I was talking to a friend last night who was talking about a friend of his who has apparently gone down the darker path with sexuality. He was one who used to be in church but is now a pretty much, sex addict. It is a tragic tale to hear and I write this mainly to the men to know that we all need to persevere.
One of the worst mistakes that you can make with temptation is to think that you are above it. I always wonder, for instance, when I apply for a job somewhere and they have a question asking “Have you ever been tempted to steal?” I always answer it honestly. I have. Who hasn’t been? I am a fallen human being and I know my own weaknesses. I think the person who denies they have ever been tempted is being totally dishonest.
Now when we turn this over to sexuality, I first think of what Peter Kreeft says. He doesn’t esteem the man who is never tempted with lust. He pities him. Why? Because all temptation is ultimately dealing with some concept of good. The murderer may think the world will be a better place in some way if his desires are carried out. That greater good may be only for the one person, but that is still the temptation. This will bring happiness in some way that is seen as good.
Which of us men is going to deny it? This is something good. Even those of us who have not had the experience of intercourse yet do not worry that this might be something we don’t like. We know that God created an experience that is good. That is the reason why we are tempted. We wouldn’t be tempted with a negative experience. I don’t walk through a hospital and see patients suffering from various conditions and think “Wow. I’d like to have that happen to me.”
Now I know women are tempted also and if they have a high sex drive, then this would apply to them as well. However, I am writing to the men as men and as the ones who are the leaders of society. It is we who will set the examples ultimately and be the ones that raise up the next generation.
I also write this because of the case of this one that my friend was talking about. It is quite easy for a sin such as this to take us away from God. Friends of mine know that I can be thinking of someone very particular, and I will be nice this time and not mention their name, but they are a noted apostate who made the turn away from the faith that began with having an affair. It has now led to atheism. My constant stance on that is that a man will either accept the justification of God or try to justify himself apart from God and my own friends know my saying in this situation is “Lady Macbeth. That spot’s not coming out.”
This is the power of addiction, though not just of sex. If one is given the choice of either God or the addiction, it is a sad reality that too many will choose the addiction. This is why we men need to be careful. I’ve made enough mistakes in the past to know better. Now I’m still very much virgin, but I do know I have made mistakes. Chances are, I’m not alone of course. However, what I do is my own responsibility, a lesson we all need to learn from sin. Ultimately, there is none to blame but ourselves for our own decisions.
Men. It is time we hold ourselves accountable. This is not a private matter. This is a public matter. If I come home from a date or my roommate comes home from one, I believe we each have all right to ask each other questions about the experience to make sure that we were living pure, and I certainly hope I will be held accountable.
Be careful men, lest you fall. Our future needs men after all and not boys who are controlled by their hormones.