In a forum I belong to, there’s recently been a lot of talk as to whether or not women actually understand what men go through. I’m not saying this to discount what women go through. I am not saying that trials like PMS or childbirth and things of that nature are nothing. I’m sure they are. However, not much is said about what goes on in the mind of a man. Now I only know for sure what goes on in the mind of one man, myself, so that will be my example tonight.
Of course, some of it will be talking to other men as well. When men get together and talk, sexuality can be one of the things we talk about. Not so much the abstract of sexuality though as the reality of women. As for our individual lives, it’s been said that the average male thinks about sex every seven seconds and he’s lying about the other six.
I will say that thinking about writing this article did not make the struggle much easier. Readers know that I am a single male who is very very very much interested in finding Mrs. Right. I am a philosophy major devoted in my Christian walk. My hobbies including reading, video games, and watching Smallville. An evening with me will include….oh wait. I need to be blogging. Sorry. Got distracted.
This is mainly to you women of course, but I welcome comments from my fellow men definitely this time. Maybe what I say is what you can relate to or maybe you think I’m completely off. Either way, I believe it needs to be said. I’m not trying to excuse everything for us guys also. I’m just letting you women know what we deal with.
As I thought about writing this, I will tell you that a guy struggling about sex literally feels it. It’s an aspect that every fiber of his being is in a sense screaming out for it and he has to tell himself to wait. Now this doesn’t last for hours (At least not in my experience!) but it is still a very real experience. I think this is one reason men can give in so easily to sexual sin. Something like pornography is a quick fix.
It also is because we are very visual. Women. If you could see what goes on inside our minds, chances are, you’d come out in public everyday wearing body armor that covered your bodies up entirely. It is not uncommon for us to move whatever way we can if we think that just for a second we have caught a glimpse of a beautiful female.
Also, that image can very easily stay in our minds. I could go down a list very easily right now of all the women that I’ve had crushes on. I can still see them in my mind’s eye. It would not be rare for us either to get so transfixed at the sight of a beautiful woman that we cease to pay attention to everything around us.
There have been times I’ve been driving down the road and just noticed that beautiful woman jogging on the side of the road. I have even pulled up to a stop light and noticed a female in the lane next to me and thought “She’s really cute.” I also know I’m not the only guy who has bought something at a department store he didn’t really need just to get in the check-out lane where a beautiful girl was. (And I have said that is why they’re called “Check-out” lanes. Note also that I do use the same system when I buy something at the store I do need to determine which line I’m going to get in.)
I’m even driving around lost tonight. Mapquest was not nice enough to tell me the road I was taking to get somewhere was one way. So as I’m driving, I’m listening to an apologetics CD and it’s a female speaker and I’m listening but in the back of my mind the thought is there of “She sounds really cute.”
Rest assured women, we are noticing you, which is why you need to be careful about what you wear. I’m not telling you to go Islamic in fashion or anything. There is a time that I think it’s appropriate to really dress up and make yourself look very attractive. Being attractive though is not the same thing as being showy. We men have very vivid imaginations and we will be able to imagine more based on what we do see.
The problem is that we do have such huge drives and we have to contain them. Now while I do not approve of the Islamic concept of 70 virgins for a man in Paradise, I can understand how a man would find that as Paradise. A man could spend much time thoroughly enjoying himself in such a situation. This is the way we are. We can be set in seconds.
I would not think this ends because a man is married either. A married man must guard himself as well. This is why many a married man can look up when walking down the street just because he sees a beautiful female ahead and he knows where his mind will go if he looks again. A wife walking with him may wonder what’s going on. Wives. If you are walking with your husband and he suddenly looks off at nothing, check to see if there is another beautiful lady nearby. (Other than yourself I mean.)
And men, we need to learn what self-control is. I am thankful now that I have a friend who asks me if I am staying pure. Now I do not watch internet porn and thankfully, never have, but even I have the struggles with wanting what I can’t have now. I am thankful that he comes to me and says “Are you staying pure?” Many times when I could violate my conscience I think of having to speak to him again and realize that I must resist.
Men. We also know that after a time, that intense craving does pass. At the time, it fills like we will explode, but it does pass. Of course, we single ones do hope we get married soon so we can enjoy this pleasure. However, we must be Christian in our approach to sexuality and wait. It’s never promised to be easy. It is promised to be worthwhile though.
I just wanted to say my two cents on it. Women. You need to understand what’s going on some in the mind of men and how when we say this is a struggle, we really mean that. It is a struggle.