This is a question I ask myself several times and I was thinking about on the way home from Seminary. Do I really love God? I enjoy answering questions and writing blogs and posting on forums and such. I enjoy reading books and watching debates and listening to MP3s. Do I really love God though?
And yet, where do we go to determine this? Our feelings. I have a great friendship for my roommate right now. That does not mean that I feel a great friendship. It’s there. How do I know? I know because of the way I act around him and how I want to please him and if I can help him in any way, I’ll do it.
I call my family after every class and let them know how it went. I don’t have great feelings for my family. I still call them though. I talk to them and let them know what’s going on. It’s just not really a feeling thing. I pray for them and I’d like to help them with their troubles, but I don’t have much feeling.
The only exception is romantic love. Romantic love does tend to produce strong feelings, but that could change in marriage. In fact, I expect it to. (Not that I’m anywhere near that point as I’m not dating anyone.) C.S. Lewis even noted this in his book “The Four Loves.” Eros seems to be different from any other love in that it is a love of strong passion.
Maybe some of you out there do have great feelings for God. That’s great. I’m not saying this to condemn you. I’m saying this to say that this is where I’m at and I don’t think I’m alone in it. I suspect that there are many people who go through their Christian life and they just don’t have much emotion.
In fact, I’d say such people are like that in most areas of their lives. We tend to be laid-back and don’t get overly excited. Now my friends know I have a number of passions in my life, but I don’t have strong feelings still many of the time. If I hear the Smallville theme song, for instance, I will run to see where it is coming from, but I am not flooded with intense euphoria or anything. I merely enjoy it.
So am I and others lovers of God?
I think if we can’t go to our feelings, we can only go to one other source, and that is the same for friendship, our actions. I like what my roommate said to me one time before we moved in that has always stuck with me. That he would not speak so much of love as he would of loyalty and I thought of that tonight.
I am spending my paychecks on living here simply so I can spend my whole life in the ministry.
I have a bedroom full of books that I bought largely with my own money for help in ministry.
I am willing to stay up late at night even if I have to work the next day just because I think someone needs some help.
I will spend my time writing articles when I could be doing other things because I think the truth needs to get out there.
I do not have any girls pregnant or anyone with broken bones or any dishonest money simply because I believe it’s important to obey the moral law of God.
Now I’m not saying that to toot my horn. I’m very fallable in many ways still and I am fully cognizant of my own sinfulness. I’m saying that so that maybe you can think of some examples in your own life.
Feelings. They can be good for many things, but not often the best for revealing who we really are. Look at your actions and even closer, your reactions. If you don’t have strong feelings, it’s okay. You just might not be wired that way.