A friend of mine wanted to talk to me recently about a friend of his and his concern for her. He mentioned many twisted things this friend does and how she talks to her mother and her mother just doesn’t know how to handle it. I then heard this friend mention that this friend’s father was in jail and had been arrested for abusing the mother. Ah! The light is shed!
I’ve written much about masculinity and the need for men to be good fathers to their sons. I fully believe that. We need men to embody masculinity. Let’s be clear on the other side of the coin though. We need men to be good fathers to their daughters as well for a father needs to show his daughter what masculinity is like, not to emulate it, but because if she plans to marry, he needs to show her the kind of man she needs to marry, but in any relationship with men she’ll have be it friendly or business, he needs to show her what a real man is like and not a fake man.
As for mothers, they need to be good mothers to their sons. In the same way, mothers need to be good representatives of femininity to the young men they raise. Not so that the men will emulate this, but so that they will have a good idea of what they are to look for when they go out to marry. If they don’t marry, it will help them to recognize real women they meet from fake women at least.
Ideally, that is what is supposed to happen. With so many broken homes today, it sadly doesn’t.
This is about daugthers though.
The view that a child will most often push on God sadly is the view they get of their earthly father. I think about this girl and think that what she saw that was supposed to represent God for her was an abuser who walked all over anyone he could, including his wife. I fear a girl like this grows up not only hating God but hating men.
Sadly, I think this girl hates her own femininity as well. Why? Because she’s seen her mother as an example as being beat down relentlessly. The idea of femininity then becomes one that lets itself be downtrodden and used and made weak. It is a doormat example of femininity. I do believe biblically women are to be submissive to their husbands. They are NOT to be doormats though. Men. Your wife is the one you are to walk through the door, not the one you are to walk on to get in the door.
And that means this girl is going to grow up in a universe that seems absurd and meaningless. God is out of the point because obviously a good God would not let Mom be abused by Dad all these years! (Naturally, I’m not of that opinion, but I am speaking from the way I believe this girl is experiencing reality.) There is only one goal to live for then. That is the satisfaction of one’s desires. This can come in many ways. Power, money, sex, etc.
The first thing I would recommend for this girl is a good father she can love and that is what is so important. We men often want sons, but if a daughter comes along, she needs you just as much. You need to be a man and remember, you need to be the man that when she goes off to find a husband, she says “I want a man like Dad.” When she finds God also, she needs to say “Wow. Dad really did reflect God well.”