I often picture myself as a Timothy without a Paul. In all honesty, I am amazed that it seems so many people look up to me. I know my roommate has made it clear enough times that he admires me, and he’d tell you that just as many times I tell him that I don’t see why. That is my problem and it is something I’m working on.
I thought about it last night though. I was struggling with an issue and thought about how I’ve avoided some things since I’ve come to this town with a roommate. There are some things I just haven’t done and I’m a better person in many ways. If you asked what was different, I would tell you that I have a friend nearby.
As an example, I’ve said before that I can’t swim. I’m hydrophobic. My roommate, on the other hand, I swear is half-fish in the water. It has been through our experiences at the Y that I have wanted more and more to get over that fear and learn how to swim. Is it something he’s said? Nope. He’s never told me I should join him in swimming or told me my fear is silly or anything like that. Instead, he’s just been a friend and in seeing him enjoy himself and knowing that I need to show him I trust him, I await more and more my chance to plunge. Fortunately, I have other friends who are sure I will.
It seems overall for me that my own attitude is improving in many cases. Things I used to dwell on endlessly I don’t any more. Of course, I still have my blah periods. I am really a quite melancholy and quiet individual. Those times aren’t lasting as long as they used to though. I know I have a friend beside me.
So I thought about this last night and the things I’ve avoided and it occurred to me “What if your roommate not only admires your knowledge, but sees you as a spiritual role model also?” I’d never really thought about that before. Could I be showing him Christ in the way I live my life and not just in how I think and do apologetics and argue with skeptics?
Now, you might think the thought of being a spiritual role model would lead to arrogance. It was just the opposite. It made me immediately feel quite humble and think about the way I was living my life and how I needed to keep living a good and pure life in order to be sure to not risk leading just myself astray but him as well. I’m not saying if I stumbled, he would. I doubt it. However, I would lose some of my example and impact I could have on his life.
Then though, I thought that in many ways, I have been one all along. To everyone I meet, I am to be a spiritual example. I am to show them what Christ is like. Am I really doing that? I can look at many instances in my life where I don’t think I am. I can look at the struggles and temptations I have and really wonder.
I can also look back at the sin in my past. I recall doing some interviews with someone in the recent past and how I told him some of them. It didn’t change his view of me. He wrote that I had crafted sin, but not to be insulting. He meant it to say that I had been there and I knew what it meant to screw up. I look back at that and hope I never do such again for the sake of those around me.
Is he looking up to me there? Well, I can’t say for sure. I know I admire his walk though and that’s something that probably helps also. Remember Ecclesiastes 4:9-12? A friend is always a good thing to have when you are dealing with anything. Somehow, at the end of the day, I know when I come home, that I am safe. I have my friend here.
Now will I find a mentor someday soon? I certainly hope so. There’s so much more out there I need to learn and want to learn. Until then though, what am I to do? I am to look at the way I am living my life. Am I showing those around me the life of Christ? I should show it to all, but how can I show it to strangers if I can’t even show it to the friends closest to me?
Faithful readers! Do pray for me in this. It is a struggle I face and rest assured that while I may seem to some of you maybe to be at a level you wonder if you can reach, and I don’t mean that in any arrogant sense, it isn’t easy and it requires much work and even I am lazy at times. Pray for me as I am one like you as well. I will bleed if you cut me also. As I said in an earlier blog, I am simply trying to climb that mountain, and I hope you’ll help me reach the top as I help you.