By now, faithful readers of my blog know that I am single. They also know that I am always on the lookout for Mrs. Right. I would hope that they see me as someone of strong Christian character, despite my many flaws and failures. However, there are two things said about me that might surprise some.
#1: I am a gentleman
#2: I am a huge flirt.
Now some might wonder how these two go together. As I have pondered this idea though, the idea has occurred to me that only a gentleman can truly tastefully flirt and appreciate a lady’s beauty. Of course, I would say that it is easier to be a Christian and be a gentleman than a non-Christian and a gentleman. This is because we do have a basis for a morality on how we treat men and women and as I have argued in other places, for sexuality as well.
C.S. Lewis told us to think of the man who is craving what the world calls sex. (I prefer intercourse for the term.) Now, there is a proper way to strongly desire sex, and that is to see it as a gift of God reserved for marriage and the young man and woman will merely have to control their hormones while they wait. Lewis is not talking about that person. He is talking about the one who is an addict.
Lewis tells us that such a man is said to be wanting to find a woman. Lewis answers though that a woman is the last thing he wants to meet. He is looking for pleasure only and a female body is the apparatus by which he plans to get that pleasure. In other words, he does not want her. He wants her body only.
Only a gentleman then can truly appreciate the beauty that is the lady. The difference is as profound as the difference between looking at a telescope and looking through it. The man who sees the sex as the end misses out on the lady overall. The man who sees the lady as the goal though, gets the sex and the lady. He also realizes though, if he is a Christian, that her beauty is not the end. The pleasure she brings him and he brings her through the act of intercourse is not the highest good. Both of these are hints, and I’m quite sure, very enjoyable hints, of a greater reality, that to be found in the beauty and relationship of God.
This is why it’s truly gentlemanly to honor the lady’s body. It is not an object to be ravished. It is a treasure to be cherished. If you had a diamond for instance, what would you do with it? Use it as a toothpick? Scrape the gunk out of the sink with it? Or would you do something more like set it somewhere safe and treasure it always? You might even want to do so so that everyone who meets you can see the rare jewel you’ve got. (The analogy is not perfect of course. There are some beauties of the lady that are not meant to be displayed in public.)
This gives the gentleman the advantage in that by honoring the beauty of his lady, he is allowed to savor it all the more. Like watching a lovely sunrise, the gentleman when approaching the beauty takes in all that he sees, but does his best to be respectful realizing that he’s dealing with a rare jewel.
Unfortunately, this is too often disregarded. Too many men look at porn and then somehow think that they can respect a woman’s body. Can redemption and restoration be found? Yes. It is best to avoid it altogether though. As for married men, too many of them spend too much time having lingering glances at other women, not realizing their wives are most likely comparing themselves to those women and feeling less than adequate.
So my conclusion? Be a gentleman. A gentleman honors his lady while constantly pursuing her. Also men, pursuing does not end when she says “I do.” Pursuing takes place your whole life. You never cease to be the man letting your lady know exactly just how much you love her.
Remember biblically, you are the king of the castle. That part is said enough. Here’s what follows. Treat your lady like a queen. Do so. Be a gentleman.