Book Plunge: Mere Science and Christian Faith

What do I think of Greg Cootsona’s book published by IVP? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

I am not a scientist, but I am always interested in books about the intersection between science and religion. When IVP sent me this one, it was one I was eager to read. Cootsona’s book is different in some ways. It’s not so much because of content, but because of the approach.

Cootsona writes his book largely with emerging adults in mind, the kind of people we would call millennials. These are young people who have a lot of questions about science and religion. What is the relationship between the two? Is there conflict or dialogue or what?

Cootsona answers these questions and often shows information on the side about conversations that he’s had with young people and little statements that they say. People involved in youth ministry need to be reading something like this. These are the very issues that young people are dealing with and as Cootsona sadly shows at the end, many people walk away because they committed the great sin of asking questions.

Cootsona deals with questions not only about creation and evolution, but also about technology. What are the effects that it’s having on society? There is some good of course, but there is also some bad. Are we having too much screen time? Could we actually bear to put the phones down?

He also spends some time with the new atheists. For the most part, the new atheists aren’t really an issue any more, but the mind set is still there. Dawkins is still seen as being on the side of science and religion is seen as the opposite. This leaves many people wondering if they have to choose between science and religion. It doesn’t help Christians out when we tell young people that they just need to have faith and not bother with their questions.

Some of you might be wondering if in all of this if Cootsona has a high view of Scripture. He does. Cootsona upholds orthodoxy and upholds inerrancy in the book. He presents viewpoints to help people understand the questions such as evolution and the age of the Earth. It’s a snapshot in the book as it were, but in the back he provides resources for further study. Cootsona’s book is meant to be an introduction to the questions. It is not an end-all.

There is also a section on climate change and sexuality. Now I am a skeptic of the idea of climate change. I haven’t invested in the study, but I am skeptical. Still, there is good information to consider here even if I am not convinced. As for sexuality, our changing approach to sexual culture is going to need to be addressed. How do we answer questions about transgenderism and homosexuality? Is Christianity behind the times?

These questions about science and Christianity are entirely relevant today. I get many questions from Christians with doubt today. If there is any topic that seems to come up the most, it is questions about Genesis 1-11. It is amazing how many people contact me and say they’re scared that Christianity might not be true and yet they have no questions about the resurrection. It’s all about Genesis. We need better resources on this.

Youth ministers then should definitely read this book! If you’re not a scientist, that’s okay. It’s written in a style laymen can understand. Parents concerned about teenagers and college-age students should read this book. Young people themselves searching should also read it.

Cootsona has given us a good gateway book to the issue of science and Christianity. He has also sounded a clarion call that we need to be listening to the emerging adults today to know how to better reach them. We can answer all the questions we want to, but if we don’t answer the questions they’re asking, we don’t get them any closer to Jesus.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Three Things Youth Need To Relearn

Has youth ministry gone the wrong way? Let’s plunge into the Deeper Waters and find out.

Recently, Addie Zierman wrote an article that appeared in Relevant Magazine about three things she had to unlearn in youth ministry. Unfortunately, looking at the list, it looks like three things that we still need to learn about youth ministry.

So let’s look at the first. The first item to learn is that youth are not going to be persecuted for what they believe. So what is Zierman’s evidence for this?

I spent the duration of junior high and high school braced against the entire student body, sure that they secretly mocked/hated/despised me. I wore Christian T-shirts like some kind of bullet-proof vest. I memorized all of the brilliant apologetic arguments in favor of Christianity in case any teacher or student ever cornered me in the hall and forced me to debate my faith.

But no one ever did.

What actually happened is that I distanced myself from everyone who didn’t believe like I did. It wasn’t that they didn’t like me—it was that I had barred my arms in an eternal defensive pose, and no one could even get close. So after a while, they stopped trying.

So all we have is her anecdotal evidence. Okay. If that’s what counts, then I will give anecdotal evidence of people coming to me talking about youth or youth themselves talking about how they receive this exact same treatment. I could point to how young atheists like David McAfee are developing followers among their own young people. I could talk about how you can find many teenagers and other young people on YouTube more than happy to tear apart anyone who does anything Christian. I could talk about how many young people on Facebook and even some in ministry that I saw had the equals sign on their Facebook page showing they were interested in redefining marriage and how my own wife had people going after her because she dared to do something horrible like go to Chick-Fil-A on Chick-Fil-A day. I could also point to the numerous people who go off to college and lose their faith because they were not intellectually equipped when a challenge to it came. Yes. All of this is going on.

I could also point to the research done by sociologists like George Yancey on the problem of changing attitudes towards Christianity and Christians, and they’re only getting worse. While I think it’s an insult to call this persecution in light of real persecution going on around the world, it is foolish I think to look at our world and think it’s not coming and each year, people are getting more and more hostile to the Christian message and that is going to affect our youth.

So the first lesson to learn for youth? You are a soldier of the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of this world is radically opposed to the Kingdom of God. If you are not ready, then you will be ineffective or you will be a casualty.

The second lesson is that your friends’ salvation does not depend on how well you can defend Christianity.

It’s a wonder Zierman knows the friends of people she’s never even met before.

Zierman in this part refers to our giving of trite answers which yes, I must admit happens too often, but I would say I’m more impressed that anyone is actually giving answers because when I was growing up in youth group, no one was discussing this kind of stuff, and I know of many who have undergone the exact same situation. Zierman wants us to understand that we are not the savior and we are not going to save anyone. (This despite Paul said he lives in such a way in 1 Cor. 9 that through all possible means he might save some. Apparently, Paul didn’t have the hesitancy of language that many of us have today.) Of course, if this is meant to say no one can give an argument to force someone to convert, then this is absolutely true.

In the same way, no one can do a loving action to force someone to convert either.

So by that standard, we should cease to be doing loving actions for other people as a means of evangelism.

If trite answers are a problem, and I agree that they are, how about giving real and effective answers that will help those outside the faith to be refuted and to provide assurance for those that are within. Zierman goes on to say

Later, when they begin to grapple with the inconsistencies and the doubts and the hard things in their faith, it won’t be trite answers that see them through. It will be that glimpse they’ve had of the beauty of God. It will be the muscle memory of having dived deep into something real. And if and when their friends question them about their faith, it won’t be about showing them a diagram. It will be about showing them Jesus.

It’s really sad that I can picture Mormon leaders saying this to Mormons. It would work just as well. “You might come across challenges to your faith and inconsistencies between archaeology and the BOM or the BOM and the Bible or other such things. When those times come, do remember that you have a burning in the bosom and let it be that people will see that passion you have for Jesus and know that your faith is real. Show them Jesus.”

Of course, I have no opposition to showing people Jesus and I have no opposition to people having powerful religious experiences. What I have opposition to is the foundation being someone’s own personal experience. This feeds into our rabid individualism that is destroying the church. I can already tell you is that if all you have is the love of Jesus, new atheist types out there will chew you up and spit you out. They will not be persuaded. You might get a “Well I’m happy you found something that works for you” or they could just think you’re still a deluded person and your delusion will be harmful if it spreads.

There are people like Peter Boghossian out there who want to get 10,000 street epistemologists out there and each one is to have the goal of deconverting 100 people. These people will not respond if you simply point to feeling the love of Jesus. Well, they will respond, but it will not be in the way you’d like. Also, when someone comes home from college having been hit with Zeitgeist or evil Bible or Jesus mythicism or the problem of evil or any number of problems, it won’t be feeling love that will get them through. It will be having an intellectually robust faith where they know that there are answers and those answers inform how they live.

The third belief we need to get rid of is you have to do something to make a difference for God.

Yes. She actually says that.

Now I do think she is right when she says

The Christian walk is a long journey—so often mundane and difficult, putting one foot in front of another—seeing nothing, feeling nothing. And linking faith with extraordinary actions and extraordinary feelings makes it so much harder for us when we slam into the inevitable ordinary.

Of course, there won’t be constant mountaintop experiences and exciting adventures every day. Not everyone is going to be a famous evangelist or apologist or what have you.

But if you want to make a difference for God, yes, you have to do something and yes, you should be striving to do more than you are. Zierman goes on to say that

You can’t do anything to make God love you more.

You can’t do anything to make God love you less.

You are already enough.

God is already doing amazing things through you—even if it all feels hopelessly average.

How does Zierman know God is already doing amazing things through the reader? Maybe the reader really isn’t growing and striving in their faith at all. Maybe the reader never says a word in evangelism. Maybe the reader has no prayer life and does not study the Bible and simply comes to church because their parents make them. An article like Zierman’s can lead to great complacency and notice where the focus is at the end of this.

God can’t love you more.

God can’t love you less.

You are enough.

You are already being used by God for amazing things.

You. You. You.

And this is part of the problem. Most of us in our culture think way too much of ourselves already. You can’t do anything to make God love you more or less. Okay. I agree. So what? What does that have to do with your evangelism and how you are to live? Do you really do what you do because you’re wanting God to love you more or less? You have a pretty bad theology already if you do. Would such an attitude work in a marriage if you had it? “I don’t really need to strive to do something amazing for my spouse because they already love me as I am and they think I’m amazing enough already.”

God have mercy on me if I ever approach my Allie with that attitude.

Should I give God any less?

All the things Zierman says she thinks we need to unlearn, I would prefer if we relearn them and actually teach them.

We have too many casualties already and it’s only getting worse in America. The individualistic ideologies being thrust onto our youth will only compound the problem.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Why Should Non-Christian Youth Study Christianity?

If the Christians don’t have a reason for taking Christianity seriously, do non-Christians? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

I’ve been writing this week about reaching the youth and making the case that youth need a reason to be Christian. At this point, it’s mainly been asking how can we keep those that are in the fold, inside the fold? While we want to keep them in, we must remember that Christianity is an evangelistic faith and we also want to get others to come inside and trust in Christ.

Now we have a problem. If we can’t give our youth a good reason to come to investigate Christianity, why on Earth should we expect that their non-Christian peers would do the same thing? If we’re wanting to draw others in to a church service, how will we do it by giving them what they can get elsewhere? How will we also do it if we tell them that they can’t get any more what they get elsewhere?

Let’s consider some aspects of what we’re telling a young person to believe if they believe in Christianity and some things we’re telling them to do as well.

We’re telling them to believe in miracles, what their friends would call “superstition.”
We’re telling them to “trust an ancient book.”
We’re telling them that it is important to be a good person.
We’re telling them that a man rose from the dead years ago.
We’re telling them that some behaviors are wrong and being a Christian means that they will say so. This will include behaviors deemed acceptable today such as sexual behaviors including homosexuality and pre-marital sex.
We’re in turn also telling them that they are to abstain from such behaviors which would mean taking the stance of chastity until marriage and if they’re virgins now, keeping that virginity until marriage.
We’re telling them to give up Sunday mornings and Sunday nights and quite possibly Wednesday nights.
We’re telling them to be honorable in their studies at school and avoid shortcuts like cheating.
We’re telling them that they could have limitations on not listening to the same music or watching the same TV shows or movies that their peers are enjoying.
Ultimately, we’re telling them to die to themselves and realize that they are not #1.

Now on the face of it, if you were told you had to do all of those things, you would want some serious reason to do them all. You don’t want to do that kind of activity just because someone tells you to do so, especially if you’re a young person who is probably more than happy to rebel against authority.

This is hard enough to do if you’re a Christian. How much harder will it be if you’re a non-Christian?

So what are we going to do to get them interested?

Some have said we need to change the system. We need to make Christianity relevant. These are the ones that constantly say we have to adapt to the culture.

Now in some ways, it’s fine to adapt. Most of us would not have a huge problem with using a powerpoint presentation. We all use the internet today in our evangelistic efforts and use cell phones, drive to churches with air conditioning, etc.

What do we not change? We don’t change our principles. We don’t change our claims. We don’t change our morality. Those have to stay the same. We can change how we present them, but we dare not tone down on Christianity. Keep in mind the early church did not do that. They came out with the most controversial message of all that went totally against their society, and they ended up conquering the Roman Empire in a few centuries on the weight of the message.

Still, this doesn’t say how we’re going to get non-Christian youth investigating Christianity. Here are my suggestions.

First, let the youth do the work. Our young people in the church have the potential to be evangelistic. They just need to have the tools so that they can do the job. Right now, Christian youth are on the defensive. The opposite worldview is assumed to be true and the Christians always have the burden. Let’s change that. Let’s have it that the other side is on the defensive. In saying this, I’m not saying Christians have no burden to prove their claims. They do. The reality is anyone who is making any claim has a burden to demonstrate that claim.

When we do this, then the non-Christians will want to avoid looking like the fool in the eyes of their peers. Consider the way it is with a bully. Suppose there’s someone in the school who has a following because he’s supposedly the toughest guy around and he gets his way by force. Then in comes a white knight figure who happens to be a black belt and catches said bully picking on someone who can’t defend themselves. Our white knight steps in and before too long, everyone knows this bully is no longer the toughest guy around. Which way does the respect go now?

Now suppose in another case that there is an atheist at the school who is known for embarrassing Christians. He’s the one that makes none of the Christians want to share their faith because word will get around to him and he’ll come and embarrass them with his questions. This time, our white knight is equipped with apologetics and sound scholarship. Off our hero goes sharing his faith and here comes the atheist to put him in his place, as has always happened.

Except this time it doesn’t! Our hero knows enough about the faith that our atheist is left stammering for answers and not knowing what to say. This also with all of his entourage watching. In fact, before too long, the Christians in the school are watching also. What are they learning? The dog is all bark and no bite. They are also getting the idea of “I want to be able to do that!” If they do indeed decide to go and learn like that, then they are the next white knights. This presents a problem for the atheist community at the school.

What do they do? Well they have to study! They have no choice! They’ve already been humiliated so they have to be prepared for next time. What happens if they consistently keep losing because our Christians keep studying and learning more and more? Here are some options.

They will just simply be quiet. This is a fine option to have as a result. The Christians are free to evangelize and the non-Christians say nothing. Their silence is a testimony to the ability of the Christians to speak intellectually, just as our silence is a testimony to the atheists of our inability to speak intellectually when not equipped.

The other option is that they will become Christians themselves. Now this could in many ways be the least likely, but if they’re really honest investigators, then we can expect that they will study the claims and find that it is indeed the case that Jesus rose from the dead and our Sauls will become Pauls.

Second suggestion. Hold debates at churches and other Christian groups. Lee Strobel has talked about the time a debate was arranged between William Lane Craig and Frank Zindler at Willow Creek Community Church. What was the result? This huge megachurch was packed. Traffic had to be directed and there were jams within about a mile radius of the church. People were rushing to get into the church. (As Strobel says, when was the last time you saw people running into a church?) Radio stations across the country were carrying the debate live. Some stations even had commentators! (The atheist just delivers a jab and the Christian counters with an uppercut!)

Do you think that got people talking? Do you think that got people curious? Note that some people came to the meeting that night atheists and left Christians. Atheist readers might be thinking they weren’t true atheists to begin with. Let’s keep this in mind. Atheists came to church! Atheists were interested in a debate on Christianity.

And if you think atheists aren’t interested in this, what are you doing on the internet exactly that you’re missing this?

Most churches can’t afford to have Bill Craig and Frank Zindler come to debate and most might not have the room, but they do have room for some debates. I am quite sure wherever you live, there is an atheist. (I am unfortunately not as sure that there is a Christian apologist.) If you have an apologist in the area and they’re willing, let there be a local debate. Announce to the populace that in the future, there will be a debate on atheism vs. Christianity and set a date and get the word out. Have it be on a time when more people are prone to come and watch what happens.

Rest assured, you will get people talking. Local papers will often include stories about this in their news in the area and if that’s online, there will also be comments discussing the debate. In these cases, it forces people to interact with Christianity.

Third, teach controversial classes. Let it be known to non-Christians that you’ll be teaching on topics that will be controversial and inviting non-Christians to come and give their challenges. Have a class on homosexual behavior. Have a class on why Jesus it he only way. Have a class discussing the problems of the new atheism. Have a class showing why Bart Ehrman is wrong on the Bible. Have a class showing why Mormonism is a cult.

Look at it this way. If you were a non-Christian, would you be interested in hearing that you were being invited to “Bible Study.” I don’t think so. After all, consider these options. “I can either go out with my girlfriend on Wednesday night where I have a good chance of getting laid, or I can go to Bible Study. Which one will I choose?”

If you were a non-Christian, which would you choose? The choice is obvious. (Considering how many Bible Studies go today, some Christians might want to spend the night with the girlfriend at the movies instead even if they had no intentions of having sex. After all, how many times do you hear about people really enjoying going to church?)

This is also why pastors need to talk on controversial topics. Your congregation has heard several times about being a good people. Christians are to be good people, but Christianity is not about ethics alone. It’s a claim that Jesus is the king of this world.

With that claim comes ramifications. Let’s consider them for young people. Jesus is Lord. What does that say about what someone can do with their boyfriend or girlfriend? Jesus is Lord. What does that say about how one should study for a test? Jesus is Lord. What does that say about the music you listen to and the movies and TV shows you watch? Jesus is Lord. What does that say about applying for a college or choosing a career?

Adults in the congregation have issues too! Jesus is Lord. What does that say about how I am to treat my spouse? Jesus is Lord. What does that say about what I do with my finances? Jesus is Lord. What does that say about the kind of employee I am. Jesus is Lord. What does that say about how I raise my children?

Then are the moral issues. What does that say about how I vote? What does that say about my view on the unborn? What does that say about the question of homosexual behavior? What does that say about how one handles the environmental movement today? What does that say about how one handles the question of war today? What does that say about economic policy?

Recently at our own church, shortly after DOMA, we went to the service and our pastor suddenly started talking about our national conscience and what it means when a nation forgets God. He never mentioned DOMA directly that I recall, but the message surely had that in the background. I can assure you it was a message that I was sitting up and taking notice of. Normally when I hear a message in a church it’s “Been there. Done that.” Before too long, I’m more interested in thinking about the book I’m reading or a game I can play when I get home or what I’ll be having for lunch. After hearing this message, I was greatly desirous to see what would be said in part two of the sermon next week.

I strongly suspect I was not alone.

Preachers. Please. Give your congregation something that they are not used to hearing. Don’t give them just the talk about how to be a good person. That’s application only. Give them the theology behind it. Give your church real doctrine. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. Doctrine is not the enemy. If we don’t have doctrine, we don’t have anything to preach! We have to give some message out there after all.

If you say “Well I might drive some people away” then keep in mind so did Jesus. Who did He drive away? Those who weren’t ready to make a real commitment. Who were left behind? Those who were. If you preach these kinds of messages, who will be left behind? Those ready to make a real commitment and with that real commitment will come real action.

I would rather have 10 people who were really committed than to have 1,000 who were so-so.

We won’t get people interested until we change the tide, and the tide won’t change naturally. It will require that we act. It will require that we step outside of our comfort zone. Christianity shouldn’t make us comfortable anyway. We’re talking about the rule of God over us all. This is the rule of God that confronts us all in our sinful natures. God coming and making a claim on our lives ought to make us all uncomfortable, Christian or not Christian. As a Christian, I certainly don’t get comfort at the thought that I have to go through a molding process to be who I need to be. That’s painful to have to look at myself and see sinful tendencies that I need to have eliminated. I’m glad for the end result, but the process is not enjoyable! A wife can look forward to having a baby of her own, but the process of giving birth to that new life is not one she looks forward to with pleasure.

We must remember that we are in a war and it is one we cannot afford to lose. What is the price? Mothers and fathers. I want you to hear these words. The stakes in this game are your children. If you were playing a poker game, before you decided you’d go all in, you’d want to make sure you had a winning hand. You don’t want to bet everything on a bad hand.

What are you willing to bet your own children on?

And if you’re not a parent, perhaps even staying single, what will you bet the future of your world on? What will you bet your friends’ children on? What will you bet your own life on? Do you want it to be what you get in the churches now, or do you want it to be a robust faith with strong intellectual defenses? Do you want to wager your money in a fight on a black belt or a white belt who has really strong passion?

You know the answer to that.

Act accordingly. This game has no reset button.

In Christ,
Nick Peters

Why Should A Youth Be Christian?

Are we giving a reason for someone to take Christianity seriously? Let’s talk about it on Deeper Waters.

Yesterday, I wrote about how Christian teenagers can really get into apologetics since they hold a position that is unpopular normally with their peers, and that is only going to be more of the case as time goes by and our ethics, particularly sexual ethics, start going downhill faster and faster.

In this scenario, we are encouraging young people to be Christian, but upon what basis? Just because Mom and Dad think Christianity has brought them a lot of joy in their own lives does not mean their children would think so. In our age it would be “Well Mom and Dad, that worked great for you, and I’m happy you found something that works for you, but it just doesn’t work for me.”

Most of our youth are already tacitly assuming that religion is something that you will either believe or you won’t. It is a matter of choice just like which ice cream flavor is the best. If you are a Christian, it is not because you are really making a statement about Jesus, the resurrection, or God’s nature. You are trying to be a good person. You can say you believe in the resurrection, but it’s just a belief. There’s no reason to hold it.

When you go to church and youth group, you either do something just purely fun, or you hear about how you need to be a good person and how much God loves you. You don’t learn anything about the nature of this God who loves you. You don’t learn what difference the Trinity makes or how much He acted in Jesus Christ or how that’s historically true or what the Kingdom of God is, but you learn about about how to be a good person!

Now once you’re out of that environment, what happens?

Well if you’re in school, you’re being taught ideas that you could find challenging to your faith, such as evolution is to some Christians. You could be learning about how to be inclusive and that everyone has their own opinions. You could be learning a relativism that tells you not to judge someone else. You will be surrounded by your peers who are quite likely sexual active and asking why you’re not the same way.

If you answer anything with “I’m a Christian” or “The Bible says so” then you will quite simply be laughed at and that is something no young person in school wants. In the high school setting, status is everything and so kids will spend money they don’t have to buy just the right clothes they don’t care about just so they can fit in. They will watch the same TV shows and the same movies and listen to the same music in order to know what their peers are talking about.

You can be sure, their peers are not reading the Bible or going to church to know what their Christian friends are talking about, if their Christian friends are even talking about Christianity at all!

When your child is on the internet, they are going to be subject to internet arguments on YouTube, Facebook, etc. to destroy their Christianity. This can be even if they are not intentionally seeking out such arguments. Not only that, the proliferation of pornography on the internet is extensive and sexual temptation is a great way to undermine someone’s Christian faith.

When they get to college, it will be even more an attempt to destroy their Christianity. You will have them facing off against professors who have 25 years of atheism while your kid has about a dozen years of Sunday School. Which side do you think is going to win? It’s not because atheism has the better arguments! It doesn’t! It’s because your kid doesn’t know the good arguments on our side.

In all of this, what reason are youth being given to be Christians?

To be a good person? Goodness is relative! It doesn’t matter, just so long as you don’t judge someone else!

Because the church is a fun place to be? They can get pizza and music anywhere and frankly, they’ll be looking at their peers and thinking “They seem to be having a lot more fun”, especially in the area of sexual temptation when they’re told all about the joys of sex on one hand and how it will be beneficial to them socially to sleep with their dates whereas on the other hand being told “true love waits”, but not being told why it waits really.

To have a good in-group to belong to? Their peers already are an in-group and an in-group that will matter a whole lot more to them!

What reason could they have for wanting to be Christian?

Some of you might have an answer. “Well it’s because Christianity is true!”

I agree 100%!

But do our youth know it is?

Without apologetics, they do not know it. They don’t even know what they believe! How can they know why they believe it!

Now imagine that they do know what they believe and also why they believe it. Imagine that they can be the Christian at school who knows this and when it comes to debate, no one can stand against them. Imagine the recognition they can get when they can even challenge the teacher in class on a topic and be right about what they say!

Is that going to help them? You bet!

As for the area of ethics, imagine that they have a background for ethics and they live such a life so much so that the girls end up saying “I want to date a Christian guy. They treat women a lot better!” This is so especially if they’re non-Christian.

Imagine if the guys on the other hand thought Christian women were a lot more respectful and at the same time, more challenging because Christian women know who they are and if you want to be with a Christian girl, they don’t go with just anyone! You have to shape up and prove you’re worthy!

Guys know this kind of thing intuitively. Most women don’t know the great power they have over men and if they give in early, then they lose that kind of power. Even in marriage, a woman who seeks to please her man in this area has a great power in his life. Don’t believe me? Consider even someone like William Lane Craig in an article he wrote on marriage advice.

5. Take steps to build intimacy in your relationship.

Wives: You need to realize what your husband’s #1 need in marriage is, what he wants most from you: sex! Yes, frequent, enthusiastic sex! If you do this, you will have a happy hubby, indeed. Unfortunately, here we confront one of those huge disconnects between men and women (you know, the Venus and Mars thing). A man achieves intimacy with the woman he loves through sexual intercourse; but a woman views intimacy as a pre-requisite for sexual intercourse. So if you’re sensing emotional distance from your spouse, what do you do? You seem to be at an impasse. If you find yourselves in this situation, then my advice is that it is the wife who should yield and be open to her husband’s advances. Otherwise what you’re doing is using sex as a weapon: saying in effect, “You first meet my emotional needs or I’m going to withhold sex from you.” That’s manipulative and unloving. Sometime after having sex, you can then raise the issues with him that you feel have created an emotional distance between you and seek to resolve them.

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Yes. If Christian women start exercising this power over their peers, they will find they have much more respect. If a guy does not want to go with them because they’re not “easy” then that is the kind of guy that the girl should be with in the first place, Christian or not.

Then in turn, imagine if it is the case that their non-Christian friends seek to know what it is that is different about your children and ask them questions about it. What if your child is equipped and knows how to answer and can get his peers in school thinking about what he says?

Notice what happens in all of this. Your child is still a good person. In fact, you could argue that he is an even better person because he has a basis for his ethics and sees the difference they make.

Your child is still able to have fun. I am not against pizza parties and concerts and other fun activities. Kids should have fun! I’m against fun for the sake of fun being the greatest good in life. Even in my position, I still think it’s important to wind down and do something just purely fun every now and then to re-energize, but it’s not meant to be a lifestyle.

Your child is also popular. They’re the ones talked about not because they blend in with the crowd, but because they stand out from the crowd in a good way. They are the one that everyone wonders about. They’re the guy that the girls want to receive the love of. They’re the girl that the guys really want to work hard to impress.

How did this happen? You let them be taught what they believe and why. If your church isn’t doing this, you need to find out why and if they don’t change, perhaps you should change your church. This is their eternity we’re talking about after all and if I’m right, it’s also the eternity of their peers. Is that not worth a little bit of change?

If youth are going to stay Christian, it needs to be because they have reasons to that will stand up to public scrutiny and let them not be maligned in the public sphere. In fact, our adults definitely need that as well! Perhaps the new atheists and internet atheist types would not be so problematic if we did not drop the intellectual ball to begin with.

In Christ,
Nick Peters