfortunately, we’re not at that point yet.
It’s times like this though that I try to remember that God is on the throne. No matter how crazy things did, the Lord is still sovereign. Christ is still in charge. It is at times like this that I try to remember the peace of the Trinity. I remember that God is omnipresent and so the presence of the Trinity is omnipresent and that Trinity presence has peace and love in it. It is waiting there for me to accept it.
What keeps you and I from doing it? I suppose honestly, we are afraid of the love of God at times. I think of these stray cats I sometimes see. I love cats and when I see them, I want to take them and let them know that they’re not unloved. What do they do though? They run. If they would come close, they would get to have my love for them. They don’t trust it though.
Can we really not trust God? Yep. I think of the idea that some of us have that God will take us and make us do something utterly miserable to us to teach us how to trust him. I don’t really see this in Scripture and it seems centered on us. My guess is that God doesn’t make a big deal out of such things usually. Chances are, we take small choices to God and make them gigantic and we take what he considers the big choices and make them tiny.
As I go on my way, I must simply remember that God is on the throne no matter what’s going on in my life. Things aren’t as big as I make them out to be and I just need to learn to step back and focus. I need to pause and remember in all things that God is on the throne.
So that’s my rant for tonight with my reminder. Why say it? Because my guess is that you have those kinds of days also and you probably need someone to come and tell you that they’re just like you. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.