Hello everyone and welcome back to Deeper Waters where we are diving into the ocean of truth. I’ve started doing some writing on Autism Awareness Month and giving my insider’s perspective as an Aspie. I want everyone to keep in mind that that is all that it is. I do recommend more thorough research for those interested.
A month or so ago I was involved in a Facebook debate with someone on matters of culture when this person said something to the effect of “Consider that in our culture, we highly value eye contact.” I had to laugh then and let him know that he was talking to an Aspie and I hate eye contact.
Does that mean I always avoid it? No. However, I have to prep myself if I’m doing something like a job interview. Of course, there are other exceptions where eye contact is not hard, such as when my spouse and I spend our time looking into each others’ eyes and not be intimidated by it. There are times however where it’s especially important, such as I want to tell her something really special about herself or deal with some negative attitudes she has and say “Look at your husband” and she’ll turn and look me in the eyes. Of course, she does the same to me.
Generally however, the person like myself will not look at you in the face, and this can be for a number of reasons. Eye contact in some cases can be intimidating. Some people don’t do it because of a sensual overload that they get. However, the person I was arguing with was right in saying that it is expected in our culture and that is something that can often make the Aspie be seen as rude.
The reality is that this is just a different way of thinking. I go see a counselor on a monthly basis. When I’m in his office, I sometimes look at him, but often, I’m busy looking around at everything else. Part of it is just gathering a sense of my surroundings and wanting to know what’s going on. When I have to say something really deep, I can often close my eyes as it can seem to give a better focus. I could also just say that I don’t understand half of what I do, but I do it anyway. Somehow I doubt that’s just an Aspie thing.
What is the lesson to learn for the neurotypical? Realize that when you meet someone who is not looking you in the eye, it is not best to presuppose that they are rude. It could be that they are an Aspie and they will not appreciate eye contact. Now of course, there are times that we Aspies do have to bite the bullet and do such, but keep in mind that if you are a complete stranger to us meeting us at a place like school or church, we will likely not do so to begin with. Keep trying. If you get an Aspie looking you in the eyes, it could just mean you’ve earned his trust.
And that’s quite a thing to earn.
We shall continue next time.
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