Alright. I’m going to stay this for all of my readers who have already found their special someone. I’m speaking as someone on the outside who looks at what you all have and does wonder why I don’t see some of these things. If you’re practicing them already, great! I’m not saying that no one does. I’m saying that I would like to see more of this really and it does make many of us singles wonder.
After all, how you treat your marriage will affect how we approach marriage. Marriage is made to seen less and less likely today in a society where divorce is on the rise and sadly, divorce is just as common among Christians today as it is among Non-Christians. I plan on writing more on this later, but that should be enough to make us pause.
So what can be done to prevent that?
I would say first off is that it seems too often, people stop dating in marriage. When men are dating, they will do anything they can to show their love for their ladies. Then, it seems they get married and they go into a coast mode. “I’ve already got her, so now I can take it easy.”
Men. Please keep pursuing your ladies. Please realize there are many times when you still need to let her know that you’d choose her again in a heartbeat and you don’t do that simply with words, you do it with actions. Take her out to dinner. Go see a movie. Go for a weekend getaway.
Weekend getaways gets us into sexuality. Now this is something I wonder about. Why do I hear so often about guys saying they want more and women always saying they have a headache. Granted, there are times things are reverse. There are some men that aren’t romantic, though they can still want intercourse. They just seem to want the pleasure more than the person.
Friends. What happened on the honeymoon? It wasn’t just the experience I’m sure, but the person the experience was with. What happened to the time when you couldn’t wait to get home at the end of the day? Did you just allow that aspect of your marriage to become the norm? If this is such a great experience that builds up unity in the marriage, then surely it should happen more often.
Granted, when children enter the picture, that could be harder to do, but it should still happen. There should still be some regular time for intercourse between a husband and a wife. Both of them need to be reminded of the people that they married and become children with one another.
I also think this is hinted at in Proverbs 5:18-19. Go read the verses and if you haven’t ever read them before, you could come back and think “THAT’S IN THE BIBLE?!” Yeah. It is. It tells you to rejoice in the wife of your youth. Remember the joy that she has brought you and it does so by pointing to her physical beauty.
In fact, if you want some pizzazz, you could even try reading Song of Songs together. It is a very romantic book and it celebrates greatly the joy of sexual love. There are too many attempts in the church to allegorize it. Now it could be allegorical on some level, but let us not deny the literal level. It is literally about the joy of sexuality.
Men. Also do some little things for your wives. I mentioned yesterday my tendency to sometimes stop and get a flower for my mother. Do you know how much it would mean to your wife to get a little gift every now and then? She’s not looking for something rich. She’s looking for just a little thought that you care.
If you want more action in the bedroom, it really should start early on after all. A lady once told me “Sex begins at breakfast.” What did she mean? She meant that you are to be romantic at the start of the day and not just for a little bit when you get home so you can get what you want. If you are romantic with your wife throughout the day, she is more prone to be romantic in the evening.
And women, if you want your husbands to do something, please avoid nagging him. Sons, husbands, etc. We all agree. Nagging doesn’t work. We might do what you say eventually, but we will have some thorns against you from it. Instead, there is a better way to get him to do what you want.
Seriously. If you think about it, your husband does want to please you. Nagging him treats him as if you don’t think he does. Instead, seduce him and give him what he wants and watch and see how long it takes for him to give you what you want. Do so even if you don’t feel loving or romantic.
When in public, be sure that your husband is always seen as a man. If he is made to feel less than a man by you in public, don’t expect him to treat you happily. A man needs to look good in the public eye. Honor that. Men. Do the same for your women. Make sure in public that people know that you see your wife as beautiful and a treasure.
Also, please don’t base your marriage on feelings. Feelings will come and go. A honeymoon feeling will not last forever, but a honeymoon lifestyle can. Like most any important decision, you are to act when you do not have feelings anyway. If you act accordingly, you can be sure the feelings will eventually follow.
Remember married friends, we are watching you. We need your encouragement. Please show us how a marriage is to be and give us something to shoot for.