One of my favorite jokes you can find on the internet is the difference between men’s english and women’s english. Some of the ones for men are quite revealing and I think reveal a basic truth about attraction.
“Do you want to go to a movie?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
“Can I take you out to dinner?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
“Can I call you sometime?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you.
“May I have this dance?” = I’d eventually like to have sex with you. “What’s wrong?” = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
“I’m bored.” = Do you want to have sex?
“I love you.” = Let’s have sex now.
“I love you, too.” = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now! “Let’s talk.” = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me.
“Will you marry me?” = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
Funny indeed, but I think hitting a key point. For all guys, this is where attraction starts. This is our desire to know the other person. Now I have been writing about this attraction lately. I say this at the start though because we often get this idea that guys aren’t supposed to think like that. We’re supposed to be pure of heart entirely.
Guys. You can be pure of heart though and think about sex. In fact, God gave you that desire. All he asks is that you control it till its proper time.
This is also something we should realize as men. The beauty of the female is part of God’s way of telling us that he loves us. There is no accident in creation. God created the female form a specific way for a reason. He created it to point to him but he also made it a way that we would desire it and enjoy it. A man is meant to enjoy the body of the female because yes, her body is a good thing.
We tend to develop this gnostic attitude in the church that the body is this secondary thing. No. The body is of utmost importance. Paul in the epistles to the Corinthians placed great emphasis on what we do with our bodies. Man is not just a body and not just a soul. He is a body-soul unity.
Women. You need to keep this in mind. This is what the guy is going to be thinking about and as a way of honoring you, he should be keeping himself under control. The attraction involves the wonder and the mystery of the female and the male wanting to explore it for all its worth.
But surely attraction involves more than just wanting sex. Surely it involves the way you treat that lady.
Of course it does!
I do believe that strong desire is at the root of that though. Remember how the female fulfills the potential of the male? The female enables the male to be all that he can be and vice-versa. The two become one flesh and the man at that point is to treat the body of the female as if it was his own, because in a sense, it is.
So what does it mean to find the one that completes you and is your missing half? It means that you honor her like you do your body. It means you don’t treat her in any way you wouldn’t want to be treated yourself. It also means you don’t look for greener pastures anywhere else, for she has completed you and that which is complete needs nothing else added to it.
The desire for sexuality means so much to a man after all. I also think it’s quite essential to a good marriage. Notice this isn’t to be on the part of just the man either. The woman should desire this as well. Paul writes about how both partners can agree to separate for a time for Christian devotion, but be ready to come together due to their passions. Notice it doesn’t say the guy’s passions. It says the passions of both of them.
We can’t treat this as if it is just an add-on. God says in Genesis that for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to the wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is the fundamental design. While the main purpose is the production of children, other passages of Scripture indicate the importance of pleasure and intimacy as well.
In my opinion, a marriage that does not involve sex often, is a marriage that is in trouble. How often is up to the two involved, but there should be a strong desire for this unifying experience to take place. There should be a want to bring pleasure and intimacy to the other person.
Now if we men are to keep up this attraction though, it involves us being men. A lady once told me “Sex begins at breakfast.” She was absolutely right. A man should not expect to come home and put on the charm as he climbs into bed and expect his wife to happily play along. A man should be charming all day long. He should make charming his wife a lifestyle.
And the more he does this, the more he grows to love her and care for her and be able to do what Christ commanded, and it’s quite a call. He is to be the one who is to die for her if need be. He is to treat her as Christ treats his bride. Women often say that they don’t like submission being taught in the Bible. Women have it easy! The man has to be willing to die, to provide, to raise the family right, and in the end give an account before God of how his family turned out.
That death should be the only reason he separates from her also. Men should make it a desire to please their wives. Ladies. I’m hoping you’ve noticed we men are naturally competitive and like to be the best at everything that we do, but when women are around, that takes on a whole new meaning.
Go to a park sometime and watch some older guys playing basketball for instance. Then watch and see how they act when a cute girl walks around and starts looking at them. All of a sudden, every player on the court (Unless he’s married or has a girl) will be wanting to show that he’s Michael Jordan. The attention of a lady can empower a man to do great things. This is the role a wife should play. She should give her husband the respect he desires so he can be all he can be.
In turn, the man should seek to constantly love his wife as he is so attracted to her. The more you are attracted to her, the less you will notice the competition out there. The less you will want to do anything to hurt her. Temptations will come, but when is it easier to resist? When you and your wife are on the outs, or when you’re treating her like a queen?
Attraction is important. It is rooted in sexual desire for us men, but it goes beyond that. It means that we be all that we can be to our ladies. They are God’s gift to us, and we should treat them properly.